That's Not Me Anymore

2011-07-05T08:33:00.012-04:00

Well, hello blog land! I had a very nice email from my friend Helen the other day...just saying that she missed me and my posts. I'm on vacation this week from work. I'm just staying home and catching up and hanging with my kids. No escape to the tropics or anything grand. Kind of like the good ol' blog days... So I thought I'd give you all a recap on what the fam has been up to in the past...oh...year and a half. ;) I can't say that I'll be updating this regularly once again, but be assured, I do stop by everyone's blogs now and then to see what everyone it up to. Wow, that sounds creepier than I meant it to be.

Thus I give to you: THE 2011 SABELHAUS UPDATE! (Update...update...Pretend like that was in movie announcer voice with echo effect)

Numero Uno: My kids are not so little anymore. Sure, seven, five, and not quite three sound like small children, but they are WORLDS away from a couple years ago when I had an infant, toddler, and preschooler. Annabelle loves to read chapter books and learn anything she can about animals. She's enjoying the Nintendo DS she got for her birthday. All big kid stuff. Dancing, singing, drawing...she loves the artsy stuff, too, and has aspirations of a career in the arts. I'm afraid I have her hooked on HGTV as well. (Gotta love House Hunters.) Joey is getting ready to begin kindergarten next month. How a five year old child could be so smart, logical, and matter of fact and yet still have such a HUGE imagination, I'm not sure. But that's my Joe. He loves his video and computer games and playing in imaginary worlds with his sister. Some days it's frustrating having a kid who tells it like it is. If he's bored, you'll hear about it. If he doesn't want to do it, it probably won't happen. But he's grown up a lot in the past few months and I think he's going to dig school. I suspect that he has determined that preschool life is beneath him. And then there's Jay. Ahhhhhhh, Jay. The sweet easy going baby that didn't do much the first year and half of his life has certainly made up for it in the next year and a half. He's my fireball. And my momma's boy. He's determined to master the universe and do it his way. This can make for a long day when he's throwing the mother of all fits and you have to carry him out of Wal-Mart under your arm football style and somehow he manages to kick you full on in the face. But his sweet moments are that much sweeter. When he sings "Jesus Loves Me" and says a little prayer with an "Ayyyy MEN!" at the end, you just melt into an ewwy gooey puddle of adorable. Jay's current loves are Barney, trains, school buses, playing in the dirt and destroying whatever his brother and sister are doing.

Next Up: I have been married almost 10 years. Yup, the tenth anniversary will be in September. I don't want to get too mushy, but I certainly love, appreciate, and respect Frank more with each year. It's almost funny to look back and see how the things that frustrated me about him those first couple years have become little things, and how he's always had the major things right. He's had a change in jobs this past year and now works for Sony DADC. A step up in pay but also a step up in time at work, so we've all had to adjust a bit. When he's not at work, he's been working on the house- redoing our bedroom, redoing the deck, building a swing set, and trying to convince me that he can build a garage... Anywho, since he's been at Sony, he started working out at the gym there, and I have to say I'm pretty proud of him for sticking with the exercise thing and losing quite a bit of weight. We had to go get him a sweet new wardrobe. He's stylin'.

And little ol' me? I'm doing well. I'm getting back into running a little bit after taking a few months off. Chug. Chug. My job is good. Summer is a transition time of helping the graduates start life in the real world and getting things ready for my new students. I was really close to the class that just graduated; some of them have been with me since I started the job almost two years ago, so it's going to be strange not to have them in class anymore. But that's one of things I like about my program. I DO get the chance to get to know my students that well! Other than that, I'm not up to much. Work and family tend to fill up the days pretty quickly. I've been trying to take a little time to hang out at the lake or just read this summer.

What about the church? I would say we're in a transition period in ministry right now. We loved being a part of HealingPointe, the church plant we helped start in 2006, but as 2011 began, then Frank's new job began, and some burnout began, we started understanding that it was no longer matching God's vision for us. Living in one community and ministering in another with three kids and two full time jobs wasn't really effective. So we transitioned out in February and have been attending the church we used to attend before HealingPointe. It's strange to just go to church. Frank and I have occasionally played in the worship band, but we're not "in charge" of anything. It's a good and obedient thing, but I do miss leading worship. I miss my friends at HealingPointe and I haven't totally re-kindled relationships at our current church. It's a process, I suppose. Frank and I are waiting and praying on what might be in store for the future. Frank finished up his Master's degree in Church Planting this May (Woo hoo!) and we know that someday we will be a part of another church plant. But what's in store for Frank and I in ministry until then...and where and when that plant will be...we really just don't know yet! That causes some head spinning with the endless exciting possibilities and some impatience. So keep us in your prayers, please. :) Brings me back to one of my all time favorite verses, Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Hope you enjoyed the post, Helen! If you drop me a line in the comments demanding more posts, maybe I'll update again in a more timely manner. :)

I've Written A Thousand Posts in My Head

2009-12-18T19:05:00.002-05:00

Yet...

Those posts never get here.

I think maybe Blogger is broken.

Or I've had to significantly re-structure my time since going back to work.

Hmmmm.

Anywho, work is going really well. Love the kiddos I get to work with and how creative I get to be with them! Of course, I'm keeping busy with my own kiddos and church and Girl Scouts when I'm not at work. And the weekends are for catching up on cleaning and chilling! So...most of the writing will have to wait I think. Although I really miss it some days!

One of those days was yesterday when I got to sit in on an interview with a kid for one of our programs. He's pretty much got everything against him in life, and he's made some bad choices, but he's decided he MUST make a change. So he's been walking miles to GED classes every day and wants to be a police officer someday. He wants to get a good job so he can help his single mom struggle less. I got to be a part of telling him, "You're in! And if you do your part to get your GED and attend our training classes...you get your college paid for." The look of hope on his face! He couldn't put gratitude into words. It was a gift he didn't really deserve and a day of redemption of the best kind.

It made me think of Jesus. He is a gift I most definitely do not deserve, but a gift that I am so very grateful for that it's hard to express it accurately. So even though I sat in my business attire as a 30 year old professional of some sort, a teacher, a mom...and he sat in his parka and Packers stocking cap looking pretty sweaty and nervous for a punk kid...there was a thread of redemption that we shared.

So as we gather with friends and family and live the joyful highs and the stressed out lows of Christmas...may we be reminded that a little baby boy born in Bethlehem gave us true gifts of mercy...grace...and the hope of a redeemed future. Merry Christmas everybody!

Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Awesome

2009-10-26T21:54:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm not really that awesome.

But I did get to have a really fun weekend. Which was awesome. So maybe some of the awesome rubbed off on me.

We packed up the kids and went to stay with my sister-in-law in the Nashville area for the weekend. We took the kiddos to a pumpkin patch and they had lots of fun with a hay maze, seeing farm animals, going on a hay ride and picking out pumpkins and such. The absolute highlight was probably playing in the big bins of corn. Yup. We know how to party.

Then, I got to go see Jim Gaffigan on Saturday at the historic Ryman theater in Nashville, Tennessee. And I got to get all prettied up and go on a real date with the Frankster. And be all downtown and cool and stuff in a big city. And somehow we ended up at a BW3's eating a lot of chicken wings and watching UFC fighting with a bunch of crazy Tennessee people...?? A random but lovely evening. Which is pretty much us at our best.

So in case you don't know who Jim Gaffigan is...and you really should, I give you....HOOOOOT POCKEEEET:

Seasons Change...God Doesn't

2009-10-14T16:36:00.002-04:00

We have a big maple tree in our front yard. Every year around this time, the leaves turn to a brilliant yellow and then fall to the ground in a great golden piles. I love to jump in the piles...but raking them? Not my cup o' tea. ;)

As the leaf color hits its peak this year, I find that the season in my life is also changing. I will be starting a new job! Weighing the pros and cons to working full-time again (outside the home...the kids are a 24/7 job- ha!) was tough. But as childcare quickly fell into place and much encouragement came from friends and family...God seemed to say, "I've got a new challenge just for you, Beth..." I'm not sure I even got totally comfortable with my season of being at home or working part-time at the pre-school! But...God never promised us comfort, did he?

I'll be working with high school students in Vincennes, Indiana. I really, really love this age group and miss working with teenagers a lot. Pray for us as we make the transition as a family...things might get a little bumpy as we iron out the new normal! There's also a little funny feeling in my stomach that happens when you walk into something unfamiliar...what will it REALLY be like...so hopefully that will disappear soon. But I'm confident that God has some good stuff for me in the road ahead...to impact some lives at the crucial point of childhood meets adulthood...and to teach ME more than I can imagine right now.

And the blog? I hope to keep posting from time to time. I do try to keep up with the blogs and friends I have come to love so much in the past 15 months or so...but if I don't comment for awhile, I still love ya! :)

So...to recap: the me that was me when I started the blog...not me anymore. Again.
Ecclesiastes 3 comes to mind (good chapter!).

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

P.S. In case I don't get the change to devote a real post to it...Happy 3 years to HealingPointe Community Church!

Before the Day

2009-10-08T09:09:00.002-04:00

Couldn't have written a more fitting song for my heart this week!

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.

Before the Day- NewSong

Last night when I was sleeping
You were watching over me
While I dreamt about tomorrow
You knew my every need

Now another day is waiting
For me to make it through
And there's no way that I could face it without You

Before the day slips away
I want to stop and say
I love You I love You
Before the world rushes in again
I want to stop and say there's none above You
There's none above You
I'll just be still and know You are God
Be still and know You are God

There's something about the morning
The stillness of it all
It calms my heart to hear You
When You gently call

Here I am in Your presence
Where I long to be
Alone with You in the silence
Bring down Your love and Your mercy
Whisper softly to me

More From the Land of Wal-Mart

2009-10-01T18:39:00.003-04:00

Did I mention that my 3 year old son is a Shoe Diva?

Yeah...

He's quite particular about what goes on his feet. Wouldn't wear the cute flip flops that I bought for him this summer. The Spider Man shoes are too tight. The Crock knock-offs were acceptable until they broke after 3 weeks.

So what DOES he wear?

Second-hand shoes that were intended to be for his sister but were a bit small for her. They are red. They slip-on. They are girl's shoes. They are a size and a half too big. They are tennis shoes of a sort, yes, and you probably wouldn't know by glancing at them, but they are indeed girl's shoes. He LOVES them.

Today I went to the Wal-Mart(again) to buy shoes for the kids. Because ALL THREE kids desperately needed tennis shoes at the same time. What are the odds? Pretty good, I guess, if the object of the game is draining the parental wallet...

I found shoes for Annabelle (pink and sparkly!) and Jay Jay (Winnie the Pooh and extra wide!) in about 3 minutes. Then there was Joey. Ahhhhhh, Joey. This shoe was too tight. The same shoe a size bigger was too loose. That shoe was "ug-a-lee." If he had blond hair I would call him Goldilocks. I really thought he would cave when he knew that both of his siblings would be getting brand new shoes and he wouldn't, but he totally called my bluff. He was just fine with putting his red shoes back on, thank you very much, while giving me a mischievous grin. He shuffled out of the store with head held high and one red shoe promptly fell off as he climbed in the car.

I don't have history in prophecy or anything, but I think I'm going to have my hands full when he's a teenager...

***Thanks to my new friend Sarah Salter for the encouragement to make this idea a post!***

We Make a Pretty Good Team

2009-09-28T09:34:00.008-04:00

This week I am not quite myself. After 8 years of marriage, funny how your spouse really DOES seem like your other half. The Frankster is off to some computer-y thing-y with his co-workers this week. Being a pretty independent woman and all...I'm okay with managing the kids by myself for awhile.

BUT...some of the things I miss the most:

I do not laugh nearly as much. And when I do, it's not quite as fun.

AND

I have become totally dependent on him when we lead worship together! Seriously, God knew what he was doing (Doesn't He always?) because we compliment each other so well and have led music so many times together that we pretty much share a brain every Sunday evening.(Cue mental image of Frankenbeth.)

Anywho, last night I had to lead by myself and I got a lot more nervous than I should have... Something about being alone up there and if I make a mistake, there it is for everyone to see! Which is ridiculous, since it was all of our friends and their kids at our little church, and they love me mistakes and all. And God never said he requires perfection for it to be worship and pleasing to Him! (Can I get an Amen, people?) But, there it is. After being in choirs and singing solos and being a part of worship teams for pretty much all of my 30 years...I. still. get. nervous. For no logical reason. Bleh.

So as things like this go with me, nerves got the best of me. I messed up. People had a hard time following the songs. Ahhh...it all went so well in my head during practice. By myself. Where it's just God and me and the piano! But the moment I started to settle down a bit out of nervous/hyper mode and actually worship...God just took over and made it a beautiful thing for Him. So why can't I do that from the get-go?

I haven't figured that one out yet, but I am thankful for the opportunity to stretch a little bit and grow! It's a good thing to have the rug of familiarity and comfort pulled out from beneath my feet. It's a good reminder how far I have to go and how dependent I need to be on God. And how great of a worship leader Frank has become! Really. I could not be more proud of him. Not only is he an excellent musician that brings out the best in the people that play with him...he really has developed a deeper love for God that is apparent during corporate worship.

We used to say when we first started dating that "we make a pretty good team." (Said in a very cheesy over-animated way with thumbs up, of course.) Back then it was a way of using humor to mask the slightly scary truth that we really and truly were good together...but it continues to hold true! I miss my teammate! But I'm sure we will have loads of fun catching up on his travels in computer geekdom when he returns.

P.S. The rest of the service last night was a kids' service. It was soooo fun! It was like going back to VBS, but I got to do it with my daughter. We need to do that more often! I dig church as a family.

You Never Know What'll Happen at the Wal-Mart

2009-09-25T16:29:00.002-04:00

So...I just got home from the Wal-Mart. The Sullivan Wal-Mart may be the smallest Wal-Mart in existence, but I did manage to score some trash bags (I was totally out) and soda pop (how retro) because the 'rents (that's cool 90's teen mag speak for parents) are coming and I hate to offer them a choice of water or water to drink. :)

ANYWAY...

The kids were getting cranky and it was raining a little and I'm sure I had about 8 different thoughts rolling around in my brain...and when I got home I realized I forgot to put the sodas into my car! It had only been about 10 minutes or so since we left the store, so I called the store just on the slight chance that maybe my poor pop was still sitting lonely and wet at the bottom of the cart in the cart corral. After waiting on the phone approximately 863 minutes, I was informed that the Diet Pepsi I had bought had been rescued and could be picked up at my convenience. The Sierra Mist, however, was nowhere to be found.

There you have it, folks. If you're going to steal someone's soda pop, don't steal the crappy diet stuff. Go for the gold!

Be sure to visit my friend Wendy's blog and participate in her "Life is Funny" blog carnival. If I can do it...surely you can get off your lazy bum and do the same. :)

Happy weekend to you! May your Wal-Mart travels be filled glee and criminals who hate diet soda...

Dog Walk

2009-09-24T16:26:00.008-04:00

Quiet and clear and hush-hush
I pad along the sidewalk
Trying not to break the spell
of peace and solitude
But not loneliness

For the wide porches smile
with their painted rocking chairs
And the coffee brew wafts
out of an open kitchen window
Causing thoughts turn to grandma's percolator

Orange Cat sniffs his disdain
But my brain-light doggie
doesn't notice Kitty's pomp
in her quest for MORE SMELLS!

And I run through the day in my head
Finally un-interrupted (hoorah, hoorah!)
Content...full of thanks
for small town streets
for maples and oaks
who guard the sidewalks at night

It seems something lingers
of the grace and friendship
rumored to be prominent
in those decades past

I want to cling to that sense
Community, familiarity, safety
So absent in a day
of Manufactured this
and cookie-cutter that
Where I can't for the life of me
remember the next door neighbor's last name!

And sure, it's a fantasy
Every generation faces giants
Heaven alone is utopia found

But for now...
It's nice and right and a lovely evening
for walking a dog
in small town U.S.A.

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

2009-09-17T09:26:00.008-04:00

Today is the one year anniversary of That's Not Me Anymore! We've laughed, we've cried, we've learned how to grocery shop with small children...I'll try not to make this random, rambling, and discombobulated...but truly, that IS my style, is it not? Would you expect anything less? I hate to disappoint...

My first post ever was about how God was forming me into a new person, thus the title of the blog. And just one short year later, I still feel the title is very appropriate! I hope I never stay comfortable with who I am. Don't get me wrong, my self-esteem is a-okay (most days, at least :P), but I do not ever, ever, ever want to be a content, safe, and bored with my relationship with God. Gotta keep growing. Gotta keep changing. Gotta keep cleaning out that gunk that gets lodged in my soul and doesn't want to budge. Gotta keep LIVING.

I feel like the past week has been a fresh calling to do just that. To be brave and intentionally put myself in places where my faith is stretched. My pastor, Eric, gave a powerful message last Sunday that ended in one of the most moving videos I have ever seen. If you want to see it, here's a link: Run. (Warning, if you have somewhere to go in a few minutes and don't want to arrive teary-eyed, you may want to wait to view it.) Then on Monday, I went to my women's group meeting and heard a devotional from Proverbs 31 ministries based on the Bible passage where Peter tries to walk on the water. (Matthew 14: 22-36). It focused on Peter's reckless faith. I love this idea, here's just a bit of it. The whole thing can be found here.

"He had reckless faith: Without thinking, without distress over consequences, without anxiety over what might happen, and without concern for what his friends might think, Peter had faith. Peter had reckless faith. And we can too! Reckless faith means doing what God has called us to do, commanded us to do, and prompted us to do – because it brings Him glory. Those who witnessed Peter's reckless faith didn't ooh and aah over Peter. Instead, like Peter, they fixed their eyes on Jesus. "Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God'" (Matthew 14:33, NIV).

Man, do I want to bring Glory to God! And especially over the past year, I've found that doesn't necessarily mean jumping up to do these huge grandiose things for Him...a lot of times it means just being faithful to take care of the things God's given me already. And follow the commandments that I already know. Urg. Wait. That's not as exciting as running into burning buildings and walking on water...?? Not fair, God!! Where's the adventure? But it does take a tiny bit of bravery to get up each day and face a life of wiping poo booties, making lunches, paying the bills, exercising patience and love even when I don't feel like it... And I think all of those little bits of bravery prepare us for times when God does bring us a situation that requires a leap of faith instead of a baby step.

I've got a long way to go. There's some saying about the more you know, the more you know you DON'T know...yeah. I like that one. Two steps forward, one step back. You get it. Lately it seems I'm in that ridiculous step back. Grrr. Just last night we went out in the neighborhood where our church is, simply to invite people to our little outdoor block party on Sunday. We were already tired from a long day...Frank had an online training he had to listen to all day for work. I had taught preschool in the morning, did some errands, did school pick up, etc. We did not have enough sleep. We weren't in the mood to be "friendly." Okay, at least I wasn't in the mood. We got there a little late and there were no more fliers left to give to people. Not exactly the exciting work for Jesus we had envisioned...It was all so simple and easy in our minds, right? Still, we were struggling to DO it. This simple little thing. We made each other take turns talking to strangers(Who were perfectly nice, by the way, and receptive to an invitation to the block party. No one pulled a gun or hexed us or even said anything remotely rude...yeesh, I need to work on being less dramatic in my head!). No reason at all to be nervous. So why was I nervous? Probably because I am still working out those basic elements of faith...trust...bravery...recklessness...

So here's another to another year of the blog. Another year of working through this constant change we call life...of raising a family, of having a church plant turn into a "for real" church...of finding my voice in cyberspace and listening to God's voice...

Thanks to everyone who takes time to read! Whether I know you in person or via my little mac, you have really encouraged me this year!

8 Years Ago

2009-09-11T12:24:00.002-04:00

8 years ago today, I was on my first big business trip. After graduating college, I worked for a company that did review courses for doctors about to take their board exams. This was the first course that I had a big part in. I was nervous and excited. We were in Denver, Colorado in a hotel and the course was scheduled to begin the morning of 9/11. I was up early that day trying to get everything ready, and as I went downstairs to the lobby for something, I saw many people had gathered around a TV...

Suddenly strangers at a hotel were more than strangers. It was numbing and surreal. We all just stood around the TV. Soon the hotel staff set up extra TVs around the lobby. People from New York and D.C. were calling home in a panic. My company's staff realized that there would be no presenters flying in for our course. And there would be no participants able to fly home. My boss made the decision to continue the course anyway. I disagreed with his decision, but I worked pretty much non-stop that week to make sure that the people who were stuck there had the best course they could have, considering the circumstances.

It was a long terrible week away from family and friends. There were some tearful phone calls to Frank and my mom. My wedding was scheduled for September 22nd, just 11 days after September 11th, and in the back of my mind I was wondering if all our guests would be able to come or if we should even re-schedule the whole thing...

I had made plans ahead of time to meet one of my college friends (who had moved to Denver) for dinner one night. Both of us needed to see a familiar face, I think, and we kept the dinner date. I remember us discussing the hate-filled remarks my friend had heard where she worked toward a person "appearing" to be "Arab." More fear and hatred does not erase hatred...

We ended up driving back to Indiana from Colorado at the end of the week. We drove through the night just to make it home as soon as we could. I was never so glad to be back at my little one-room apartment on 7th Street in Terre Haute. It was early Sunday morning and I remember laying down, exhausted, wishing Frank was there. I think I grew up a lot that week. I found a strength in myself...in my faith...that I didn't know existed before that week.

On September 22, 2001, Frank and I were married. It was a beautiful September day. My grandmother made a trip in a plane across the country by herself. (She's always been a brave lady!) Our guests celebrated with us. It was a day of joy. It's not that we had forgotten the tragedy of just 11 days before. It was that we knew that the world had NOT, indeed, ended. And that the God of all creation held us in His hands despite this hell on earth that had taken place. Sin and evil seek to separate us from God, but He is a God of restoration and redemption. He never changes. To these beliefs I cling...on September 11, 2001. And on September 11, 2009. And on September 11, 2017.

Reminds me of Isaiah 61...

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

Well, At Least It's a Post People!

2009-09-10T09:34:00.005-04:00

I was going to write an update about what our church has been up to. (Renovations to our building and an outreach coming up!) Or about the start of preschool. (Oh, the crying children!) Or the things I think about while walking the doggie each evening. (I came up with the phrase "geek chic" last night. Like it?) Or about our sweet "new" ride. (New to us, at least. 2002 Ford Focus. I KNOW. Practical. When did we become practical?) Anyway, since we were down to one car for awhile, that meant a lot of playing taxi driver last week and this week with the holiday and start of preschool, the running seems to continue. However, this morning I have the comfy jammy pants on! Yesssss. No running to be done until I pick up Annabelle from school. And once we get used to this new fall normal, I'll flesh out some more posts er somethin'.

SO...I give to you this lovely masterpiece created by our friend and babysitter, Haley:

Ironically, I am the only one in the family who regularly wears glasses... :)

Ode to Helen

2009-09-02T07:00:00.000-04:00

Oh blogging friends, I know apologies about not blogging get old to read...so, uh, no apologies. But I canNOT let today go by without a huge happy birthday to my friend Helen!! She wrote a poem for my birthday, so I will return the favor! And I think she will be okay with me taking liberty on some of the syllables in this haiku based poem...

Helen is funny
Not your every day funny
Like drop dead funny

Helen is caring
Not your every day caring
Calls to encourage

Helen is thoughtful
Not your every day thoughtful
Causes me to think

Helen is loyal
She will champion her cause
Tell it like it is

Helen is salsa
Dancing in the grocery store
I'm gonna join her

Helen is family
She holds her own near and dear
Honoring, loving

Helen is teaching
Her students are a blessed bunch
Past and present, too

Helen is unique
Not your every day unique
True one-of-a-kind

Reading mysteries
Muumuus and velour galore
BunBun the rabbit...

The internet is
Much brighter with her on it
Someday we will meet

But her computer
Better not break before then
(Torture for us all)

Helen is Helen
I am so glad that is true
Happy Birthday (to) you!

Oh Yeah, I Have a Blog!

2009-08-25T20:06:00.004-04:00

Hey, all you faithful readers...sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been....busy? Tired? Adjusting? Here's a quiz. I've listed some things about my week. Can you pick which statements are true? I've even put the answer at the end. Instant gratification!!

1. Laughed maniacally at my dog when she couldn't figure out how to jump the baby gate now mounted at the bottom of the stairs.
2. Concocted the most awesome poems for a blog post while I ran and then promptly forgot them.
3. Talked to my friend Helen on the phone while my boys climbed the furniture like Amazonian monkeys.
4. Discussed with Frank whether or not we have dysentery.
5. Cleaned my basement and found exciting treasures such as: my crock pot lid, a whole box of wedding bubbles, and....a dead bird!
6. Got up a least an hour earlier than I used to so that my daughter makes it to school on time. Only slept through the alarm once so far...Oops.
7. Attempted making homemade biscuits with the result being a hard white substance that could have anchored our boat.
8. Stood in line with squirrely preschooler and cranky, nap-needing baby EVERY AFTERNOON so I could pick up my daughter from school. (Okay, just every week day.)
9. Had a tired mom melt down at exactly 5:13 p.m. each day.
10. Had a great time worshipping with our new HealingPointe drummer, Dr. Rhythm.
11. Washed my daughter's brand new back pack because my son peed on it?!
12. Spent a collective 18 hours telling Joey to put his underwear on.
13. Got way too into the movie "Princess Protection Program" on the Disney Channel.
14. Cursed my spotty Internet connection frequently.
15. Impressed all the parents at the park with my monkey bar skillz.

If you answered that all of the above is true, you are.....

WRONG.

I only chuckled and rolled my eyes at my dog. And I stink at the monkey bars. I have weeny spaghetti arms. And I may have only spent 17 hours and 58 minutes telling Joey to put his underwear on. After hour 15 it gets a little foggy....

But the rest is pretty accurate.

Letting Go...

2009-08-17T09:25:00.003-04:00

Frank took her to school, but sent this picture to make me feel a little better. Not sure it made it easier!! I'm excited Annabelle starts on a new adventure today, but MAN is letting her go into the big wide world hard!

Short and Sweet

2009-08-14T14:24:00.002-04:00

Hopefully the title will describe this post. But it also describes a dear blogging friend of mine, Sherri! Her birthday is tomorrow- just one day away from mine, and in many ways, I feel like her life and my own parallel a lot. Must be that good ol' midwestern upbringing! Right before I started blogging awhile back, I was praying for God to bring some women into my life to be good spiritual mentors and role models for me...and Sherri was one answer to this prayer! She's someone who's "been there" as a mom with three kids in an old fixer upper house in a small town...and has loved Jesus through all the ups and downs of life. I encourage you to stop by her blog A Matter of Fact and tell her Happy Birthday! While you're there, you might be encouraged, laugh a lot, cry a little, or all of the above! Keep rockin' those stilletos, Sherri!! I WILL make it over the state line to visit you sometime soon!

Never Assume...

2009-08-10T10:21:00.009-04:00

I wonder how many assumptions we make about people on any given day. Having a rather, uh, creative and over-active imagination sometimes, I like to make up stories in my mind about people I see at the store, houses for sale in my neighborhood, the mailman, etc. People and places I see, but know absolutely nothing about. Perhaps I got a taste of my own medicine on Saturday.

Frank was away most of the day doing some repairs on our house we rent out in Terre Haute. The afternoon was getting long and the kids and I needed to get out of the house for awhile. It was pretty warm, but we decided to take a walk to the park anyway. It's only a few blocks away, but the herding skills necessary to get the kids to cross the street at the same time, manuver the stroller, and keep them from examining every rock and leaf along the way make the trip a little more epic than a simple stroll to the park. So I'm sure I looked more than a little hot and worn out as we approached a man mowing his yard. He kindly shut down the mower when he saw us so we could traverse his sidewalk without the trepidation of grass cuttings flying at our ankles. I said a friendly hello and encouraged the kids to keep walking (and that the mower monster wouldn't harm them...they hate lawn mowers.).

The man looked up and said, "Do you go to church anywhere?" I didn't expect that question. I'm sure my first look was a bit deer-in-headlights, but I quickly recovered and said that I did. We struck up a short conversation about my church, HealingPointe, his church here in Sullivan and our shared faith. I left a little encouraged that I had a neighbor who cared enough about a stranger to inquire about their spiritual well-being. But also a little curious as to why he asked me the question in the first place. Does he ask everyone this question? If so, I admire that. Or did I just look a little extra in need of Jesus? Not sure how I feel about that one! He could very easily have assumed, "Now here's a struggling single mom with three little kids...maybe she's at the end of her rope and she's open to the gospel! Woman down! Attack for Jesus!" I have no idea. He probably did it out of love and wanting to help someone and I'm overworking my imagination again.

But would I have asked him the same question? Probably not. Why IS that? I want to be bold in sharing my faith. I want to be ready at a moment's notice to help a stranger or have an answer to a spiritual question. I want people to know that having a relationship with God is something they need to think about. But I don't want to be jerk and assume things...which I probably do too often. I judge that this person SEEMS to be in need of Jesus more than this person...based on appearance alone! I don't want to put someone off if I come at them with any trace of judgement or insincerity. I struggle with this, especially as we plan how to invite the neighborhood around our newly acquired church building to our church. How can we be loving, sincere, bold, and prepared to share the thing most important to us? And why is rejection so incredibly scary? And shouldn't I be better at this by now?

But truthfully, at that moment, asking my lawn mowing neighbor if he went to church was about the last thing on my mind! I was ready to say my polite hello and move on without a further thought about him. Oops. It was a good reminder that my mind and heart need to be so saturated with God and his Spirit that I am continually sensitive to what God wants me to do or say to anyone who crosses my path...whether a stranger (who "looks" in need or not!), an aquaintence, a good friend or even my own kids. Sharing my faith can't be just a thing I do when I plan it or when it's convenient.

(I Peter 3:13-16 NIV)
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

So thank you, my lawn mowing neighbor! Your one little question encouraged me to put away my assumptions and ask God for help to keep Him on the front burners of my mind and heart.

'Twas the Night Before Katdishmas

2009-08-05T08:52:00.016-04:00

Dear Katdish,

I wrote (changed the words of) a poem for you!
Sorry/Your're Welcome!
And if I get in trouble from my
A. Mother
B. Grandpa and Grandma
C. Pastor
D. All of the above
for using words like "ho" and "skank," I'm blaming you for being a bad role model...

**If you read my blog via facebook and aren't familiar with my "blog friends" this post will probably make very little sense to you. But you can always visit the blog of my friend Katdish and get in on the hilarity! While you're there, tell her to have a great birthday! And tell her that I do NOT want any stupid Bratz dolls!**

Twas the night before Katdishmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except a computer mouse.
The stockings were thrown in a box without care,
In hopes that the laundry fairy soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in MY bed,
While visions of skank fairies danced in their heads.
And Frank in his fauxhawk, and I in my Snuggie,
Had just settled our brains when the baby needed a Huggie...

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I started to trudge,
Tore open the shutters but the windows wouldn't budge.

The moon on the tassles of the Indiana corn,
Was much like the moon of the cheese buttler of porn.
When, what to my wondering eyes- Sweet Baby Dingos!
But an SUV, and eight tiny flamingos!

With a twitter ho driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it wasn't St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Oswald! now, Redneck! now, Shiny and Slanky!
On, Buddy! On, Boz! on Jeffro, on Skanky!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! On to Skymall!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So into my driveway, the flamingos flew,
With the car full of Crap, and Katdish too.

And then, in a second, I heard on the walk,
The loud boisterous voice of somebody's talk.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
In my front door Katdish came with a bound.

She was dressed in her pjs, from her head to flip flops,
And her clothes were all tarnished with paint drippy drops.
A bundle of Crap she had flung on her back,
(Don't make her bend over, you might see her crack.)

Her eyes-how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her wrath quite scary!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up in a smirk,
She may get sarcastic, but she never will lurk.

She brought us together from the blog SCL,
Sometimes she is deep, ponders heaven and hell.
She annoys famous pastors and promotes with the best,
She's made Billy Coffey a one-woman quest!

She encourages me more than I'll ever tell,
And I snorted when I saw her, in spite of myself!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
Filled our hearts with Jesus, then turned with a smirk.
She fights for the helpless and champions the weak;
She is my fellow church planter...yet calls me a geek.

She sprang to her car, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight,
"Happy Katdishmas to all, and to all....Hey Look a Chicken!"

Our Boat Adventure in Haiku

2009-08-01T17:16:00.007-04:00

Three kids in a boat
All under the age of six
What are we thinking?

Boat in the water
Parking seems eight miles away
Drag the kids to dock

Oops, forgot something
Go back and forth many times
Finally, we're off!

Oldest is frightened
Middle is okay with it
Youngest is gleeful

With knowledge comes fear?
That's my theory anyway
But hugs help the fear

Cruise and eat some lunch
I'm feeling slightly seasick
Close eyes, breath deeply

Feeling better now
Baby hates the life jacket
Here, Daddy, your turn!

Now the real fun starts
"Who wants to tube with mommy?"
Eyes wide, they shout, "NO!"

We convince Joey
Screams in terror on my lap
But later has fun

Annabelle will not
Again, knowledge means more fear
Thumb glued in her mouth

Baby Jay grinning
Just loves the wind in his hair
Too little for tube

Squirrely kiddos
It's about time to go back
Frank disappointed

Trip ruled a success
For a first time, anyway
At least we learned stuff...

"Want to go swimming?"
This is met with joyous, "Yes!"
We head to the beach

Sun, sand, and water
Preschooler heaven on earth
So much for the boat

The Tent (Like The Shack, But Completely Different)

2009-07-28T09:32:00.011-04:00

There I was. Minding my own business on the shelves of the Wal-Mart. It was a pretty good life...making fun of the wimpy, tiny tents, chatting with the sleeping bags... I wasn't overly anxious that anyone would buy me and put me to my intended use, although I suppose I always knew it would happen someday...

Then last Tuesday it happened. This family walked up and picked me up and put me into their cart. No more shelf life for me! I should have been wary right away...there were not one, not two, but THREE little kids in this family. After paying for me at the register, the family took me to their vehicle. Again, a clue to my future demise. The vehicle was hitched to a boat and crammed full of...everything! I spent the next hour stuffed under some kid's legs. I learned the mother's name was "Beth" and the father's was "Frank." I think the kids were named "Stop that," "I said stop," and "Quit, NOW!"

We then arrived at the campsite. The mother disappeared supposedly to buy groceries and the father rescued me from the incessant kicking of generic crock-shod feet. At last...I was to complete my destiny as a useful tent! But things started to go all wrong. I don't think the father read the directions at all! He didn't put all my stakes in. He left the rain fly off, leaving me feeling a little naked... But when all was said and done, I was a useful tent in a campsite for all to see. I was being used the very day I was purchased, which is much better than a life in a basement or garage as I've heard from other tents. Things started to improve. I watched as my family (I considered them mine, now.) played at their campsite and cooked dinner and sang songs around the campfire. Life was good. The mother and father put the little ones to bed, and I was pleasantly surprised that they went to sleep without too much poking and prodding of my sides.

Then it started to rain. At first it was a refreshing sprinkle against my nylon sides. The father and mother hurried to put the rain fly on (incorrectly, I might add, although to their credit it WAS in the dark...). They sought shelter inside as the rain became a steady shower. The pitter patter sounds were relaxing...for awhile. But the rain showed no sign of stopping. The kids continued to sleep well, but the adults kept tossing and turning and muttering and then the father got up to check the weather radar on his fancy phone device. I started to worry as I felt the rain drops sink through my seams and into the sleeping area. Whoa to me, I was failing as a tent on my first night...but there was nothing I could do. My poor family just got wet. The middle boy was sleeping in a puddle. The mother and father had wet feet and water dripping on their foreheads. All the towels were put to use, but they could not stop the ever increasing amount of water seeping into me.

By morning my family was not in good spirits. The entire campsite looked like a giant puddle. They piled on the air mattress and ate dry cereal within my confines. They tried to keep the children from bumping into my sides. They bravely tried to play games, but patience ran thin. Finally they ran for the car, and I was abandoned, a failure as a tent. (I hear they tried going to the nature center, but it was closed for the day. They ended up going to the Bloomington Public Library for awhile and then ate lunch in the car, hoping the weather would clear up soon.)

I desperately hoped for another chance. Surely I could still show this family a good time! But luck and weather were not with me. Still the rain poured into the afternoon. The woman returned to me briefly just to wail bitterly at my failure. How I longed to be back on the dry hard shelves of the Wal-Mart. At least on a shelf I still held the promise of outdoor fun. Soon the father returned, too. He ripped up my muddy stakes and threw my dampened poles on the nearest picnic table. I was wadded up and shoved unceremoniously on the floor of the boat. My poles and stakes did not join me and I had no idea where my carrying bag was. I wanted to shout to them, "Don't forget the stakes and poles!" But alas, a tent has no actual voice. And the stakes and poles were left behind as we drove away from the giant puddle of a campsite...

I feared that this was the end for me. Would I stay a wadded and dripping failure forever? But soon I was rescued and my faith in my family was restored. The weather had cleared up. We reached our destination of "the in-laws' house," and I was taken out and hung up to dry. I watched as "grandma" came to take the children and I was again loaded up for travel. But this time there was a sense of hope in the mother and father as they packed their now dry belongings. It was a second chance for us all.

Once again we arrived at the campsite. The puddle had diminished and the father had great plans for pitching me in a better spot. But the poles and stakes were not to be found. Sigh. I am sure a well-meaning camper thought my family had left their campsite for good, and that my innards were fair game for pillaging, but this left me useless and without hope yet again. Until...the father suggested that I be tied and suspended between the SUV and the boat. He is quite an ingenious man, really, despite his shortcomings in reading directions. So I was again restored to use. I may have looked a little odd, but my family was happy, I was useful, and the night was beautiful and clear...

The next day I was packed away again until the next camping adventure, but at least I was in my carrying bag this time...with promises from the father of finding replacement stakes and poles for me at some place called "Ebay." Despite our rough start, I am beginning to think my family and I will get along quite nicely.

P.S. Beth wanted me to let you know that she had a really good time with Frank after everything was dry and the kids were with grandma. Camping round 2 consisted of lots of loungin' on the boat in the SUN and pursuing the quest to toast the perfect marshmallow. :) Here's a picture of the campsite (post flood) and a lake view from the boat.

Hellooooo, Past Self!

2009-07-27T09:50:00.004-04:00

I promise to write about our family's epic camping adventure sometime soon. There's drama and rain and more rain and emergency trips to the in-law's house. I assure you, it'll be action packed! (Don't worry, it has a happy ending.) But as I settle back into a "normal" type week, I'm opting for a little shorter topic to tackle.

My parents were visiting us this weekend and are preparing to move out of a house that they've lived in for twenty odd years. For some reason they didn't want to move all of my college and high school crapola that I left there. Shocker! So they brought it in big ol' boxes to my house.

Among the old work uniforms, prom dresses, and ugly camp art were many, many papers I had written in high school. I don't know why my teenage self thought to keep ALL of them, but there they were. It was a little strange reading through them and getting re-acquainted with my teenage self. I noticed:
A. I was a little less angsty and more well adjusted than I remember.
B. I wrote exactly how I think and speak unless it HAD to be formal...that hasn't changed a bit!
C. I was rather candid...what high school English teachers are forced to put up with! Yikes!
D. I think I was born kind of an old spirit. Does that make sense? Either that or I haven't changed all that much in 15 years.

So, would you like a taste of 14 year-old freshmen Beth? I am semi-prophetic here on some things...but I am happy to report that I was wrong on some things, too. Even though I'm a "busy" adult, I still find the time to write now and again. The creative spirit does not die with adulthood...in fact, it grows and has more material to work with! ;)

Seize the Day While You Can: A High School English Assignment

When I am an adult, I will long to write poetry,
But I will be busy with a career,
And responsibility,
And a family.
I will be on my aching feet all day long.
Wiping runny noses,
Running errands,
Cooking semi-culinary delights.
All the time longing to be creative.

Yes, you can drive as an adult, and make money too.
You can watch your children grow, and build stronger friendships.
But sometimes life gets dull and routine,
And you will want to write a poem, but won't have the time.

Now we must write poems, assigned for Wednesday or Thursday,
Although we would much rather be out driving or making money.
But write while you can.
In a few years the chance will be gone.
And adults can never be children again.

It's a Sweet Day!

2009-07-16T10:33:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to give a shout out to one of my blog pals, Candy! It's her birthday today! A couple of weeks ago she sent me a little love in the mail including a card that says:

Good friends make each other laugh.
Really good friends go for the snort.

So true! Her comments get lots of snorts from me! I hope this comes out like the true compliment it is, Candy, but you remind me a lot of my Mom...funny, reflective, and a spirit truly in love with Jesus that revels in the beauty of His world!

So wander on over to her blog, Steele the Day and leave her some love, got it? Or I'll be forced put on my Smarty Pants and go all superhero on your booty....

Year 1 As A Stay At Home Mom...Check!

2009-07-15T10:50:00.023-04:00

As we get ready to celebrate the first birthday of Baby Jay, it also marks my first year as a stay-at-home mom. Throughout my pregnancy with Baby Jay, God kept putting it on Frank and I's hearts that it was time for me to step away from the full time work world. That was a hard decision both emotionally, since I loved my work, and financially, since we didn't know quite how the numbers would crunch without my second income, meager as it was. But I was excited about this new gift of time to spend with my husband, my kids, and my church. I thought that God had some stuff in store for me in those areas that I needed to take a bigger part in. That turned out to be true to a certain extent. But I think the biggest thing I have taken from this past year is God's work in my OWN life. Funny, I knew that this change in lifestyle would have some effect on me, but I really didn't go into it expecting God would use this time to make me DO less so I could SEE God more. Does that make sense? I'm probably getting ahead of myself...

Here's the thing. I keep pleeeenty busy physically managing the house, taking care of the kids, and keeping up with stuff going on at church, with friends, with family and all the miscellaneous things in life. But these days my mind and my heart aren't frantically racing to keep up with life like they were a year ago, when at least 40 hours of the week was chock full of work and everything else had to be crammed into what remained. So that leaves a lot more room for thought and reflection and sometimes loneliness on a particularly bad day (or a day that I don't see another adult until 6 or 7 pm). But I really believe God uses change and uncomfortable new things to grow us up a little spiritually.

I don't think I realized how dependent I was upon ACTION as a way of expressing my love for God. Whether at the church or at my job, the "doing" part of things was a a big part of how I defined myself and saw myself as a healthy, growing Christian. And that's so true in a sense. You can't just hear the Word of God and it's instructions and do nothing...(See James 1:22-25)

BUT.

First you have to hear the Word of God! Sometimes I think my mind and heart got so busy I forgot to do that vital first step. I'm not saying that everyone needs to quit their job to improve their spiritual life...but staying at home has been an excellent opportunity for me dig into the Bible and then step back and see that:

1. I just simply need to love God. Just praising him while I wash the dishes or drive to the store is just as important to Him as teaching a forgotten child to read or listening to someone's burdens. I don't know why we humans have a need to categorize things as "God values this and this" over "this and this," but we do. Or at least I do! For more on this read my post about it here.

2. Prayer did not have the importance it should in my life. It's like my prayers were kind of dry and kept safely in a little box. I think my whole definition of prayer has changed this year thanks to IHOP (not the pancake place, the prayer place) and our church. This is hard to admit, but I really don't think I believed in intercessory prayer before. It's like I knew it in theory and I knew God listened, but beyond that I didn't think what I prayed had any effect on the outcome. I know, I know... God has grown my faith through prayer this year. And the more I get to know Him, the easier it is to know the hows, whats, and whos to pray for.

3. My kids are an awesome ministry. I used to feel like I never got enough time with my kids. Every chance I got to spend with them was precious. I rarely got tired of them or needed a break from them because I had too much time away. Now...well, sometimes they drive me absolutely nuts!!! But a few weeks after I had Baby Jay we were at church...I had quit my job, but I was still struggling to let it go. We had a silent prayer and reflection time that evening, and as my head was resting on the table, I had this beautiful picture of Jesus come to mind...bright and shining and his arms were open wide. Three people were running to Him...and I realized they were my kids! They seemed to be all grown up but still children at the same time. Hard to explain. They were just so beautiful, too- laughing and running into his arms. That was so encouraging to me. When the days get long and I feel like I'm a crappy, grumpy mom, I know that God has promised me that wonderful things are in store for my kids through Him. I am exactly where I need to be right now. I know Annabelle's only 5 and doesn't truly understand Jesus' sacrifice for her yet, but when she prays and thanks Jesus for his death on the cross, I know she means it with her all her little heart. She loves to dance and sing about God. She knows that He protects, loves, and provides for her. Priceless...

Over the past year we adjusted to a new baby and life with 3 kids, had some growing (shrinking?) pains as a church, Frank's sister and my sister welcomed their first children into the world, Frank started seminary classes, Frank's dad had scary health issues, I got my first random physical ailment (or whatever Bell's Palsy is), my parents started a new adventure in life and are preparing to move, the church just moved to our own building...as usual, life is not boring!

But God has given me some great gifts this year to help me get used to my stay at home status. I learned that I can indeed cook without killing anyone. I got back into running after a decade of inconsistent exercise (That's putting it kindly!). I have read more than I have in years. The kids and I have had some mini adventures to the library, the lake, planting a garden, visiting friends, and other things that we just never had the time to do before. I have witnessed pretty much every day of Baby Jay's little life and he has been such a joyful baby! I started reading blogs and then writing my own as a new creative outlet. Out of that has come numerous friendships that keep me laughing, encouraged, and spiritually challenged. I have had the chance to deepen my friendship with my pastor's wife and that has been such a major blessing. I have had the chance to reconnect with the gals in my women's group here in town. There is so much to be thankful for these days.

So my sweet Baby Jay may not remember his first birthday, but I will look back on his first year with a lot of praise and thanks to God. He's the One who stays the same when life seems to change by the minute.

I Love the Baby Cows

2009-07-10T22:26:00.005-04:00

Welcome back to another edition of Random Post Week! As I was taking a bike ride this evening (fairly free of malicious dogs, I might add), I rode by our lovely 4H fairgrounds. Tomorrow is the start of the fair and things had that bustling feeling of expectation. I LOVE the fair. Eat a little fattening food, chance my life on the carnie rides... But my hands down favorite thing to do is visit the animals and hope that I will get to see a baby cow.

Now, I know they are really called calves. And although I've lived in small Indiana corn-growin' towns pretty much my entire life, I have not had much farm experience. So bear with me, I just love to call them baby cows. I love their big soft eyes and gangly legs...their velvet noses and slurpy tongues. I was totally in love with the calf Norman in City Slickers.

Why? I have no idea. I like animals okay, but I tend to like people better. My earliest memory of cow love started when I was a kid and I made up these animals called Wrinkle Moos. They were much like the cattle with the big horns, but they had shaggy fur and were wrinkled like a Sharpe dog. I used to tell my sister they were out in the backyard, and when she would look I would say they had disappeared. It kind of was our inside joke and made no sense (like most inside jokes, the more non-sensical the better!) and we were probably way too old to be doing such silly things; it lasted way into high school! But...the "moos" became kind of a thing with us. We fondly called each other mooheads and still do to this day.

And out of this was born the habit of mooing at the cows out the car window as we passed by fields. And if there's a baby or two running around...I get a little giddy. Frank seemed to accept this rather nonchalantly when we were dating (to his credit), and two of the cutest little cows adorned our wedding cake. On our honeymoon there was a pasture behind our rented log cabin. One evening after a rainstorm the cows were standing in the mist right by the fence. We stood and "talked" to them for awhile at sunset and it's one of those memories of just complete and utter peace that I have. (udder/utter...yeah...I just noticed that...)

Love cows. LOVE THEM.

So fair week is upon us and I will stalk the cow stalls and some 13 year old will wonder why an otherwise seemingly sane woman will ask them if she can pet their calf and she will get a happy goofy grin on her face and her three small kids will get tired of the cows before she does...

But sometimes you just gotta stop and moo.

Recycled for Your Reading Enjoyment

2009-07-09T10:09:00.005-04:00

This morning I started thinking about some of the songs I wrote awhile back thanks to my ever creative friend Katdish. I have a couple of posts swimming around in my thoughts in their tadpole stage, but I don't have quite the time or patience to grow them into frogs today. (That was a really weird analogy.) So I thought I'd post some of my song lyrics from back in da day. Here's a song I wrote for Frank the summer we were engaged, exactly eight years ago. A lot seems to have happened in eight short/long years! But what I still like about this song is that Terre Haute is included in it. Who knew that we would still be making our mark there 8 years later?

Painting

Old town, broken down
Past its prime
Not much to do
But sit and whine
About the train that's keeping me awake
Some days I think I've had more than I can take
Then I see your face
You remind me that things can't be that bad

You and me, Babe
We'll paint this town
You and me
Painting with memories

Driving, singing our favorite songs
Laughing, playing all day long
Of course, it's just Saturday
All days can't be that way
But if Saturday is all I have with you
That would be enough for me

You and me, Babe
We'll paint this town
You and me
Painting with memories

You remind me
Things can't be that bad

You and me, Babe
We'll paint this town
You and me
Painting with memories

Old town, broken down
We'll paint it red

Spaghetti and Irony

2009-07-06T10:48:00.009-04:00

Sometimes I'm not sure I know a whole lot. But I know that kids love spaghetti. Here's proof:

We ate spaghetti three times last week. Didn't mean to...just kind of happened that way! But I don't think my kids minded at all. I didn't either, as something as simple as spaghetti is a little different wherever you go. These pics are from last Wednesday when we went to go visit and play with the kiddos at Ryves Youth Center where I used to work. One of the many awesome things about Ryves is that if you're there volunteering at dinner time, you are more than welcome to sit and eat with the kids, which is one of my favorite times there. You can just hang out with them and chat. Have to say the Tastiest Spaghetti of the Week Award, though, goes to our friends the Swanks who had us over for dinner. That sauce was YUMMY, Holli!

Now here's the irony. When we went to Louisville a couple weeks ago, we went to the Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner. Guess what the kids wanted to eat? Macaroni and Cheese. Go figure.

P.S. I will do my best to try to post more than once this week and stop my blog slacktacularness...

Battling the Senses

2009-06-29T10:11:00.008-04:00

Yesterday Frank and I guest led worship for Maryland Community Church, which we have been doing about once a month since November to help out while they have been looking for a new worship pastor. They are participating in a gathering of churches called OnePrayer. There are video messages from different pastors each week to go along with this series, and yesterday's was by Jentezen Franklin. I'd never heard of him before...odd name...had slick hair and a pink shirt...Who is THIS guy I wondered? I was getting ready to roll my eyes and listen with half an ear, (See how I am?) but WOW. I think this is just an excellent and timely message. He takes a pretty obscure and rather violent passage from Joshua (Joshua 10:24-25), and connects it to Christians today overcoming what our five senses tell us. He also encourages us to have the faith to believe that the truth found in God's Word is beyond what we can smell, feel, see, hear, and taste. Here's a bit from the end of the message, but I have a link to the whole thing below as well if you're interested. He says "stinketh" at one point and that alone is worth watching...

See the whole thing.

I think Frank and I both have been struggling with many things pulling at our senses lately. There's not one thing that huge and daunting or disturbing...but a lot of those little things seem to add up quickly to make us feel tired and defeated. It's always good to be reminded where our Center lies, but it particularly was an encouragement to me yesterday. No surprise that when Eric taught at HealingPointe last night that the two messages seemed to relate. Here's the passage he spoke on in James:

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:13-18 NKJV)

I'm not usually a NKJV kinda gal...but did you catch that in this translation bitterness, evny, and selfishness are described as "sensual"? (That's not sexy-type sensual like I first thought...that's "of the senses" sensual.) I rely far too much on my earthly senses. Thus causing confusion and evil stuff. Thus a lack of peace. And so on. It's the times we feel like what we are smelling, feeling, hearing, seeing, and tasting are ganging up against us that we need to point to God's promises to us and say- there is my TRUTH, no matter what I feel today!

Ahhhh....Parenting.

2009-06-23T09:19:00.004-04:00

Frank and I have an observation about parenting young children..or at least our kids. It seems that for a few months everything seems the same. And then suddenly it seems like the kid will change personalities, learn all these new things and become a different new little person. The parents are left trying to adjust to the next stage and play catch up as best we can!

Up until now the kids were good at taking turns at this type of thing. One would be changing but at least the others would stay the same. Lately it's like all three have decided to change at once and it's become more than catch up. It's chaos management!

My little girl is turning into a big girl. She no longer needs Silky, the slip turned security blanket. I "caught" her watching Suite Life of Zach and Cody the other day. Up until now, shows like that were distained as "shows for teenagers," and I was asked to turn the channel. I am also getting daily questions about dating, marriage, and how old you have to be to have a baby. (Run away!!) I'm beginning to suspect she's getting bored with life at home, too. For some reason, Mommy and little brothers are not quite meeting all of her social expectations. Can you be a moody teenager at 5 years old? I think she'll be really happy to make some friends her own age at kindergarten soon. Makes me sad, but happy, but sad again.

My Joey in the Middle is on his own "big boy" journey. For a child who refused to acknowledge his third birthday and wanted to stay a "little boy" for months and months...he now is excited to proclaim that he is 3 and a half. (Well, almost. I'm not bursting the bubble and telling him he still has a couple weeks until the official 3.5.) The potty and underwear- both former evil enemies- have become sudden friends. This is a good thing. This is a bad thing. He's become really proficient at number 1 in the potty. Number 2 is still a mystery not yet realized. This results in a lot of washings of cars and dinosaur underwear. Sigh. Probably too much info, but such is the life of a pre-school mom! Joey is also much more confident in some things. He's been so brave about getting in the pool. He was scared to death of it last year. He's no longer content to watch his sister play on the computer or the Wii. He wants a turn, too! This results in a lot of sibling fights these days. But the little boy in Joey still lives in his little imaginary universe a lot and likes his cuddle time.

Baby Jay is now Big Baby Jay! Well...he was never that little...but gone is my baby baby. I used to be able to lay or sit him somewhere and get stuff done. Haha. Those days are gone! He's a crawling pro and has just started pulling himself up on furniture so he can get into more stuff. It's so great to see his little personality developing. He's fascinated by the dog, a bug, the TV- everything! He's so sweet when he claps his chubby hands or gives a hug or says "Da, da, da!" But trying to keep things out of his mouth and protecting him from falls is a non-stop job. And when he's not on the move, it's food time. His six teeth are getting a good workout these days. He prefers feeding himself table food now, thank you very much. If we're eating something, he wants it NOW.

So between answering relationship questions on a 5 year old level, potty trips and retrieving God-only-knows from my baby's mouth...I don't seem to be getting much else done lately, including blogging. But we've adopted a pretty good motto around here:
"You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit."

At first I thought it was just a fabulous way to stop the "It's not fa-aaaair"s and "Whyyyyyy"s around here. But it's very good advice for me, too! True on many levels. Even though I'm a pretty good fit-thrower...it's hard to give those up, darn it. But most of me knows that soon we'll settle into a new normal. And all too soon my kids will not need me 24/7 and then THAT will probably make me a little sad. And a little happy. And a little sad again. It's a good thing I'm surrounded by encouraging friends and family. You all keep me from a permanent stay at the nut farm. If I haven't said it before...parenting is hard.

It's Not You, It's Me

2009-06-15T14:59:00.005-04:00

Dear Blog,

I guess I haven't written in a week. Whoa. Sorry about that. Wish I could say I took an exotic vacation or organized my entire house or something, but...uh...what DID I do last week? Pretty much the same ol' stuff minus writing. Hung out with the kids. Did some housework. Did some yardwork.

I kept looking at you from time to time, hoping to have something funny or articulate to say. But nothing really was there... Usually there's a bunch of ideas competing for attention and I'll sit and write for hours if I can get away with it, but last week and right now it's just one big blank "DUHHHHH." Plus, I've been kind of moody lately and I really didn't want to take it out on you. It's not you, dear Blog, it's me. I just need some time to sort stuff out... OH! No, I didn't mean it like THAT. We're not breaking up! I still love you, Blog. We'll be together forever! I just feel like taking a break from writing for a bit. Even the best relationships benefit from some alone time now and then, right? If you love something and set it free, and it returns to you...blah, blah, blah....

No Blog, I wasn't trying to be trite or make fun of you. Sorry again. I really do love you. I just think you'll be better off without my attitude right now. So go play with the other blogs for awhile, and I'll see you in a few. I'm going to continue to leave long wordy comments on other people's blogs and wait until I feel like I have something worth saying...then...I'll be back.

Love,
Beth

P.S. I've heard chocolate does wonderful things to nurture the creative spirit.

Another Super Update Spectacular!

2009-06-08T10:04:00.009-04:00

Erg. Sometimes I forget to give updates on the regular stuff of life going on with the fam. And sometimes I just don't have much inspiration or brain power! So here's a little of life as of lately....

1. I'm still running! My uncle just completed a marathon and my cousin's wife did the half marathon. I am nowhere NEAR doing something like this. I'm in week 5 of an 8 week running program after about....10 weeks. But I'm a lot more in shape and my chicken legs are starting to sport some actual muscles and I've even shed a couple pounds. Yay for me! I might be up for a 5 or 10K by Sept.

2. I haven't killed my flowers yet! And the corn and green beans haven't died either! My Becky Home-ecky points keep increasing. Yesssss. Which balances out the points I'm losing for being tired of cooking homemade-type meals for almost a year. I do not enjoy cooking in hot weather.

3. I really want to go camping. Frank and I keep building campfires in the backyard after the kids go to bed. Kind of fuels the "fire" so to speak. Camping with three little children might amount to more work than it's worth...I don't know...but we might try it for a night or two this summer? Pray. For. Us. We might be crazy.

4. My face is slowly getting better. Yeah, remember the Bell's Palsy? It lingers, but like I said, slow, slow improvement. Most of it I've just adjusted to, but it still kind of bugs me that I can't give people a real smile without being lopsided.

5. We have new neighbors in the ex-drug bust house. They brought a big black dog. Sigh. But so far he hasn't eaten any of my trash. So there's a cease fire for now.

6. Frank is on summer break from online seminary. But he's stayed busy keeping our vehicles running and studying for a certification test he's taking at the end of this week. Don't ask me in what. Something to do with servers. He read a sentence from his book to me and it sounded like another language...

7. The kids are growing and learning by leaps and bounds. Some days, they just seem to have grown and changed overnight! I think Annabelle's bored with home and will be more than ready to make some new friends at school in August. Joey would be happy if I let him live in the sandbox all summer. Baby Jay is keeping me on my toes. He is constantly finding new things to get into and put into his mouth. He's perfecting his "Da da da's" and Frank couldn't be more pleased. Or smug. Here's a couple recent pics:

8. The church is closing on our building next week. Woohoo! Now all we have to do is move all the stuff out of our van and our pastor's garage, do some major cleaning, do a little decorating/remodeling...yeah, just little things like that. :) But it's good to know we won't be homeless for more than a couple weeks. Here's the building. Cute, huh? A space that fits us, fits our budget, has a yard, is in a neighborhood we can reach out to and get to know... Time for HP to put down some roots!

We had to move out of our old space by the first of June, so another church in town, Father's Glory Ministries has graciously let us meet with them this past Sunday as well as next week. We had a great time getting to know them Sunday. Frank and I won't be able to go next Sunday as we've already committed to leading worship for another church Sunday...which leads me to my next thing:

9. It seems like we're all over the place lately! But that should slow down a little after next week. It's been great to see the Body of Christ in big groups, small groups, different denominations and styles. But I'm glad for a day to chill a little...I have a sore throat and am pretty wiped out today...I have no idea why. It's not like we were yelling into microphones or anything:

Behind the Music: Local Outdoor Christian Events

2009-06-05T09:40:00.010-04:00

My friends, we have entered the festival and outdoor concert season. Tomorrow Frank, some friends of ours, and myself will be playing some tunes for Jesus Day in Vincennes, Indiana. It's been quite awhile since we've done an outdoor gig. I'm a little nervous. Is it fun to listen to music in the great out of doors in such places as parks or church lawns? Absolutely! But it increases the Something-Can-and-Will-Go-Wrong Factor by about 2000%. So while you sit in your lawn chair and send your kids to the bouncy castle so you can have 2.6 minutes of freedom from "Hey, Mom. Mom. Mom. MOM. MOOOO-OOOOMMM! Can I have some...popcorn/Coke/candy/cash/the phone/a goldfish/a shiny Buick?," the peeps on stage might be facing some of the following:

1. The Joys of Nature. If it rains...we have lots o' electricity running to expensive gear that is strapped to us that is not waterproof. That will teach you the true Fear of the Lord. If it's too hot, you sweat and complain. If it's too cold you can't feel your fingers enough to play. If it's too sunny, the music is one big unreadable white blur and I can't read the screen on my keyboard to see what the settings are. Fab-o. If there's too much wind, the music can blow away...I need some rocks or paperclips stat! If it's too dark, again, I can't read my music. Is that a "C" or a "Q"? Memorize my music, you say? Well, that would be great if I had no small children and could practice 3 hours a day...but...uh... I think a bee just stung me.

2. Schedule snafus. The people who run festivals and events are often capable and organized and hard-working and not paid. They rock. But rarely are they musicians. So it sounds awesome to schedule 8 bands that day, giving them each 45 minutes to play...but that always, ALWAYS leads to getting behind in the schedule. It takes awhile to set up and tear down for each band. And I don't usually see band leaders looking at their watches to see if their allotted time is up. This could be the one shot of fame they have, and they will play until they get the cold steely eye of death from the organizer! The result? Things get behind. Not to mention one band was 2 hours late getting to the fest because their rad WV van broke down 3 times coming from Iowa to Indiana. The time you play is probably not the time you play. But you'd better be there 6 hours early just in case... And you will have no sound check or warm up. Good luck!

3. Can You Hear Me Now? Sometimes you get a good sound check and you get to adjust all the levels of all the instruments and make sure you can hear yourself sing and the instrument you're playing. The sound tech is wonderful to work with and listens to your needs and responds. You have adequate time to warm up and make adjustments. When you step up to the mic, you are confident and ready to rock. Then there's the other 98% of the time. All you hear is drums and you see people's mouths moving and you desperately hope that's the right key you are pressing and the right note you're singing...

4. Pregnancy. Okay, a lot musicians probably don't face this. But I have. And while I'm not pregnant now...I have done many an outdoor gig while pregnant. It dampens the "rock out factor" a bit when you have to pee like crazy while on stage for 3 hours straight...or feel a little nauseous when you see the crowd chowing down on nachos... Good times. Noodle salad.

5. Equipment failure. Strings snap. Keys stick. Sticks break. Cords short out. Speakers blow. Fuses blow. A guitar stand suddenly collapses and you hear a deafening...CHUNGGGGGG! One minute you're having a rockin' good time...and the next there's a complete and utter blackout on stage. Yes, these are a few of my favorite things.

6. Human error. We all make mistakes; I don't care how good you are. Many times, those mistakes happen on stage. Someone plays the wrong note, sings the wrong words, forgets that last chorus we added, and the beat goes on. Most of the time. Sometimes the drummer lapses and the beat does not go on. My go-to errors are: getting too into the music or the crowd and then I forget to change the setting on my keyboard. It's a soft and somber moment in the music...when suddenly... Beth plays an incredibly loud organ note for no reason! Awesome! That didn't kill the mood at all! Or I close my eyes and bash my face into the microphone. Equally awesome! I can sing of your love forever with a bloody lip and chipped tooth!

7. Phobias. Have you ever stood on a flat bed truck? It's a lot higher up than it looks. There might be a way to climb up there. There might not be. You might be 3 inches from the edge of the Dark Abyss of Death. You might not. The stage looks like it's made of paper sacks and concrete blocks. Maybe you will fall through the stage. Maybe you won't. It's a fun game.

8. That guy. When you get a bunch of people together, especially Christians, strange things happen. Yes, there's the guy who yells "JESUS!" at every event. I don't mean that guy. I kind of love that guy. I'm talking about the guy that tells a band member's wife that hugs are inappropriate displays of affection at a youth event, assuming they weren't married. And when he found out they were married, he didn't apologize. And then he was in a skit where he hugged his wife in front of everyone. THAT guy. Of course that's a totally hypothetical situation...

So...with all the distractions, why do we keep saying yes to these things? Well, you see, it's like this. God saw fit to give me a talent and a passion to praise Him through music. I am nowhere near the most talented or most polished musician in my little corner of Indiana, but He's given me opportunities to serve and teach others a little bit about what worship looks like in our lives. Sometimes it's loud. Sometimes it's soft. Sometimes it's silly and fun. Sometimes it's reverent. Sometimes everything goes great and people worship and we get to share our hearts with people and we feel like God did big works through us and maybe they even took up an offering to pay for our gas! Sometimes everything seems like a failure and people look like they'd rather be stabbing themselves in the eye with a pencil and we just have to trust that God put us there for a reason that we'll only understand in heaven someday.

So if you see me tomorrow chasing my kids around the park, trying to keep my music from flying off the stand, sweating buckets...yeah, it's kind of crazy to do these things, and I might have 18 more gray hairs by the end of the day. But it's worth it. I will get one more day to worship with my family, some of the most awesome friends a girl could have, and a bunch of complete strangers who I will share eternity with. Now that really IS awesome. :)

Look! It's me! Outdoor event + pregnant + too sunny + music trying to escape + bouncy castle= Why did someone take this picture?

Ha Ha

2009-06-02T09:15:00.000-04:00

I've been extra serious/reflective in my last two posts. And lately it seems like I've been fighting the man at every turn. (By "the man" I mostly mean lovely institutions such as my Dr.'s billing office and my worthless insurance company...which ironically are usually women...?) So in honor of crappy weeks, how about a laugh, y'all?

Things that are making laugh a whole lot...

1. www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com
Oh my. Lots of awesome to explore here! If you don't think these are funny, you probably don't have a warped and twisted sense of humor like I do, and I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for you. Just a taste:

2. Watching literal videos on Youtube. Go ahead. Type it in the search box. It's like the music videos I've always wanted to make, but didn't even know it until now! Thanks to Marni for the sweet tip on this one.

So...what makes you laugh these days?

Home

2009-05-28T10:03:00.005-04:00

I got to spend some time with a lifelong friend of mine the other day. We were in kindergarten together...graduated high school together...and then went our separate ways to college and beyond. But we've always managed to stay in touch and have always said that no matter how much time passes between our meetings, we can always pick back up right where we left off! Both of our sets of parents are planning to move in the near future. It got us talking about how the family changes through time. Our grandparents used to be the "centers" of our families, and now we see that role being taken on by our parents now that THEY are the grandparents. We talked about how Plymouth, Indiana, the town we spent our entire childhood no longer seems like "home."

And yet...It still does feel like home in some ways. I went to Plymouth last weekend...probably the last time I will spend with my family in the house I grew up in.

We moved in when I was 6. My biggest memory of moving was that I was very afraid that I would get lost walking to school from my new house. The old one was directly across from the playground. This house was two blocks away and I couldn't see the school from my house! But somehow I found my way. Whew! :)

Close to half of my life happened in that house. Lots of games of baseball and soccer in the backyard. Lots of plays performed on the screen porch. Lots of pioneer families took residence under the TV antennae. Lots of books read. Lots of chores done. Lots of piano lessons half practiced. Disney Afternoons were watched. Dates came to pick me up. I crashed the van in the garage. Graduation parties. Staying up too late on the computer during my college summers. You know...I could go on. It was life and a pretty fantastic place to grow up. To say I'm thankful for my parents and my childhood and the house that went with it doesn't quite run deep enough to express my true gratitude.

I went out to run on Memorial Day morning and ran to the cemetery near my parents' home. Fitting on Memorial Day, I thought, as I watched an older gentleman in a pointed military hat set up a platform for a ceremony to be held later in the day... And I concluded it seemed to be a day of memorial for me as well beyond those who fought for freedom. Mom took us on walks at that cemetery as children and we would love looking at the dates and names of the people and try to imagine what their lives were like. (Yeah, we'll just pretend that's a normal thing to do...but to this day I like cemeteries.)

Anyway...there was a certain spot in a certain corner where the little road curved to meet an old farm fence. Inside the fence was a field of flowers, and outside the fence was shaded by a row of giant evergreen trees that had branches that reached toward the sky in giant U's. I always imagined that the trees were reaching their arms to heaven, praising God in quiet reverence of those who had passed away and whose bodies lay beneath their roots, but whose spirits were with Him. It was peaceful and quiet and the grass was extra soft and dark and long...like grass tends to get in extra old and shady spots. Being a slightly morbid child, I always thought that it would be wonderful to be buried there where the trees praised God. On my Memorial Day run, that was the exact place I wanted to go by myself and remember. Except...the trees were gone. At first I thought it had been so long that I had just forgotten where my special spot was. But the fence was there. The field was there. And the trees were not. For some reason, this was the one thing that made me really angry and sad in all the goodbyes. "They" just had to go and take my trees from me, too!? Not fair! But I also kind of felt like God was was using this to say..."Time moves on, Beth! It's okay to be sad, but I have a different place for you now. I have a different place for your parents now, too. And it's a good thing. Your home is not found in houses or church buildings or even in spots where the trees praise God. Your home is in ME."

So my parents will move. My church is getting ready to move (Although that's more exciting, but it also comes with some serious work and changes!). And although in general I'm pretty horrible about moving...I'm starting to "get" that the places that we call home aren't our true home at all. Paul says it well in 2 Corinthians 5:1-10. I cannot and will not ever be completely comfortable here on earth; I need to long for my true home in Heaven.

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

Shawn McDonald says it well, too.

Home

I've seen enough to say that I know
That this old world is not my home
From lustful eyes and tainted lies, pride to hide the way that I
The way that I feel inside

I am ready to go home
I'm packing my bags and I'm hitting the road
I am ready to go home
I'm packing my bags and I'm hitting the road

I'm packing my bags and I'm hitting the road
Yes, I'm gonna run, I'm gonna run for my home
To stand in the sight of the Living God
That's where I'm longing to be

(Why stick to the lyrics on the original recording? Here's some extra lyrics he adds in the bridge of this version that I like:
I am going to head for my home
My home is not found here oh no no no
But up with the Lord, oh yeah)

Trust in the Lord, Trust in the Lord, Trust in the Lord...

2009-05-16T23:10:00.005-04:00

Last week I attended WVLUN. No, not the Wacky Vampire League of Underwear Nightswimming. (That's next week. All you vampires out there, don't forget to bring your own undies!) I'm talking about Wabash Valley Ladies Unity Night. It's an annual event here in the "Valley" where the chicas from area churches get together for an evening of worship, inspiration, and encouragement. And simply to say..."Hey! We're Christians and it's good for us to get together and see how many of us there really are around here!" Because it is.

The last WVLUN I went to was three years ago. I had a good time. I went with some fun gals. The speaker was a very funny, cool lady(You know, the one with the Mom Song, Anita Renfroe?)...although I felt a little young for the event...and I can't say that I walked away with something that hit me hard enough spiritually to stick with me three years later.

This time, though...WOW! I got so much out of it. And I didn't seem young at all for it. So did I just age incredibly in three years? Or was it just aimed more at me? Have I just grown a bit spiritually? Did more young-ish women come this time? I have no idea. Probably some combination of all of the above. But I left with a lot to think about. Here's a taste:

1. I got to have a nice dinner with some of the gals from our church. Always good to get to know everyone better and not have to cook. :)

2. They had a worship band comprised completely of local women. Even a drummer. They rocked! It was exciting to worship in that environment.

3. I love seeing how all sorts of people are in the Body of Christ! Different denominations, ages, styles, races, traditions...out of just in the women who live in my area. This was such a tiny and limited sample of the people that have Jesus in common. Heaven will be a beautiful place indeed.

4. Our speaker was Lysa TerKeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministries. I really didn't know what to expect, so I went with perhaps lower expectations than I should of. I always fear that events like this will end up barely scratching the surface of the Bible's truths and end up kind of watered down, weepy, fluffy, and cheesy motivational speaker-y. Pretty cynical of me, huh? But she totally destroyed my cynicism. She was hilarious, real, and challenged the heck out of me. Hands down, she was the best women's event speaker I have ever heard. She used her own life stories to relate how she went from a Christianity of just following "the rules" to a true relationship with God. She told us how she obeyed God's call to adopt two teenage boys from Liberia when it did not make any sense to anyone else and was too big for her to handle. Her underlying message, I suppose, was that women can change the world and do way beyond what they think they are capable of by learning to listen and obey God's plan for your life. And it's not always a comfortable plan. God will expect us to do things that ARE beyond our ability so that we learn to depend on Him. That just sounds trite and obvious when I write it out. She did a much better job of expressing it!

It resonated a lot with ME simply because I see this played out in our stepping out to plant a church in the last 3 years and all that journey has taught us. I see it in the decision to quit my full time job about a year ago and trusting that God would help us through the "what ifs?" of our finances and all the changes that went along with it. I see it in our pastor's family that left their whole life in Louisiana to come to unknown Terre Haute to plant a church. I see it in my parents who are about to embark on their own new adventures that requires faith. And on and on. So I will keep trying to live out faith and trust in God no matter what that looks like. And I desperately hope that many other women grabbed on to that message and that they say "YES!" to God when he asks them to do something that's too hard or too big or too scary or too overwhelming.

Here's a verse she used that night and has been following me for the past month...it was the theme to my Emmaus Walk...I heard it at church this past Sunday...isn't it great when God makes it really obvious that you are supposed to "get" something? He knows that some things are easy to read or hear but can take a lifetime to do.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

This Might Be Worse Than the Ducks

2009-05-14T09:44:00.007-04:00

I am really, really sore. And it's all because animals are out to get me.

First the duck incident in high school.

Then there's the two dogs I've owned that have had serious co-dependency issues. Not to mention trash eating and floor pooping issues. They have worn me down slowly. Patiently.

Now...two dogs I don't even know took it upon themselves to try to take me out quickly and with the efficiency of hit men in international spy movies. It must be an international dog spy ring...and the two dogs next door tipped these mongrels off that my husband tried to shoot them with a pellet gun for a tiny, trivial little thing like getting into our trash 3 times a week.

Or maybe it's a generational curse. My own father was taken down by a very large dog once while on a bike. It wasn't pretty.

*****

Tuesday was a beautiful Spring day. After dinner I needed to take some cookies to a friend of mine and I wanted to get out and run. Then...lightbulb! Why not get the bike out of the shed, dust it off, and bike the cookies out to her house, thus killing two birds with one stone? Fantastic idea! In theory. Here is what happened:

I loaded the cookies into a backpack. I took a bottle of water just in case I needed a little refreshment. I figured the trip was about 4-5 miles. Just about perfect for some excercise without over-doing it.

Off I went. I was enjoying the neighborhoods of my small town. The flowers. The sunshine. And then....the train. The road that led to my friend's house was blocked by a train. That wasn't moving. That had no intention of moving any time in the next hour or twelve. This happens a lot around here. Hmmm. I guess I'll just go to the next crossing, I thought. Even though that makes the ride quite a bit longer and I'm not sure quite how to get back to this road... But it's a beautiful evening! I might as well enjoy it and get a little extra exercise.

So ride, ride, ride I did until the next crossing. I was already getting a little tired, but SURELY there was a road that I could take back to my destination. My alternate route was a busier road. I was trying hard to look like I biked all the time and wasn't struggling up hills and that I always carry backpacks full of cookies... And then. THE DOGS.

There were two. They were large. The were mean. They started to run in my direction. I tried to pretend I didn't care. But I pedaled a little faster. I saw a road up ahead that could be my turn to get back on track. But the dogs. They nipped at my feet. They KEPT chasing me way past their own yard. I was a afraid to turn on to the road because that was the side the dogs were on! So I ended up just going straight. Hoping there would be another road. And finally the dogs got tired of chasing me and went back to torture the next victim who happened to decide it was a nice evening for biking.

So on I went. Of course, there was no next road. I realized the lake now stood between me and the area I needed to be. I was going to have to bike around the entire lake, and THEN I would be closer to home than my friend's house. Sigh. For the most part I still enjoyed the ride. The lake was gorgeous. The roads were peaceful...except for 3 or 4 more dogs that chased me. Fortunately they weren't so intimidating as the first dogs. The straw to my water bottle was dysfunctional. Thanks, kids, for chewing a hole in it! The hills were getting harder to climb. But I was getting closer to home...

I only had the railroad track to cross and a few blocks after that. As I approached the tracks, the lights and the bell started to ring. NOOOOOOOOOOO! I would not, could NOT be stopped by another train. I summoned all my energy and raced to the crossing and looked to find the train still a good distance away. I usually have a HUGE fear of train tracks and will not cross if the lights are on, no matter how far away the train is, but this time, I sped over them disregarding lights and bells. Take THAT, train! I laugh at your warning! Ha. Puff. Ha ha. Wheeze. Puff.

So my little brilliant idea turned into a 9-10 mile ride and I had to call my friend and tell her the cookies would be delivered the next day because I am a weirdo. I also had to replace a few broken cookies with cookies from the family stash. I guess cookies aren't meant to be in a backpack bumping along for 10 miles? Who knew??

I am so sore. I have been proud of myself for running this spring and I thought I had built up SOME sort of endurance, but my legs, back and arms are not happy campers. But the worst is...my booty. My aching, Frank-lovin' booty.

But if nothing else, I now know that I will NEVER run my route around the lake. Oh...I may work up to being quite the little distance runner by fall, but I am NOT facing those dogs on foot. Nah...the next time I'm on that road, I'm going to be in my van packing a pellet gun. Bring. It. On. Doggies. I triple dog dare you.

Interview with a Frankster

2009-05-12T10:55:00.000-04:00

So I worked up some courage to ask my husband some questions posed as a challenge from Sherri, my friend at Matter of Fact. The questions are designed to reveal a little bit about what I treasure most as seen by a person closest to me...and they are sometimes those loaded questions that are hard to ask. And the rules are that I had to post what Frank REALLY said. He was a little dubious at first...but the man loves me and humored me. Enjoy!

1. WHAT IS MY FAVORITE COMFORT FOOD?
Dove chocolate.

(Too true. I could eat bags and bags of it.)

2. IF MONEY WERE NO OBJECT, WHERE WOULD I LIKE TO GO ON VACATION?
Barcelona, Spain

(Hard to pick just one. I hate making choices like this. But I did adore Barcelona when I was there with my mom and dad and would love to go back there someday with Frank and I have told him that a few times. That is a city with some magic...)

3. HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT HOUSEWORK?
Laundry is of the devil. Dishes are worse.

(Haha. I don't mind laundry so much...just the fact it never ends! And yes, dishes ARE worse.)

4. WHAT IS MY LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
Probably dishes.

(Yup. The dishwasher has helped a lot, though. I've stopped cussing out the silverware.)

5. WHAT BRINGS ME THE MOST JOY?
When I answer stupid questions on blog surveys for you.

(Um...he might have been a little reluctant to do this. Can you tell? But he said it with a touch of humor. And it DID make me happy.)

6. I HAVE A SATURDAY WITH NO COMMITMENTS. HOW WOULD I SPEND IT?
In your pjs.

(True. 'Nuff said.)

7. WHAT IS MY GREATEST GIFT?
There's so many, how do I pick just one...(Dead pan and sarcastic. Gotta love Frank. It takes spending some time with the man before you can tell if he's joking or not. 99% of the time, he is. Hard to convey that in writing.) Is that it? (Meaning, are the questions done yet? I said "No.")
You harmonize well.

(I would say that IS the thing I really love to do and am happy to do well. And a huge compliment from a multi-talented musician such as my hubby.)

8. WHAT IS MY GREATEST TALENT?
(Here we got into a discussion about what a gift was versus a talent. We settled on a gift being something God given that you just can "do" while a talent is something you can improve with practice??) Music, I guess.

(Well, if you go by that definition, that's an area where I've practiced and improved a lot over the years! And it's a talent that I'd be lost without. I might have answered something people related, though, like the ability to get along with pretty much anyone...)

9. WHAT IS MY GREATEST FEAR?
Nuclear holocaust. (Again. Deadpan.) No...one of the kids getting hurt.

(True. Or Frank getting hurt/dying.)

10. WHAT IS MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE?
When you can't communicate with them.

(Interesting answer. And probably true. I hate it when I feel like I'm not getting a clear message across to someone or I don't get what they are trying to convey to me. Or if I simply can't get a hold of them when I NEED to tell them something. Maybe that's more of what he meant... Anyway, it bothers me a lot if I feel like there isn't peace between myself and someone else.)

11. WHAT IS MY FAVORITE BOOK OF THE BIBLE?
Isaiah. (What?! Seems like a strange book to name. Then he reminded me of a song I wrote around Isaiah 40:28-31, some of my favorite verses.) How many songs have you written about Ruth? (Uh, zero, even though I like that book, too.)

(I really didn't know what to answer on this, different books for different times, so I think it was a good answer.)

12. WHAT DO I HATE MOST ABOUT MY BODY?
Scalp.

(True. Sometimes it's just flaky and gross and nothing has worked yet to make it go away.)

13. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS MY BEST FEATURE?
(He smiled. Said nothing. Then...) Your booty. (What!!) Well, do you want me to be honest? (Yeah. I laughed.) Your legs are a close second.

(I'm glad those are good features, really, but um...something above my rear should have honorable mentions! My lips, my eyebrows..something!)

14. WHAT IS MY MOST ANNOYING HABIT?
You tell me about your dreams that don't make sense and it's obvious I don't care, but you keep telling me anyway.

(Whew. I was kind of afraid of this one. That's not so bad. I'm not telling you what I thought he would say. And I HAVE woken him up many, many times to tell him about some crazy dream I just had...or told him all about it first thing in the morning when he hasn't had a chance to wake up yet.)

So there you have it, folks! Frank said he'd be monitoring this post to make sure I told the truth...I'm sure all comments will be monitored as well.

I did learn quite a bit from this. Later we talked a little about what really does bring me joy. It surprised me how hard of a question that was to answer for me AND him. We both kind of avoided it! I guess it reflects that sometimes life as a stay at home mom is harder on me than I think, and that is seen in my actions- especially at home. I trust Frank and the kids to love me even at my worst; they get the true me whether they want it or not! But on the flip side, it might be time to intentionally SHOW a little more joy to those closest to me, because they DO bring me great joy. If joy is a Fruit of the Spirit I'm lacking, it might not hurt to ask God to develop that in me, too. ;)

Soooo...are you up for the challenge?? All you have to lose is a little pride...

Reasons I am Not on Twitter

2009-05-11T10:00:00.000-04:00

Yeah. I know. Someday I'll probably cave and eat each delicious word found here in this post. But, for now, this is why I'm staying clear of Twitter:

1. I have the temptation of being on the computer too much each day. God and I talk about this. Right now we've found a pretty good balance. That oh so delicate balance could be in jeopardy with Twitter. (Ya hear that, Frank? I'm admitting that SOMETIMES I'm on the computer too much. Gook luck getting me to say it out loud.)

2. Twitter seems to be much more useful for those on the go who can update their statuses and read those of others from their super cool computer/phone/pda/cuisinart devices. I have no such device. I don't need one. I don't want one. And if I had one, I'd just be at home by the real computer anyway....see reason number one.

3. People (*cough* KATDISH!) have told me I need to be on Twitter. Therefore, I will not be. You are not the boss of me.

4. It seems to be full of advertising. I get too much of that from the computers that call me each day to tell me my warranty on my car is expired. Silly computers. Don't they know that I've never owned a car new enough to HAVE a warranty on it?

5. You have to keep your words under a certain word count. Have you READ my posts? Have you read my COMMENTS? I'm not a person of few words in cyberspace. Trying to whittle down what I'm thinking to 140 characters or whatnot will just cause me to spend MORE time on the computer. (Back to reason one again...)

6. Half of my tweets would be about changing diapers or feats like installing toilet seats. You get enough of that if you're my facebook friend. I know, I know, you can feed your twittery tweeties to facebook, but I like things the way they are. See reason three.

So, if you love Twitter...awesome. Tell me about it. I'll listen and be excited for you. I can see how it can be good to network with people and communicate stuff and have a little fun and brighten your day. But if you tell me to join, be prepared to be kicked in the cyber shins. Because I am stubborn and I don't want any more computer temptation. Now if you tell me Twitter will pay me crazy amounts of money or do the dishes for me, THEN we will talk. You'll have to excuse me...the baby is trying to eat VHS tapes. That's right. They go in a VCR. Did I mention I'm stubborn...and perhaps slightly technology resistant?

P.S. You are not the boss of me.

The Post That's Been Hard to Write

2009-05-07T12:13:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday evening through Sunday evening, I had the opportunity to attend a Walk to Emmaus. This is a retreat for Christians...there's separate ones for guys and gals...where you go to get closer to God...and they don't tell you much more than that. You have a sponsor, someone who has been on the walk before, that turns your initial paperwork and then you start receiving letters in the mail saying things like "leave your watch and cell phone at home" and "bring extra shoes because the camp is extra muddy." You kind of have to wonder what you're getting into...but your pastor, whom you TRUST(hear that, Eric?), really encouraged you to go...so...you go.

Let me say that it is very worth the time if you get the chance to go! And if you knew all that happens, it would take away from some of the wonderful surprises in store.... :) Tee hee hee.

Anyway, at the end of the walk, they ask you two questions:

1. What did you learn?

2. What are you going to do about it?

And they put you up in front of a bunch of people right before you go home and want you to answer! I don't know about you, but it takes me awhile to sort through all the thoughts I have after being bombarded with GOD for three days straight. So I said that when it was my turn. Kind of unfulfilling for the listeners I'm sure, but I really didn't want to say something that wasn't in my heart. Far too easy to spout a pat answer without thinking about it, and it's rather personal stuff not easy to summarize in a minute or two.

So...enough stalling.

1. What did I learn?

I learned that I still have a lot of pride to get rid of. Sometimes I judge and think I'm better than other Christians or more mature than other Christians or cooler than other Christians and that is sin and it needs to go. I am in need of Jesus as much today as I was when I was a little 6 year old kid asking Jesus to come into my heart. It was good for me to go to this thing with half a face that worked. I couldn't be Super Girl that way. I had to struggle to worship. I had to struggle to concentrate. I had a lot less self-confidence than I normally do. So I think I was more myself and less what I thought others wanted to see. I know it's cheesy, but one of the speakers said that "I" is in the middle of the word "sin". "I" is also in the middle of the word "pride". Hmmmm... So during a time of prayer when I do the "What do you want to show me today, God?" thing, the word PRIDE just kept surfacing in my mind. Here ya go, God. Take my ugly pride everyday. It's hard to give up, but I want to do it with your help. One of the ladies who gave a talk, an AMAZING woman with an AMAZING story, ended to a standing ovation by all of us. I expected her to bow her head humbly and say a quiet thank you as she left the stage...that's what I try to do when I get a compliment and try not to bring attention to myself. That's one of my best fake humility tricks. Nope. She lifted her head pointed her finger up to God and said "All glory to God!" with the biggest smile. THAT'S what I want to be like. I know God has blessed me with gifts from Him. Instead of wishing praise away so I won't have to deal with pride, I want to do a better job of openly directing glory where it's supposed to go. Okay, I might be rambling now, but that was a big lesson for me.

Another lesson was about fear. I heard many powerful testimonies this weekend. Some were among the women in my table group. Some were from speakers. But the most powerful one was a women outside my table that I only said a couple words to. She has cancer and has been through every treatment you can go through in the last 4 years. She's not much older than me. She's a teacher. She loved to run. She has a 10 year old son. She will die in the next month or two unless God heals her, and she is at peace with dying. She was extremely tired and was in pain the entire weekend. But she participated in everything, even if she had to lie down and just listen or take a golf cart to the next event. And I saw her laughing several times. Smiling. Wow. I have never gone through what I would classify a "tragedy." No unexpected deaths of those close to me. No big illnesses. No abuse, divorce, addictions that so many triumph over with Jesus. I have been blessed beyond measure with a wonderful Christian family, husband, friends, and churches throughout my life and I am so thankful. There have been some hard times, definitely, but sometimes I wonder how I would stand up to something "big" and tragic. I realized this weekend that I have a lot of fear about that. But through this woman, other testimonies over time, and seeing the sacrificial love of many, I saw that I could let go of that fear. God takes care of those he loves. It's one of those truths I knew but I didn't KNOW. I've seen it in my own life to a degree, and I've seen it in the lives of others to a much more powerful degree. It may sound a little morbid, but for the first time I told God, "I'm truly looking forward to heaven, and I think I can trust you even if the most horrible circumstances came into my life." Kind of a scary prayer, huh? But true.

My final lesson was about the power of love in the Body of Christ. I saw that on a whole new level this weekend. It's easy to get discouraged sometimes and believe the lie that you're all alone as a Christian. Or that your group of friends...or that your church are the only ones. Even though I have a FANTASTIC support system through family, friends, bloggy pals, my Sullivan women's group, my church...I still get in a funk and think I'm all alone some days. Not true. I was shown love by those closest to me and those who don't even know me this weekend. The love of God reaches a lot farther than I think. I was really encouraged by that. Heaven's gonna rock.

2. Now...what am I going to do about it?

Pride: I'm going to pray about that every day. I don't want to put on a show of humility and then be secretly smug when I receive praise about the stuff I did. I don't want to keep the praise for myself. Instead, I want to present it to God as a thank you. I'm also going to be asking God for help to quit rolling my eyes and being critical of Christians who don't do things the way I do, or those who are facing things that I think I've already dealt with. I say I'm a "team player" in the Body of Christ a lot, but many times my thoughts don't reflect that.

Fear: It's time to lose the "What ifs." There's not a whole lot of application other than that. But hopefully my time will be more focused on the TODAY that I'm given instead of worrying about the possible problems of the future.

Loving the Body of Christ: Sometimes I think I don't make the effort to tangibly show love to other Christians because I figure they already KNOW love and don't really need it. Good excuse to be lazy! So in the past I've focused my love on non-Christians. While that's a very very good thing, I realized that Christians are still in need of love, too. I certainly am. So I'm going to try to practice that in more tangible ways that are less comfortable for me. It is easiest for me to encourage others with words or with my time(prayers), but I'm much less likely to encourage with say...a hug, a hand squeeze....a tangible gift...a card... I probably need to read that 5 Love Languages book I've been avoiding for about 10 years. Who wants to send me a copy? I know it's at your house collecting dust somewhere...

I think that's about it. See? If I would have said all of this at the closing, they would have taken all their love back! And it only took me 4 days to put it together. I predicted 3 weeks, so I'm way ahead of schedule. I'll conclude with our theme verse for the walk, which pretty much says all that I just said in one simple sentence.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Feliz Cumpleanos

2009-05-05T08:11:00.002-04:00

I'll get back to my regular blogging soon, but for this morning, a special HAPPY BIRTHDAY is in order for my friend, Annie K! She's a strong, funny, adventurous women who loves Jesus and lives in the beautiful state of Oregon with her husband, teenagers, and pretty much the cutest dog in the whole wide world. Check out her blog if you get a chance today and leave her some comment love! And since she speaks Spanish, here is my song just for her today...

Feliz cumpleanos a ti,
Feliz cumpleanos a ti,
Feliz cumpleanos mi querida amiga,
Feliz cumpleanos a ti!

Te quiero mucho! I think taking a vacation in Mexico with you would be about the most fun thing EVER. So someday we'll have to do that...

Eight is Great!

2009-04-28T14:41:00.005-04:00

Helen and Sherri have posted this little get to know you exercise in eights, so I'm playing along...

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Went for a run after not running for more than a week.
2. Watched too much Myth Busters. Did I really need to know how slippery banana peels are? Ok, I did.
3. Took pictures of the kids playing outside.
4. Made BBQ pork chops.
5. Started reading a book I've already read but forgot the plot to.
6. Got ready to go to the store and realized my wallet was in the van with Frank.
7. Changed many a diaper.
8. Ate popsicles on the porch.

8 Shows I Watch (I submit that preschool TV does not count.):
1. House
2. What Not to Wear
3. Biggest Loser
4. My Boys
5. Jeopardy
6. Antiques Road Show
7. Local News
8. The Office

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
1. Move the right side of my face.
2. Travel more.
3. Fly.
4. Wave a magic wand to clean the house.
5. Play guitar better without having to practice.
6. Spend more time with extended family.
7. Whistle.
8. Beat Frank at a video game.

8 Things I am Looking Forward To:
1. Going on my Emmaus Walk.
2. All my kids being potty trained.
3. Going swimming this summer.
4. Going on a crazy cross-country adventure someday with Frank when all the kids are grown up.
5. Seeing Jesus when I die.
6. Eating the chocolate I bought at the store today.
7. Baby Jay's first steps.
8. When all my fun blog friends meet.

Mighty to Save

2009-04-26T09:59:00.002-04:00

Oh...it's been quite and up and down week. Good thing God never moves... Here's song that's meant a lot this week for me, and hopefully I'll be back regularly soon.

Mighty To Save

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

Shine Your light &
Let the whole world see
We're singing
For the glory
Of the risen King
Jesus

You're the Savior
You can move the mountains
Lord You are mighty to save
You are mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
You rose & conquered the grave
Yes You conquered the grave

If You Thought I was Freaky Before...

2009-04-20T10:36:00.006-04:00

So. Um. Half my face isn't working right.

I had these eye twitches and lip twitches going on all day Saturday. Kind of annoying, but I wrote it off to stress and being tired. My tongue was kind of numb and food didn't taste right. Plus I felt sick anyway.

Then I woke up early (or at least early for us) on Sunday...and the right side of my face was not working. My eye only closes with extreme focus. The right side of my mouth will not smile or frown with the rest of my mouth. WHAT IS GOING ON?

Welcome to Bell's Palsy. The nerve that runs through your neck, ear, and controls half of your face...eye, eye brow, mouth, some of your taste buds and tongue gets all bothered and decides to give up working for awhile. At least that's my version of it. It happens...for unknown reasons. It stays...for a few days, weeks, months...just depends on the person. But it usually goes away in a couple weeks on its own.

So here I am trying to lead worship at Maryland Community Church with Frank as guests on Sunday. It's rainy. I'm tired. My stomach hurts. My face doesn't work. My kids are running around the sanctuary during practice and spilling cereal on their nice carpet and collecting all the little pencils from the endless rows of seats and taking off their shoes and trying to climb on the altar...

As a worship leader there are days that you don't FEEL like worshiping. And I certainly did not win the Happy Happy Joy Joy Award yesterday. I might have been a fabulous candidate for the Rainy Complainy Janey Award. BUT, God's glory shines through that much brighter on the days where we are forced to depend on Him.

It's easy to get comfortable and even a little prideful as a worship leader. It's easy to depend on your own abilities and talents and get a little secretly smug when asked to lead worship at a BIG church. It's easy to make it more about you than God. It's easy. It's one of those daily struggles.

Not so easy when you can't smile right like you usually do to invite people to sing with you. Or close your eyes right so you can just focus on God and block out the people. Or your tongue feels thick and heavy and it's hard to form the words to a song. But worship isn't based on my smiles or my eyes closed or my singing. It's about my heart's attitude and desire. And I couldn't help but worship as the song lyrics came....

"This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!"

"Everyday, it's You I live for. Everyday, I'll follow after You!"

"Could circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You?"

"You traded your life for mine."

"I exalt thee!"

Really. It was time to get over myself and praise God anyway. This is something very temporary that will go away. It's such a little thing. And even if it WAS a big thing, God still deserves my praise, even though that's hard to think about. So whatever your ugly and painful circumstance is today, keep praising God. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but this life is so temporary compared to eternity...

Psalm 144:3-4 (New International Version)

3 O LORD, what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him?

4 Man is like a breath;
his days are like a fleeting shadow.

And if you need a good laugh, call me up and get me saying tongue twisters or something. Or watch me try to drink my coffee with out drooling. Or make me mad and watch me try to glare at you with one eye. It's pretty funny. Every time I see myself in the mirror, what I see makes me laugh and then it just looks worse!

Super Update Spectacular!

2009-04-18T08:32:00.009-04:00

I don't got nuttin' today. But I'm up way too early for a Saturday. So...
WELCOME TO THE SUPER UPDATE SPECTACULAR OF MY BLOG!

Remember my awesomely bad hair escapades?
Update: I am no longer losing hair. In fact, it's all growing back. The new hair is just a couple inches long and sticks straight out from my head...especially in front, so I look like a cockatoo. The scalp...well, it remains pretty much the same. Tried new shampoos. One makes it a little less itchy. A commenter from Candy's Blog gave me a link to a blog where this lady found amazing relief for her scalp using Listerine. I tried that last night....yeah, didn't work so much. Just made me smell nice and antiseptic. Plus I got a little buzzed off the fumes. I think I saw a vision of myself in a nursing home in 50 years.

Remember my commitment to running?
Update: I continue to run and I'm still loosely using the couch to 5k program my cousin's wife gave me a link to. It's been harder to get away to run the last couple weeks, so that's a little frustrating. My ankle has been really tender this week, too, so I'm trying not to push too hard. I'm absolutely loving it, though. It really is like I'm back in cross country and about 16 again. My favorite place to run so far is out to the cemetery. There's no traffic, it's peaceful, and I am the fastest runner there. Also, my husband got a memo that the gym membership he gets through work is going to be free for spouses, too. So I'm trying to work up a little courage to go and sign up for a time to go and have the mandatory meeting with a trainer. THAT should make for a funny post. Beth vs. the Gym.

Remember the dogs that like to get in our trash?
Update: We finally invested a mega big trash can for the trash. It has wheels. If trash cans are the most exciting thing in your life....nifty, nifty, woo! Then the neighbors with the trash loving dogs moved away. Figures. These are the same neighbors who tended to get frequent visits from the police...so maybe the move wasn't voluntary? Lately the owners seem to be doing some repairs to the house. I might get new neighbors soon. Will they be good? Bad? I'm all a jitter with anticipation. Or the coffee this morning was too strong.

Remember the formula they have behind lock and key at the local Wal-Marts?
Update: This really, really frustrates me. This week I went to the grocery store alone. I know! Easy breezy cheesy, right? Wrong. I have 81 items in the cart. But you have to go to the express lane to get the formula. So here I am in the express lane getting evil looks from EVERYONE because I have this big full cart of groceries in the express lane. I'm not a rule breaker, people, I'm just trying to feed my baby. Don't hate me. There has GOT to be a better way. Is this what people who smoke have to endure every time they want to shop and buy cigs? Because I would just stop smoking based on that alone.

Well, that's about it for now. Wish I had something witty or poignant to leave you with...oh wait...here's something that's neither!

Being the Spleen

2009-04-14T11:06:00.005-04:00

This morning I woke up with a thought in my head. Warning...it takes awhile for my thoughts to get to a point, but it's been a good while since I rambled on about the church, right? In my experience, it seems there is a trend among churches to become less "denominational." I mean, most new churches don't seem to say outright what their denomination is or sometimes they are independent and not a part of a denomination at all...interdenominational...non-denominational...etc. I would say that Christians in my generation also seems to identify themselves less with a denomination, even if they attend a church with a certain denomination in its name. This is just pure observation. I don't know if there's a study out there that backs it up with fact or not.

So my thought was, what will churches look like in 50 years? Someday will we look around and So and So Baptist Church, So and So Methodist Church, So and So Assembly of God will be a thing of the past? Is this a conscience effort to try to find more common ground among the Church as a whole? Or is it just a "cool" trend? Is it a way to try to reach out to those who might find negative connotation in certain names? Is it MORE or LESS confusing to a person who has no idea what churches are to begin with? I don't know.

I do know our church chose the name HealingPointe Community Church because we wanted to communicate to others that 1. We are a church. 2. We exist in a community and want to be a part of it. 3. We are a place where healing can take place in someone's life (and everyone needs SOME kind of healing, whether you are a Christian already or not). We're affiliated with the Churches of God, which is a pretty small mid-west denomination that's into planting churches such as ours. If you go to our website, you can find out all kinds of important stuff like our core values 'n' stuff. I especially like the mission we've adopted: A family of believers learning how to follow Jesus.

But sometimes it's still hard to have a clear picture of what God has for a church to be...and what it is NOT to be. We've been struggling a little bit through that process. When we began as a church, it's so hard not to go crazy and try to do EVERYTHING and in the process kind of lose sight of the ONE thing. So with moving to a cleaner, brighter, more visible, more expensive space last summer...and then having several people leave in the fall...and no one new sticking around...and going into survival mode...and really just drawing close to God and each other during the past few months...we've emerged as a church that is much clearer on its function within the Body of Christ in Terre Haute, Indiana.

1. We are not the cool place to be, as much as visions of lasers and stadiums dance in our heads some days. We're kind of just regular people. Some of us are rather nerdy. (Ahem.) We're a small and comfortable place to be. If God wants to make us a big and comfortable place to be someday, great. If not, that's great, too.

2. We flat out love God and love Jesus.

3. We don't shy away from applying the hard stuff in the Bible to our lives. And even the basic principles in the Bible are hard stuff sometimes. You have to do that to grow. We may not grow big in number, but we'd better be growing spiritually!

4. We're still figuring out how to love people...and we've got a lot to offer them! I know I just said we're regular people, but regular people have some super amazing gifts, talents and skills around HealingPointe. We've got people who can cook and build and work with kids and sing and act and speak and host and write and compute and ride motorcycles and more. (Yes, riding a motorcycle counts as a skill to me.) One couple started a puppet ministry with our older kids recently. We've started to venture into drama little by little. And boy, can our guys build walls...

5. We are exponential in impact when we partner with churches who are already doing good stuff. While we're a pretty special little Body of Christ, the churches in our area are coming together to do some powerful things. Putting doctrinal differences and traditions aside to work together is NOT EASY. But when our pastor goes and meets with other pastors to plan community projects...when our people learn about prayer and worship at IHOP...when some of us go on our Emmaus Walks in a couple of weeks...when we go and play with the kids at the youth center...we put Jesus center stage instead of our agenda. He is the only one deserving of center stage.

So with all of that clarified, it has become clear to our church that it's time to start looking for a new place to meet. Yeah, we've moved a lot. First the mobile church at the Girl Scout building. Then the old building next to Rick's BBQ. Now the storefronts behind the mall. But we want to spend more $$ on people and ministry and less on rent to be faithful to the vision that is our church. There's a couple of possibilities so far, so pray that we just follow after God on this one and we will know the right place at the right time.

We were checking out a place a couple of weeks ago...and jokingly I referred to us as "The Spleen of Terre Haute" in the Body of Christ. You know, kind of small and a little weird and no one really knows what it does. So I looked it up. If I understand correctly, the spleen removes old blood cells from the body and produces and stores white blood cells, that help the body to fight infection. It's a part of the immune system. Here's some interesting stuff from E-how about the good ol' spleen:
"An individual can survive without their spleen. If the spleen is severely damaged, it can be removed surgically with a procedure called a splenectomy. The majority of the functions of the spleen are taken over by the liver after a splenectomy. Once the spleen is removed, however, an individual does have an increased susceptibility to infections due to the loss of immune function that the liver is unable to compensate for."

Okay, stretch with me a little bit and let me apply this spiritually to our church. It's not a perfect analogy, but it's a little ironic about the immune system vs. HealingPointe's name, right? If HealingPointe produces healthy disciples that work along other Christians in the body and help keep them from "infection," that's a pretty important job. It's not glamorous. You can't see it on the outside. The body can even live without it. But if HealingPointe were to be cut out of the body...no other church could do the specific job that God has set before us. The body would be prone to an infection that could damage it and even destroy it. And the reverse is true. If we think we can survive without the rest of the body, we are sadly mistaken.

"Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." (Romans 12:4-5)

So you think my pastor will let us change our name to HealingSpleen Community Church? Terre Haute First Spleen of God? Spleen-dor of Christ Church? Ok, I'll stop now.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T12:44:00.002-04:00

*Here's a short drama I wrote for church. I did some research to try to be as accurate of the facts as I could...but in some ways, this follower of Jesus could your or me today...Happy Easter!*

My life before Jesus was so dark. I was possessed by seven demons. Don't look at me like that. I know it sounds crazy, but it was true. My family was wealthy and I was an embarrassment. They threw me out of my own house. I found myself wandering from town to town. I begged to survive and slept in the streets. Most people were scared of me and told their children not to look at me for fear of becoming possessed as well. The truth is, I was afraid of myself. I didn't know why I did the insane things I did or why the voices in my head never stopped. I was so close to ending my own life . What was there to live for? One day I heard someone talking in the street about a man named Jesus. “He heals all who touch him!” they said. I went to see him out of curiosity. Surely he would be like all the other “magic healers” and “great teachers,” with their fancy shows and empty promises.

But then I saw him. He was so soft spoken, but in his eyes there was a peace and love that seemed to shout and drown the other voices in my head. I can't explain it, but I knew he could heal me. I pushed my way to the front of the crowd and the demons fought every step. I'm sure I caused quite a commotion that day. Jesus saw my struggle and asked the men with him to bring me to him.
“What is it you want, woman?” he asked.
“To be healed.” I said.
And it was done instantly. From that moment on, I owed Jesus my life. I followed him wherever he went and helped to provide food and shelter for his disciples. From his teachings, I learned that he was more than just a healer, he was the Messiah that we Jews had been waiting for. I led the other women who followed Jesus. Many of them were from the same streets I was. People hated us and the excitement we caused. They thought we were just starting trouble. Couldn't they see we were just trying to help them? Couldn't they see the peace and love in Jesus' eyes like I did?

But the Pharisees and other teachers of the law kept hating Jesus more. The night of the Passover meal, they arrested him. It was supposed to be a time of celebration, but it quickly turned to a time of fear for all of us followers. I couldn't believe that this man I followed, my Messiah, could be treated so badly. Why didn't he save himself and us? Most of his disciples fled, but no one questions the presence of a pitiful woman from the streets. I watched it all from the shadows. The trials. The beatings. When they took him away to be crucified, I followed him all the way up that hill...

My Lord died there. But it was only the beginning. Three days later I spoke to my Messiah. He was alive, and I started to understand for the first time how truly powerful his love is...for me.

Easter Shoes

2009-04-09T10:22:00.006-04:00

My Grandma and Grandpa Oglesbee cannot be contained or described in a simple blog post. They have been missionaries, pastors, giants of faith, a home for the homeless, worship leaders, and church planters before some of those terms even existed. But I most admire them for their deep and passionate relationships with God. I have always lived far away from them, and so have not gotten to know them as much as I want to, but they are the type of people you can sit with for an hour and have more truth spoken into your life than about anyone else I can think of. Now, they are far from "normal." I would say they are quite...quirky. Yes, I can feel the shock resonating throughout the blog world. My relatives? Quirky?

Anyway, forgive me Oglesbee clan if I tell the story wrong. But this is a special tradition that stemmed from an Easter when my mother was small...

Grandma and Grandpa were pastoring a church in Southern Indiana. They were always scraping together what they could to get by, while also raising their ever expanding little family. Easter was quickly approaching and all of the little boys and girls would be receiving treats. Grandma wanted something nice for her children and was sad that she couldn't buy treats...there just wasn't enough money for fancy Easter baskets filled with candy. She prayed to God that day, asking that he would provide a way to have treats for her children that Easter. An idea came. She remembered hearing of how the children in Holland received Christmas goodies not in stockings, but in wooden shoes. With a few pennies she bought some jelly beans and Easter grass and the night before Easter, she took her children's church shoes and filled them with the grass, candy, and pennies and set them out to be found the next morning...

I can just imagine her joy and thanksgiving to God as the kids woke up to such a fun surprise! God provided the creativity and idea to grant this little request of my Grandma to show love to her children.

My mom continued this tradition with us...from little baby shoes until I was in high heels, each year we set out our Sunday shoes and woke up Easter morning to find them full of goodies. I think we even made Frank set out his shoes the first year we were married. Try explaining that!

"Dear, I need your shoes."

"What for?"

"Well, instead of baskets, my family puts candy in shoes."

"Uh...isn't that kind of unsanitary?"

"Oh, it's all wrapped and in Easter grass. No one has died of botulism yet."

"Ok." (Thinking...I thought this family was weird before. What have I gotten myself into?!)

Easter seems to have become a little more complicated lately. We often don't make it to my parents house anymore because of our own church responsibilities around Easter time. But this tradition gains more and more weight in my heart these days. I am the mother wanting to give good things to my small children. I am the one trying to lead in a little Southern Indiana church, playing my piano, singing to Jesus. I am the one scraping up pennies. My grandma and I share a lot, if 50 years apart...

That thought alone really humbles me. God is so faithful. So good. He will provide when we don't know what the next week, month, or year holds. He looks for little ways to teach us to trust Him and whispers His love alongside the huge message of His Son's sacrifice and resurrection.

Today I go to the store. I will buy jelly beans and Easter grass for three precious sets of little shoes.

Grocery Getter and the Last Crusade

2009-03-31T10:19:00.007-04:00

Hello, blog, is that you? Where did the week go? It just flew by for some reason. Here's the conclusion to my grocery escapades. Better late than never.

Post Trip Pampers. While changing diapers is a usual (and necessary) step sometime after shopping, it's not what I'm going for here. After we shop, we like to do something fun. I consider it a little reward for making it through the whole experience.

Fine Dining. You gotta do something on that 20 minute ride home, and nothing works up an appetite like looking at shelves and shelves of food. May I suggest chicken nuggets with apple slices from Mickey D's? NO CARAMEL DIPPING SAUCE. There are enough sticky fingerprints in my van, thank you. Nuggets and apples usually gets four stars from the preschool crowd and most other foods are extremely disgusting to find six weeks later when you get around to cleaning out the van. You have to think long term here. Petrified nuggets and apples? Mildly gross. Moldy burgers or tacos? BLEH BLECKY BLEH GAG GAG HURL! I rest my case. Sometimes we get really wild and get cookies or fries with our apples and nuggets. That depends on if I am extra hungry or if I know the bank account has more than three dollars in it. And always, always, always get water to drink. It's like the toy aisle. Soft drinks, milk, and juice at fast food places are only a fantastic myth. These aren't the droids you're looking for. Etc. (Did I just make a Star Wars reference? Oh my, I did.)

Parks are da bomb. If the weather is nice, I LOVE to stop at a near by park for a few minutes and just let the munchkins go nuts. I love being outside. I love to play on the equipment myself. It's free and we all have a blast. I have an unspoken agreement with myself that I will visit as many parks and playgrounds as possible in the tri-county area before all my kids go off to school. Maybe I should write park reviews for mothers of small children and rate them on a scale of 1 to 4 see-saws. Hmmm...that idea has merit.

Handy tip: If you are planning on stopping at the park, remember to stay only as long as the frozen food will stay at least semi-frozen. Don't stay an hour if you bought ice cream. You will just have to go to the store again and that might put you in some kind of Ground Hog's Day state of affairs. (Endless cycles of shopping and playgrounds and warm gooey ice cream and weeping...if you add some gnashing of teeth it's pretty much like hell.) Of course, you can play as long as you want if you have a cooler in your car, but do I seem like the type of mom who would plan that far ahead? Of course not! So don't forget about the frozen stuff.

We're home! By this time, somebody has fallen asleep. If I did a good job of wearing them out at the park, all three somebodies have fallen asleep. Yeah, that means three separate trips to and from the van carrying children who seem to have miraculously gained 87 pounds during the morning, but the silence is priceless. Now all I have to do is free the dog from confinement, pray her yipping doesn't disturb the sleepyheads, and unload the groceries. You'd never guess it from the state of chaos my house is in, but I kind of like putting things in their places, so I usually don't mind this part. You just need to make extra sure you get everything out of the van. My Mom once had a can of frozen orange juice roll under a seat and it hid long enough to ferment before we found it. Now THAT was a funky smell.

Ok, I think I've now met my quota of disgusting food references for the month. And I hope you keep this extremely lengthy three part guide on hand in case you find yourself with three small children and no food in the house. Because you will totally have time to read all of it with three children competing for your attention...

***

Leaving the Silly Behind or, What Beth Learned So, are you tired yet? Most of you commenters out there said something to that effect after the last post... I don't always take all of the kids with me when I shop. Sometimes I go at night and Frank works his daddy magic at home. Sometimes we go as a whole family and get the luxury of two carts, taking up entire aisles, and making people swear at us. But I do go by myself more than I used to. The kids continue to get more autonomous and I continue to handle the whole thing better with practice. Every once in awhile I still get grumpy and yell at my kids and fail to see any humor whatsoever.

But what amazes me is that many of you (uh, "many" might be an exaggeration) left comments saying that you couldn't imagine yourselves doing what I do...that made me think! Because each person who said that does things or has triumphed over BIG situations that I think I would fail at. It really brought to my mind the verse that says, "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (I Corinth. 10:13) I might be stretching the meaning a bit...but we all have our unique challenges and situations that God has put before us. (I'm not saying God tempts people, that's clearly against scripture. See James 1:13-15.) But what I am saying...isn't it freeing to know that we just have to do the best we can with the life and circumstances we've been given and God always has our back? We don't have to base our worth on what Joe and Jane Super-Christian have accomplished. We can certainly be inspired by or learn from their triumphs, but at the end of the day, it's how we handle what we have. Us and God. Ok, so that may be equally freeing AND a little scary. But it's my really obtuse way of saying- whether I know you in person or online, you are my hero, too! You have done incredible things that I will never get the opportunity to do, and that makes me excited about what God has for your future and ministry to others, and it inspires me to keep being faithful with what I have, too.

As usual...thanks God, for letting me see spiritual principles in a place I never expected to find it.

Grocery Getter Part Deux

2009-03-27T10:40:00.010-04:00

(Not my actual kid in cart)

Yeah...I knew it took a lot to go grocery shopping with my kids (I prefer to think of it as my mini-entourage), but who knew it would take three posts to explain? Here's part 2:

Execution without Execution: You arrive at the store! The nearest parking space is roughly 5 miles (8.05 km) away from the store entrance, but you are still determined to have a successful shopping trip. This is a good time to remind yourself that this can be done without bodily harm to children, self, or store employees. You know how some people pray for traveling mercies? Well, this is the time to pray for shopping mercies.

Decide what shopping cart best fits your needs. This is the biggest roadblock I have. With two children who can walk, you can use the super-duper kid cart with the two little seats attached to the regular cart. You need the strength of Sampson to push it, but no grocery space is taken up and you can keep the kids securely attached to the cart. With one baby, they have carts with infant seats built in. This also has plenty of grocery space and a happy, secure place for a baby. But I have both. There is no cart for that. So currently I use the regular cart and sit the baby in the front part now that he's good at sitting (Hoorah!). Middle child sits in the part intended for groceries. YES, I know there's warning on the cart against that, but it's a lot better than having him run through the store touching everything, including other people in questionable areas. The oldest child walks with me. Now, it's still not a perfect solution. Oldest child tends to wander a little. Middle child gets to share the space with the groceries and usually by the end of the trip, I have to make him walk as well. He will either be buried alive or he will try to open something messy that's in the cart with him. Applesauce, laundry detergent...you get the idea.

Stick to the plan. Sure, it would be fun to wander through the home decor and look for curtains on sale or see if you can find a pair of shoes for under 5 dollars..but every wasted second increases the likelihood of a problem. And always, ALWAYS skip the toy aisle. Don't even let your children know there's one in the store. See someone you know in the store? Wave and smile, say "Hi!" even, but keep moving. A stopped cart and distracted attention is an open invitation for children to 1) Put as many things in the cart as they can or 2) Wander away, causing a Code Adam.

Don't let the baby chew on the grocery list. Only bad things can come of this.

Give the kids some buy-in. Let them make decisions about which bunch of bananas to buy or whether they want apple juice or orange juice. I give them tasks like picking things off the shelf for me or putting it in the basket. We talk about how much things cost. I give them the real reasons why we can't buy some things (too expensive, not healthy, no one will eat it), and if there's not a good reason to say no, I'll buy some treats that they want, too, especially if it's something new we haven't tried before. Unless it's Go-gurt. I can't bring myself to buy Go-gurt.

Don't panic in a crisis. Despite all the preparation, you will forget something they need or someone will have to use the bathroom when it is at the opposite end of the store. Stay cool. Count to ten, salsa to the store music a la Helen, or make a farting noise when someone walks by. The key is to do something that distracts the kids and removes the Glare of Death off your face. If the crisis escalates, no one will arrest you if you open a package of animal crackers and feed them to your kids before you get to the check out. At least no one has arrested me yet. If that fails, it's time to GET OUT NOW. It's better to have shopped and bought some things on the list than never to have shopped at all.

Check out stinks, and there's no way around it. Everyone is now tired. The line you pick will usually be the slowest or have the checker from Hades. There are glowing, glittery, sugary things that scream for your children's attention. The rotating bagger thingy is irresistible to little hands and has a huge pinching danger. The cart is never unloaded before the checker needs to put the bagged groceries in it. Your child will run five lanes down and proclaim to everyone that they have a snotty nose. The one redeeming thing about checkout time is that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Grocery shopping is almost done!

People are idiots in a parking lot. Act accordingly. Our rule to be safe in the parking lot is that you must hold on to the cart or Mom in some way the moment you leave the store. This is non-negotiable. I must look like I'm about to be taken down by the little people, but it is the only way I've found to keep track of my kids in the parking lot. Once we reach the car, the children are again loaded scientifically followed by the loading of the groceries into a van that's usually filled with music junk. Oops, I mean "equipment."

You've now completed grocery shopping, and only the animal crackers were harmed. But you're not out of the grocery shopping woods yet...stay tuned for the magical ride home...and more! And if you can't get enough grocery shopping (Who can??), be sure and visit my wacky friend Katdish. Who knew naked butlers frequent Kroger?

P.S. You can never get too many blogs about the grocery store. Salsa, anyone?

Grocery Getter Part 1

2009-03-26T10:11:00.009-04:00

Do you remember all those essays you had to write for school and scholarships? Inevitably, they always asked something like, "What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?" Or sometimes you would get the dreaded, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" I never knew how to answer those. I think I made up a lot of stuff and hope I sounded smart and successful...and I think it usually worked.

But after almost 30 years of life, I take great pride in revealing to you what I feel is my greatest accomplishment so far...(Okay, God's gotta take the top spot somehow, but I am proud of it, so humor me.)

SUCCESSFUL GROCERY SHOPPING ON MY OWN WITH THREE CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 5

I googled "grocery shopping with small children." This is the picture I got. WHAT!?
Ring! Ring!
Hello?
This is reality calling. Your picture is hilarious because it is far off from my reality. Do you hail from PreppyPerfectVille? And I think an eight year old knows what an orange is. Trust me, she is making fun of you in her mind.

Okay, I'm back. Sorry. The first few weeks after Annabelle's birth, I was overwhelmed by the thought of going anywhere with just her and me. There were so many new possible scenarios that spelled disaster. If nothing else, this one thing lets me see how far I've come as a mom in almost 5 years. I know some of you have put this phase behind you and have survived. Some may find some handy tips for the future. Some are right where I'm at. But I hope you come along and see what life around our house is like.

So...what does it take to go grocery shopping with my munchkins? We'll break it down into three easy steps: Preparation and Planning, Execution without Execution, and Post Trip Pampers.

Today we look at Preparation and Planning: The day starts like this...
"Crap! We're out of baby formula, diapers, milk, bread, juice, toilet paper, and cat food... All we have to eat is three slices of bologna and a pickle circa 2003. How did this happen? It must be all Frank's fault. I guess I'll have to go to the store."

1. Timing is critical. You have to make sure the kids are fed, clothed, changed, and have a little playtime before leaving. But if you wait too late in the day, it is 86% more likely you will have a child meltdown. Of course the baby is tired at opposite times than the older children...but fussy babies are more tolerated than three year olds who have the power to take down a store with their wails Jericho style.

2. Pack like your about to embark on a trip to Mt. Everest. Who knows what the future holds? You'd better have everything from sunscreen to tissues to an eight day supply of Cheerios in case a natural disaster strikes or the Tribulation begins.

3. Make the trip seem like a fantastic adventure. Announce the trip like it's Disney World. Do this exactly 1 minute and 34 seconds before you are ready to leave. Any sooner, and the questions will be unceasing. Any later, and they will not have time to grab Blanky or a rock or whatever is necessary for a happy car ride.

4. Use charts, graphs, and logic puzzles to determine how best to load children into the van. We have three different types of car seats for three different kids. Middle child, Joey- more mobility, least likely to obey, and least fearful. He is loaded first and sits in the middle. Oldest child, Annabelle- most mobility, but most likely to obey. She goes next and can do everything but buckle the seat belt (it's kind of tricky). Baby Jay- least mobile and goes last. He can't run from you. He sits directly behind the driver, the safest place in the vehicle. This way I can defend him from the rock, which Joey decides is a super fun toy to throw at a baby.

5. Never forget to take the dog out and put her in the laundry room before you leave. Unless you really enjoy cleaning pee spots out of the hallway carpet.

And you're off! Wasn't that easy? You've only made 42 trips from the house to the van so far. Make sure the van is stocked with kid-friendly music and a magna doodle or two since the nearest megastore with everything you need is at least 20 minutes away. Next time we will explore Execution without Execution: A successful shopping trip does not involve violence. Usually.

P.S. If anyone's interested, I found a really cool blog today. This gal feeds her family on $60 a week! And she has FOUR kids. I'm in awe. Plus she's funny and loves chocolate. Grocery Cart Challenge

Thank Goodness for Commenters, Plus a Bonus Random Funny!

2009-03-22T22:51:00.012-04:00

Wow, who knew people intentionally leave books for other people to have? If you didn't read the comments from my last post, that's what I learned last week. I don't think the book I found on the picnic table was a part of something like that. It had highlighted parts...almost like someone was studying it as a textbook. Something just didn't feel right about taking it.... But maybe it was all in my head. It all goes back to the time my family visited Mammoth Caves and when they turned out the lights to demonstrate "dark" to us, I stole a little cave rock and put it in my pocket EVEN THOUGH the tour guide had already told us that taking anything from the cave was a CRIME. It still haunts me. Lock me up. Throw away the key. I deserve it. I will never steal again!

Despite my life of childhood crime and subsequent guilty conscience that does not allow me to take abandoned books on picnic tables, SharkBait was kind enough to point me to www.bookcrossing.com. A totally cool concept I didn't even know about! I'll have to try it sometime.

Also, my cousin's wife, Lisa, gave me a nifty link to a running plan. I tried it out for the first time Friday, and I think it will prove very helpful. For those of you keeping score at home, that's three runs for Beth. Zero ducks. (So far. The ducks at the lake could be plotting my eventual downfall even now.)

***

It's Random Time! Some things are too funny not to share.

I have watched a whole lotta basketball this weekend. I think it's required for native Hoosiers, so it's a good thing I really like college b-ball. But...what is up with the mascot names? I've been watching the women's tournament tonight, and who could take a team seriously if they are called...The Jackrabbits? Or worse, Frank is taking online seminary classes from Liberty University. Their women's team played tonight...The Lady Flames. I mean, I'm all for the Holy Spirit helping out the team, but I don't think everyone is going to get that reference...

But my favorite by far tonight:
The Tennessee Lady Volunteers vs. The Ball State Lady Cardinals (Ball State came away with an amazing upset, by the way!)

Not so crazy until the announcers kept saying "Lady Vols," and I thought they were talking about Ball State and saying "Lady Balls." Yeah. Make your own joke here.

This is probably why my basketball career ended in the 7th grade. While the other girls were out for victory and blood, I was making astute observations such as this from the bench.

And so ends my weekend. Curtain.

Spring? Is That You?

2009-03-18T13:44:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day. It was a for real warm Spring-like day. I say Spring-like because I know it's too early to STAY warm. It's supposed to storm and get colder later today, in fact. But it was SO nice while it lasted.

I packed up lunch and the kids, and we headed to the park at Merom Bluff. Yeah, it's a few miles away, but sometimes you need a change from the ol' city park. It's got a kickin' playground for one....well, if you're 3 or 4 or 29 it does. And the bluff overlooks the Wabash River. It's a beautiful view. For being smack dab in the land of flat, the bluff is pretty dramatic. You can see miles of farms and little towns on the other side of the river. So we ate and played for awhile. Baby Jay started to get cranky and needed a bottle. I wheeled his stroller to the little shelter house and sitting on the table was a book on...worship.

Doo doo doo doo. Cue Twilight Zone music. Is this for me, God? Pretty hefty and specific reading to be randomly lying on a picnic table in a deserted park in Merom, Indiana. Population: 294 people.

So while the older kids played and Baby Jay downed the bottle, I had a nice little quiet time reading the first few pages of the book and enjoying the breeze and sunshine. Ahhhhhh. Refreshing.

Don't ask me what I would have done if someone came up to claim their book. Probably stammer something like.."Uh...worship is cool!" and look incredibly guilty and hand it back to them. But no one did. I can't say I wasn't a little tempted to keep it. But I figured stealing a book on worship would be wrong somehow. Yeah.

The kids must have played pretty hard, because they all konked out on the ride home. As we were flying down the highway through all the farm land, I was reminded of the fields near my home growing up. I loved walking down the little dirt road between the fields and pretending I was a pioneer. Who knows who the land belonged to...but they sure provided hours of fun for me as a child!

The kids were sleeping so well, that I drove right past the house and decided I'd drive my running route around the lake to see how far it really is. Good naps are priceless around here- gotta keep the peace and quiet when I can!! Boy was I off on the mileage. It's almost exactly 9 miles. A pretty hefty run...yeesh. But last night I watched the contestants on The Biggest Loser run a half-marathon (13.1 miles, baby), so I suppose there are no excuses. So the revised goal is: Run the 9 mile lake route at least once by Sept. 15. There. It's in print for the whole world wide web to see. No backing out now.

See Beth Run

2009-03-17T09:07:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, I went for a run. It's been awhile...

I used to run quite regularly. In high school I ran cross country and track. Those were the only sports in which I wouldn't completely embarrass myself. All I had to do is run from point A to point B as fast as I could. Which wasn't very fast, mind you, but I loved being on the teams and competing anyway, even if it was mostly against the clock and not other people.

A classic Beth running story is when I was running the 3200 at a high school in our conference. That's 8 laps around the track, folks. Nobody liked running that race, but I don't think my coach knew where else to put me. As usual, I was the last runner in the race, but I was chugging along, doing my thing. I looked up ahead and....ducks. There were ducks on the track. Yes, ducks. Did anyone see fit to help me by shooing the ducks off the track? Nope. I was on my own. I tried yelling and waving my arms a little, thinking they would move. Nope. They stayed right where they were. I had to run AROUND them. Did I mention this was a race? Did I mention I was last already? Thanks ducks, for heaping on the embarrassment. Those people were definitely laughing AT me and not with me. So as you can see, any awards I won for running were usually because the awards outnumbered the runners in the race...

But I truly do like to run. There's something very freeing about just pounding the pavement, breathing in and out, and talking to God along the way. Lately, I've been exercising a little at home. I turn on some music and do some crunches and push-ups and do some generally ridiculous dancing to get my heart going a little. But it's time for something more. When I start reading about my cousin winning running trophies on Facebook(Trophies? Is he really related to me?) and my friend happened to mention she ran 9 MILES last Saturday morning...surely I can do more! Besides, Frank has been going to the gym before work, and I refuse to let him be more in shape than me. If there was a husband vs. wife athletic competition, we would be the laughing stock of the group, but we would probably die trying. We are just competitive like that. A fierce game of horse, croquet, wiffle ball-you name it. You're going down.

Yesterday the weather was perfect for running, so after dinner off I went! It seems there's some areas that jiggle a lot more than they used to...ahem...but other than that, it was a fairly successful run. Not an incredibly long run, but hey, a run none the less. I hope I didn't blind anyone with my white chicken legs. YIKES! I hadn't realized how bad it was until the shorts were on. But as I was running, I came up with a goal. I know myself well enough to know if I don't set any goals, I will run once or twice and not run again until next year sometime. So the goal is by next fall, I will be able to run from my house, around Sullivan Lake, and back home again. I don't know the actual mileage of that, but I'm guessing it's in the 5 to 6 mile range. I'm going to go measure it later this week.

Last night as we were going to bed, Frank and I had a thought. Maybe we could enter a 5K together. Now, I know that we would never be able to run TOGETHER in a race. Our styles are completely different. I'm a slow and steady tortoise. Frank's style is run fast and then take a break a la the hare. Using that analogy...I might win the race! An appealing thought. :) But we both agreed that we would NOT ever win any awards for our age category. Unless we keep running until we're 80. Then we might have a chance if the rest of the competition dies off....

So to keep me motivated and accountable, please ask me during the next few weeks how the running is going. If I know people are going to ask, I might be more likely to stick with it!

My, That's a Mighty Moody Monster Haiku You Have There

2009-03-13T10:35:00.006-04:00

Baby wakes me up
Plod down the stairs in the dark
Cat comes and says....food?

Chunky Monkey Boy
Holds his own bottle, mostly
It's dark and quiet

Change clothes and diaper
Happy baby plays with toys
I grab my Bible

Groggily I read
I have a bad attitude
Pray for change in heart

Does it come right now?
It changes slowly with the sun
Not great, but better

I've been in the house
For five days without a break
Sick, sick, kind of well

Surely that attacks
Any sense of perspective
I usually have

Claustrophobia
Can that be caused by children?
Even if I love them?

If I run away
To a sunny beachy place
I promise to write

Alas, in my head
Vacation will stay for now
My brain's in Fiji

My body it seems
Is a little bit stinky
(No deoderant)

But I will fix it
One luxury I do have
Is my whirlpool tub

This, too, shall pass, right?
Happy Friday the Thirteenth
Blessed, not unlucky

A Short Beth Post

2009-03-11T11:24:00.003-04:00

I'm still kind of sick.

Joey is sick but still hyper.

Annabelle is a little tiny bit sick.

Thhhhhhhbbbbbbbbt.

That is all I have to say about that.

I might invest in flu shots next year.

Math Problem

2009-03-09T21:15:00.002-04:00

1 sick Beth + 1 sick Frank + 3 children under 5 who are NOT sick = 1 long day and a very messy house.

Fortunately I'm at least feeling well enough to sit at the computer for a little bit. Earlier today I didn't even want to move or open my eyes. I'm a wuss. Frank got what I'm referring to as the "plague of death" on Saturday and made it through leading worship at two churches AND finished a term paper for his seminary class. Now me on the other hand....the plague was unleashed upon me last night and I have alternated from laying on the couch and laying in bed. My big feat of the day was taking out the trash before collapsing in a weepy, snuggie bedecked heap on the couch. Does anyone else tend to cry about everything when they're sick like I do? But like I said, I'm much better for the moment. So in honor of NOT feeling like lukewarm death, here's my list of things that kept me going today:

1. The song, I Love You, Lord sung in my head replacing words like "song" and "voice" with words like "thoughts." I dunno why. It's just one of those weird things I've done for a long time.
2. Baby Jay smiling at me no matter how horrible I look. He loves his mommy!
3. Equate brand acetaminophen taken every 4 hours.
4. Wet washclothes.
5. Orange juice.
6. Annabelle being extremely helpful today beyond her 4 1/2 little years.
7. Our "new" hand-me-down couch. It's got recliners built in! Score!
8. Frank loading the dishwasher so I wouldn't be overwhelmed tomorrow.
9. Of course, my snuggie.

Little is Much

2009-03-06T22:29:00.005-05:00

2 Corinthians 8

And now, brothers, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will. So we urged Titus, since he had earlier made a beginning, to bring also to completion this act of grace on your part. But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us—see that you also excel in this grace of giving.
I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.

And here is my advice about what is best for you in this matter: Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have.

Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little."

***

I know this is a big chunk o' Bible verses, but it really challenged me this week. Do I excel in the grace of giving? Do I demonstrate my sincere love when I give? Do I give with Jesus in mind, who became impoverished just for me?

What an encouraging and beautiful picture this is, too. I don't have to be the biggest giver. I can only give out of what I have. But I must first give myself to God, and then to others to see where my "too much" can best be used.

There's an old song that goes like this:

Little is much, when God is in it
Labor not for wealth or fame
There's a crown and you can win it
When you go in Jesus name

Powdered Gold

2009-03-04T16:53:00.008-05:00

No, I'm not talking about those dumb Cash4Gold commercials that I have memorized because they get played more than your momma's Gaither records...

I'm talking about baby formula.

Really, why is it so expensive? It is milk. Powdered. Although if you read the label, the ingredients look like a chemistry lab blew up. The cheapest can I can find for a small can is about $10, and it's regulated so you know it's pretty much the same stuff whether you get the cheap stuff or the expensive stuff. I'm sure the answer lies somewhere in how our capitalistic economy works, but it somehow seems wrong to profit so much off of a necessity, even though it happens with a lot of products I guess. Maybe I'm naive.

And why is it getting harder to buy? At least in our area, Wal-mart has pulled formula from the shelves and it is now a behind the counter item. When I asked...I suspected I knew why...but it still kind of jarred me. Because it was getting stolen. A lot.

My first thought was...well...what about WIC? And after doing a little research, I found MY family might qualify for WIC. I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing. It seems fairly easy to qualify. Why would someone steal formula instead?

The only things I can come up with are that:
A. There must be information that they ask for that people don't want to give. The risk of stealing is worth not disclosing this information.
B. You can be sanctioned(stop receiving services, usually because of trouble with the law) or something similar like with the TANF program (food stamps).
C. It's easier to steal the formula than follow the system like you're supposed to.
D. There are some people out there who are very numb to sin.
E. WIC is maxed out and turning people away.
F. A combination of all of the above.

Whatever the reason, it is one of the only things in this floundering economy that has effected me personally so far. I was out of formula today and I stopped at the discount store. They don't even carry formula. Wal-mart means asking for it specifically. The locally owned grocery store (most expensive in town) still has it on the shelf.

I am thankful that I can feed my baby when he's hungry, WIC or no WIC. Would I steal food for my children if I couldn't find another way to feed them? I really don't know. How many babies in my own town will be hungry tonight? That makes me overwhelmingly sad. I hate bringing up stuff like this when there's no solution in sight. But if nothing else, it makes me see just how broken our world is. The people are broken. The system is broken. The churches are broken. Our country is in need of Jesus. And one of the ways to show Jesus to someone might be in the form of providing a simple can of formula.

Deut. 15:10-11
"Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land."

Update: Ok, looks like I was a little off on my reasoning. Probably why I'm not a criminal... I thought stealing formula meant you wanted or needed formula. Silly me. I guess you might just want money! I guess that goes under reason D. Check this article out. Hopefully this means less hungry babies (Whew, I was about to start buying extra cans to give away, and I still plan to find out if this IS a problem), but it sure doesn't look like the world is any less broken...

Where in the World Is Beth San Diego?

2009-02-28T23:30:00.004-05:00

I always loved Carmen San Diego. She hid out in exotic places around the world and us gumshoes had to go sleuthing until we could find her....and we found a world of exciting geography at the same time! (Yeah, groan all you want, but really is the reason I know were countries like French Guiana are.) I love PBS television and I love Rockapella and there's nothing you can do to change my mind! Nothing, I say!

To bring yet another outdated reference into this post, I have decided that this post will be like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Sometimes you don't have time to read my personal ramblings and something short will have to do. Choice one is for you, my friends. Sometimes you are procrastinating writing a thank you letter to dear Great Aunt Helga who sent lovely knitted capes to your children in various pastel hues...and you will hang on every word just so that you can stay on the computer a little...bit...longer. Heck, you'll probably read BOTH endings.

***

Turn to Page...uh....well that doesn't really work on the computer. Crap. The short ending: Watch the video and relive the AWESOME that is Rockapella. Be careful...the blond guy might make your dog howl during those high notes! If you missed out on the whole Carmen Sandiego/Rockapella experience, now you too can have a taste of the early nineties. Back then it was all about the acapella bands, baby. Acapella Vocal Band or Take Six, anyone???

***

The long ending:

So where in the world have I been this week? I only wrote one post and I actually wrote that at the end of LAST week!
Well, I stayed within the borders of Indiana...but here's some of the highlights.

Monday: The usual. Hang around the house with the kids. Do some blogging and watch the kids play Wii. Try to be moderately productive and do a load of laundry and the dishes. Play some Chutes and Ladders. Make sure the kids and I are dressed by the time Frank comes home from work and dinner is started. We did our taxes after dinner. Woot. At least we get a refund. Although we need to double check the rental house end of things. That's new to us, and you would think two people with college educations could figure out such things, especially since we have "people" with H & R Block and all...but it seems as though their "people" don't appear as a holograph in your living room and explain tax jargon at a 5 year old level, which is really what we need....

Tuesday: Day of Birthday Fun! Since we had a lot going on Wednesday, Frank took Tuesday off work. We had a pretty relaxing morning and went to IHOP for lunch. On national pancake day no less! And we ran into a guy who goes to the local International House of Prayer (the other IHOP!). I think God had a good laugh about that. I certainly did. The irony was sweet. And so were the pancakes. After that we road tripped to Columbus, IN and dropped off the kids at Frank's parents. They entertained the kiddos for the night which was pretty last minute...I appreciate them so much! Frank and I went to Indianapolis. The plan was to visit the big electronics store there and check out the new IMAX theater. We ended up going to the store first. It was pretty cool, even for an electronically challenged person such as myself. We went to the theater and found that even though they show IMAX movies, they don't do it very often and next one wasn't worth the money or the wait. So we browsed the new shopping center near the theater and ended up having a nice dinner. I know! That's MY idea of a night out, not Frank's! I was feeling kind of wild and had some kind of Vietnamese salad with shrimp and mango and cucumber and what looked like little clovers...but it was good. We even got free dessert because they had a promo that when the stock market is up, every table gets free dessert. So of course Frank breaks out the computer/phone/furby and looks up the info...stocks are up! Dessert for us! We got back home pretty darn late for a weekday and drove quite a bit, but we had a lot of fun. If nothing else, it was nice to have conversations not interrupted by "Mommy. Mommy. Moooooommy. MOMMY! I want juice."

Wednesday: Got up early for pre-school. Drug sleepy children out of bed. Everything went pretty smoothly despite the lack of sleep for us all. I did a little easier lesson than usual about numbers just to make sure I made it through the morning. We did a little worksheet on our favorite number and then I helped them write it out in Spanish and say it. Most of the kids picked their age...3, 4, 5. Then I got to the last class and they picked numbers like 4,800 and 10,000 and 1000780278. I just wrote "muchos" on the paper of that last kid....
After preschool we have lunch at "Miss Amy's" as the kids call her. I hate calling her "my pastor's wife" because she's so much more than that. She's my friend, my pastor, my spiritual mentor and more! But she is also married to my pastor. As always, our kids were a little wild and my kids throw a fit every time they have to leave, but we had a good time, good talks, and her food is always delish. We came home and vegged for a bit in front of cartoons. Then it was off to church in the evening. When we got home, we put the kids in bed and laid down for a few minutes, and fell fast asleep at 9:30. Oh well. So much for an exciting birthday for Frank! Welcome to your thirties.

Thursday: Baby Jay had his 6 month check up at the doctor. Even though he's 7 months old. Yeah, I'm slow like that. He checked out fine. He's made it back on to the big side of the "normal" range for height and weight now. For awhile he was off the charts big! He got three shots, which he wasn't too happy about, but he got over it quickly and took a nice nap. It's funny. I cried and cried when Annabelle got her shots as a baby, and now I almost have to keep myself from laughing because Jay just gets SOOOO mad and it's cute. Anna and Joey got stickers from the nurse, so they were happy. I'm surprised she was that nice...Annabelle got a little TOO curious at one point when the nurse and I were distracted and almost took one of the syringes off the table. We celebrated a good doctor visit by going to Little Caeser's at Kmart for the$5 large pizza special and indoor playplace. Spring come quickly! Almost 5 year olds and 3 year olds need some outside time! And so does their mom! After play and pizza we picked up a couple things at Kmart before Jay started to wake up from his nap and realize that his poor legs were sore from the shots. It was spaghetti for dinner and playing Frank's new Wii game before bedtime.

Friday: Time to clean! The house was a mess from the hallway project plus being in and out all week, so I cleaned as much as I could. Plus I am going to start being the back-up babysitter for one of my friends when her regular sitter cannot watch her little boy. She was coming over for a few minutes after work to talk details, so I wanted to make sure she felt like her son would be with a competent and put together person who could keep the house clean. Yeah, she probably could see right through that...but it WAS nice to have a clean house for about 3 minutes. For dinner I made pork chops and fried potatoes. It was a kind of vindication because my last couple attempts at them have been pretty horrible. It seemed like I did the same exact thing as the other times, so why do they turn out so different? Annabelle and I also had a very nice conversation about the fruits of the spirit. Yeah, I know. She's FOUR. But she memorized them for kid's church, but I hate to have her do that without knowing at all what it means. So I found my self giving examples of "self-control" and "faithfulness" at a four year old level. Not easy, but I think she got most of it.

Saturday: Both Annabelle and Joey climbed in bed with us and at about 4 am I got sick of the clingy-ness and went and slept in Annabelle's bed. I then proceded to have a dream about a girl I knew in college being in prison. I guess I was going to visit her and there was this scary school marm of a lady who kept yelling that I wasn't supposed to be there and got mad and started beating this girl up and for some reason my parents were there and I was afraid they were going to get yelled at, too...
Ahhh well. It's better than the dream where Frank turned into a zombie.

Anyway, I was glad to get up and get the kids some breakfast. After that I braved Wal-Mart on a Saturday because we were completely out of food. I saw one of the kids from the youth center, so it was good to see how she was doing. After getting home and putting everything away, we had a little time to rest before getting everything ready for church. I took a little nap and watched Notre Dame lose a basketball game (darn U Conn). Then we started the Great Church Prep. No matter what time we start to get ready for church we seem to always be late. Not late to church...we, as the music peeps, tend to get there way early to warm up and do a little practicing before the service, but it always seems to be later than we want it to be and we get rushed. Which always makes me grumpy. It's so nice to try to lead worship after yelling at your children...especially after you explained self-control to them the day before. But today I was determined to not let the little stuff make me angry and I would just give it to God. Breath. Pray. Ask God for help. It worked pretty well. We even did a little devotion in the car on the way there to get us ready for worship. Hoorah!

We had a little bit more responsibility than usual since our pastors were gone for the night, but it went really well and it's nice to see the unity of the group even when the pastors are not there. God was definitely in it...things just flowed today. Props to Frank, Larry, and Holli for doing the extra stuff to make the service a go...I didn't do a whole lot of extra stuff except for find the communion stuff and buy grape juice and bread. Strange that I've pretty much been a Christian my whole life, but this was the first time that I had any part of arranging for communion.

So there you have it. A slightly busier than usual week in the life of me. Are you wishing you would have chosen the short ending now? Yeah, I always felt that way about Choose Your Own Adventure, too. Now Encyclopedia Brown, that's a whole different story....

You Da Man

2009-02-20T09:34:00.011-05:00

One day, I got an email from my beloved. The subject- Why did you marry me? The content- this picture.

He's really a very attractive man (Code phrase for HOTT, as the kids say). He's very smart. He's very talented. He just has this uncanny ability to make himself look...well....like he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

And somewhere along the way he turned from this fun loving, free wheeling, "guy in a band" in college....

To this guy...who has been married for more than 7 years, has three kids, is juggling church leadership, grad school, a career...not to mention a blogging wife who has a need to share personal things with the whole wide cyber world.

But obviously he has never stopped making me laugh, especially during the times when I need it the most. His thirtieth birthday is on Wednesday. Unlike some people, he's looking forward to it. He says people finally start to respect you at 30. I don't think posting these pictures is going to help anyone else respect him more (tee hee), but I respect and love him more than I could ever express. God knew what He was doing when he put us together.

These are for you, Frankie! Happy Birthday!

More Helpful Than Most Internet Surveys

2009-02-19T09:35:00.004-05:00

The other night I was kind of aimlessly wandering around in cyberspace...and I found a link on a church website to a spiritual gifts test online. Well, I haven't taken one that I can remember, so I did the best I could to answer the questions among the normal chaos of my house.

I know tests like these aren't the absolute authority of what you can and cannot do for the kingdom of God, and some of the answers may change on any given day, but I did find it to be quite helpful. If nothing else, it really confirmed that I am working in the areas that I am gifted in, and that is encouraging. It also let me think about my life in a little different light.

If you are interested in taking the test, you can find it here.
I don't know much about how it was put together, but it does have a nice little introduction and it's fairly easy and simple to take. It also defines the gifts and includes scripture references with each definition. As to what is considered a "spiritual gift" and what is not? I may have to research that more. Some of these seem like traits that ALL Christians should have, don't they? I welcome your ideas...

So what did I score highest in?
Well, I took it twice and the top gift both times was music, so that's kind of nice to see since that's my main role at my church.
I love to worship with music and help others do the same!

What was next?
Missionary and Poverty were in the top four both times. No secret that I've always had a big heart for those close and around the world who don't know God, so the missionary thing makes a lot of sense to me. I never even knew poverty was a specific gift, which was the biggest surprise and eye opener for me. Here's their definition for it:
"Poverty (voluntary) - The special ability God gives to some to purposely live an impoverished lifestyle to serve and aid others with their material resources."
Now I am definitely NOT in poverty as most of the world and even the U.S. would define it. We are well fed, our needs are met and we even have some luxuries (Internet, duh!). And some of our lack of cash flow isn't necessarily by choice(uh, maybe a lack of making the best choices!)...but some of it IS... If I learned anything from this, it is to view poverty as a gift from God instead of thinking of it as something that must be overcome. And that I like to give of my material resources.

Honorable mentions?
Teaching, Writing, and Giving are all in there...so are Pastoring (the dreaded P word!) and Mercy...

What came in dead last?
Celibacy. Ha! Kind of felt like those questions didn't apply since I'm very happily married and really couldn't imagine life otherwise. Tongues and Interpretation of Tongues were down at the bottom, too. At least the tongues thing doesn't freak me out like it used to. I totally see Biblical support for it and see that others DO have these gifts, but I personally have not experienced either.

So, has anyone else taken a test like this? Did it teach you something? What did you learn? Should we lobby for Humor and Sarcasm to be added to the list of gifts?

If I Made a Video About Today...

2009-02-17T19:45:00.002-05:00

I would want it to be like this!

God, I am RUNNING after your heart today with my crazy little family and my dog...

P.S. Sorry, still no Snuggie video yet.

Sick Leave

2009-02-16T10:53:00.002-05:00

I'm taking a sick day today. Can you do that from a blog? Good thing Frank doesn't have to work today. Nothing serious, just a bad cold and general yuckiness. Maybe it came from this incident at preschool last week. Keep in mind I probably said more than half of this in Spanish, but I don't have the patience to figure out how to do accent marks and upside-down exclamation points on a Mac today, and I'm not writing in Spanish incorrectly because that bugs me.

Beth: Stand up, please! Let's sing "Pulgarcito!" Everyone ready? One, two, three....
AHHHHH! (I see third kid down in the circle has more snot hanging out of his nose than I ever thought possible.)
Beth: Um, I think you need a tissue.
Kid: I don't know where they aaaaarrrrrrre! (super whiny.)
Beth: (Thinking...WHY didn't his mom keep him home today?) I'll get it. Here. (Wipes nose of kid. Gets a little bit on her finger because the volume of snot is more than the generic one-ply tissue can handle. Stomach turns a little and thinks...I hope I don't catch whatever it is he has.)
Beth: Okay, let's sing! (Makes a mental note to find anti-bacterial gel as soon as class is over, but alas, the damage has been done.)

At least it's better than the stomach flu I got last year. I won't describe that for you. You're welcome.

Get Pumped

2009-02-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

The Snuggie Video is in progress! At long last! Not quite ready for this post...but the next??

While you wait, here is something to broaden your cultural horizons. Please note that Frank and I have loved this video before the advent of its popularity on YouTube. His music professor showed it to his class in college. Of course we immediately made a copy of the VHS tape and shared it with the impressionable youth of our church... Sometimes I wonder why parents let their kids hang out with us.

Without further ado, I present for your viewing pleasure:
Tunak Tunak Tun

My Love, My Hope, My Mission

2009-02-07T09:04:00.008-05:00

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:5)

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:5)

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. (I Peter 3:15)

He (Jesus) told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." (Luke 10:2)

Today I feel like the above verses are so powerful I barely have to write any of my own words. Don't they stand on their own so beautifully? Yes, this world is dark. Yes, it is hard to look poverty, especially children in poverty, in the face and see it for the heartbreaking tragedy that it is.

BUT...

God is God. He is perfectly good and his leadership is perfect. I am so glad I went to the prayer service last night at Wabash Valley International House of Prayer. This was the topic, and it totally put to words what was in my heart. The moment we forget that God is in control and try to "save the world" by our own power, we spin our wheels and go absolutely nowhere. God HAS to be the first love in our lives. He will have it no other way. If I am angry at God for the suffering I see in the world and think that I know better how to help people than He does...I am wrong. I am sinning. And I need to get myself out of the way and put God first before I reach out to others. God is love and sometimes his love comes in the form of justice and jealousy and incompatibility of sin that I don't understand. I struggle with that sometimes(read MANY times)...and sometimes I am just so humbled and grateful that He bears that responsibility and I do not. God is God. He loves each child more than I could ever imagine.

The Bible is filled with HOPE! Go...put "hope" in the search box at Bible Gateway and see how many verses pop up. Tons! Especially when it comes to New Testament writings. You can't read all those verses and then go away convinced that poverty and evil and death are going to be victorious in the end. At least I can't. It seems like we (notice the WE, I do this a lot) go around many times with our heads down and our shoulders shrugged like..."Oh well...this world stinks and the problems are too big for me, I guess God has it under control...ho hum..." We are in Christ. We have hope. I pray that my life reflects that in an ever increasing way!

I gave some pretty hefty stats in my last post. Here's another one...there are over 270 churches in Terre Haute. Dream with me. What if every single person in every single church put the love of God first? What if every single Christian in my area was filled with hope? What if they naturally served out of that? And I realize that we all have specific abilities and gifts from God. Not every Christian will have a primary calling to serve children in poverty. But some will. Okay, time to put on your math brain, kids! If one person from each church came one day a month to volunteer at the youth center, what would that look like? There are approximately 21 week days in a month. 270...divided by 21...that's 12.85714286. So each day the youth center is open, at least 12 Christ following, kid loving, adults would come through the doors to work with the kids. What kind of a difference would that make? It would be huge and life changing. From experience, I can tell you that spending just a little time with a child can make a big difference. Sure, donations can provide much needed staff and resources. But having Jesus lived out in front in front of these kids...that is a priceless gift.

So I ask you and I ask myself...
1. Do I love God first? Do I trust his perfect leadership?
2. Do I have hope? Or am I living like satan wins?
3. Am I being obedient to God's mission for me? The kids of Ryves Youth Center are my harvest. My three children are my harvest. Your harvest may look very much the same. Your harvest may look very different. It's easy to get bogged down with the weight of the world, feel helpless, and completely miss the mission God has placed right in front of your face. I think God is very ready to answer those who ask Him to show them what their harvest looks like. My harvest may not be easy or what I want at all...but it's mine and I pray God breaks my heart to desire it and gives me the wisdom and strength to fully pursue it. I also pray that He sends more workers so that His glory is apparent to all.

Okay, so I added lots of my own words. What did you expect?? But somehow I think they may not be ALL mine... :) And you know what? I went to the youth center on Wednesday to hang with the kids. About 10 adults (plus some kids) from my church were there with me. God is good. Amen!

The Boys

2009-02-06T12:36:00.007-05:00

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth. (Psalm 127:3-4)

I am a girl. I am not a boy. Even though I've been married for more than 7 years and have two sons of my own, I don't think I will ever fully GET boys. And even when David starts speaking about sons here in the Psalms, he breaks out the manly man terminology. Arrows and warriors?? What? Sounds like we need a Tim the Tool Man Taylor laugh with that. HAR har har.

When I came to work at the youth center from the world of GIRL Scouts, there was a lot to learn. Since I was the only full time female person on staff, I tended to gravitate a little towards the girls because I could fill that girl-to-girl need in their lives. BUT there are some pretty awesome "guys" and "dudes" I got to know, too. Here are some of the boys' stories:

***

Chris is the only boy with lots of sisters. His family lives in Terre Haute most of the time, but sometimes they take extended trips to stay where his dad is from. Many times extended family or friends are living in his house. Without going into too much detail, we'll just say it's not really a safe place to be. Chris likes to spend the night at friends' houses to get away from home. One time the place they were renting burned down and they had to start completely over. Chris is 13.

Chris is an all around likable guy. Everyone is his friend. Chris is a good boxer and basketball player.

***

Ted has lived in Terre Haute all of his life, although he's lived in many places and attended many schools because his family has to move sometimes when they get behind on rent. Ted is one of four siblings. His parents have been married for a long time, but sometimes they fight a lot and it gets violent. Ted often wears his dad's over sized clothing because there's nothing at home that fits. Ted is 11.

Ted is an excellent student and loves to read scary books. Ted loves video games. Ted likes to draw designs that would make good tattoos or decals on cars.

***

Eric has lived in Terre Haute all of his life. Eric is really an adult now, and I am using his real name, unlike the others. That is because Eric is amazing! He is an only child. He has Down's Syndrome. His parents do not have a lot and face many health problems, but they have volunteered at the youth center for a long time. Eric became a part of the youth center Boy Scout troop and he is the ONLY Boy Scout in the youth center history that has achieved the rank of Eagle Scout. Eric is out of high school now and has a job, but continues to volunteer with the Boy Scout troop and at the youth center. Eric is 19.

Eric is helpful and does whatever is asked of him without complaint. Eric is very concerned about learning all he can, even though reading and writing are very difficult for him.

***

Cole has lived in Terre Haute all of his life. Cole is the baby of the family and yet in some ways an only child. I think he's the only child of his mom and dad, but he lives with extended family including many older cousins. Cole is not into school or reading too much, but he would always want a turn in the library just so he could have some time with an adult by himself. Cole is 6.

Cole is happy go lucky, but can hold his own against his rough-housing cousins. Cole loves all things "boy," such as dirt bikes and Nascar and professional wrestling!

***

Tyson is a sibling to one of the girls I wrote about. Tyson has many siblings in his family who are packed in a small house. Tyson gets in a lot of trouble. Usually it has to do with not controlling his mouth or getting into fights. Tyson gets kicked out of school a lot and he's been banned from the youth center several times as well. Tyson does not respect the authority of adults. Tyson picks on smaller children. Tyson, Tyson, Tyson....Tyson is 13.

Tyson was a good boxer on his well behaved days. Tyson is funny. I saw Tyson in a parade with his school band once, and was very proud to see him involved in something positive.

***

These are just a few of the boys! The youth center has over 1,500 different children come through the doors in one year, and the vast majority of them live in Terre Haute. And there are many more children in need who don't come to the youth center. Just ask the teachers and staff at local schools! In some of the schools in Terre Haute, close to 90% of the students qualify for free or reduced lunch rates. The 2005 childhood poverty rate was over 22% for the county (That's 1 in 5 kids). Terre Haute has a population of about 60,000 people. I'm not a math expert, but that's a lot of kids in need...

So what's the deal? Why am I throwing all this out there? We get it, already, Beth! We already know there's people who need help out there. Odds are, you don't live in my area and will never meet these children. Odds are, you also probably have people or a cause that's very close to your heart and that you give to/volunteer with already. Still, I think there are some valuable lessons I have learned and HOPE I have found in the middle of this....so be sure and read my next post...or I will come and beat you with my Snuggie... :)

The Girls

2009-02-04T12:06:00.008-05:00

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."
He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in his arms, he said to them, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:35-37

If you haven't read my post about my new series, please go there first! I think my snuggie update upstaged it.

Everyone with me now? You went and watched my video and the ramblings with it? Ok. I started writing the stories of some of the children in the video and I couldn't stop. Then I sat and tried to figure out which ones to cut and which ones to keep. Wouldn't want it be too long...blah blah blah. But how do you say one child's story is more important or more typical than another? You can't. There is no one generic face of poverty. There are millions, each with their own story. Here are 9 stories of girls in the video. I'll get to the boys next time. And then I'll probably do some reflecting about the whole thing after that, because I don't want to leave you emotionally stranded without hope. But right now I'm just trying to get the facts down and present a realistic picture about the kids, which is hard because I'm totally biased because I love 'em. Don't be fooled, though! There were many days that made me want to pull my hair out at the youth center. :) So today, simply meet some of the girls today and just get to know them.

***

Talita was born in the southern part of the U.S. All I know about her dad is that he is not in her life. Her mom was homeless much of her young life and she moved around a lot with Talita and her two brothers. Talita came to Indiana a couple years ago to live with her extended family. Her family members have had severe health problems and have been in the hospital several times in the past couple of years. Talita has behavior issues. She had to repeat kindergarten. She craves adult attention, especially male. She is 6.

Talita has developed her own unique style. Talita is smart. Talita has a fabulous imagination.

***

Sasha was born to teenage parents who went to the youth center when THEY were kids. She is the oldest of 4 siblings, and is almost a mother figure to the others. A couple years ago, her mother abducted her and they disappeared. She was exposed to some terrible situations in urban America. Her dad eventually was able to contact her and found a way to get her back to Indiana, but life here has been hard as well. Sasha got back together with her old boyfriend when she returned. He is the best thing in her world to her. She is pregnant. She is 16.

Sasha creates wonderful artwork and poetry. Sasha is way more organized than I am. Sasha is smarter than most CEOs.

***

Destiny has lived in Indianapolis most of her life. She has one older brother and three younger sisters. Her mom is a single parent who works as an aid in a nursing home. Destiny is very angry for one who is so young. She gets in fights. She bullies. Destiny is 10.

Destiny gets straight A's. Destiny is funny. Destiny is a natural leader. Destiny is a really good roller skater.

***

Anna has lived all her life in Terre Haute but has attended many elemetary schools. Sometimes she lives with her mom. Sometimes she lives with her grandma. Sometimes she lives with other extended family. Her dad has been in jail for awhile. She misses him a lot. She is 10.

Anna is a very well behaved child. Anna loves computers. Anna loves the Disney channel.

***

Belinda has lived all her life in Terre Haute. She lives with her single mom and older brother. They move around a lot. Many times they live without heat, running water, or furniture. Her brother gets in a lot of trouble, but she usually stays out of trouble. She is very bitter for being so young and she's hard to talk to. Belinda is 12.

Belinda is an avid reader. Belinda is quiet. Belinda is loyal.

***

Kim has lived all her life in Terre Haute. She is one of a number of siblings...6 or 7? I'm not sure. Her mom has substance abuse problems and I'm not sure if her dad is her real dad or a step dad. There is usually some shortage in their house of proper food or clothing. Kim works the system to her advantage constantly because that is how she has been taught to survive. Kim is 12.

Kim is hands down a brilliant girl. Kim is very passionate for good causes and excels in extracurricular activities. Kim is sarcastic. Kim loves to go to church.

***

Kaley has lived in Terre Haute all her life. She is an only child and lives with her single mom. She is "spoiled" compared to most of the kids at the youth center because her extended family makes sure she has some nice things. She has lost her home twice due to natural disasters. Her dad promises things and doesn't follow through on them. Kaley is 15.

Kaley is a good dancer. Kaley likes to teach things to younger children. Kaley is good at voicing her opinions.

***

Sarah has lived in Terre Haute most of her life. Her dad used to be in the military and her mom is disabled. Sarah was home schooled. Sarah started working a full time job as soon as she could to help her family. Sarah's family lives in a government housing complex. Sarah is 17.

Sarah passed her GED and now goes to community college. Sarah has great taste in movies and music. Sarah is a leader on her church's quiz bowl team.

***

Simone has lived in Gary and Terre Haute. She has many siblings (full/half/step) in a house much smaller than mine. Her dad was in prison for violence and drug charges. Her mom works at a hospital. Simone is 8.

Simone is a good singer. Simone loves crafts. Simone is patient.

By Popular Demand: Snuggie Update

2009-02-03T13:10:00.003-05:00

The Snuggies arrived while I was out of town this weekend. Yes, I am using one now. Yes, it is all that I could have imagined and more. They are like super huge, so the whole dancing video thing is going to be physically difficult, but I will try not to make you wait to long for this artistic extravaganza sure to alter life as you know it. It may require strategically placed duct tape. However, most of it depends on my loving husband having the time and patience to help me film and post it. He can be bribed with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Just don't call them "reesies." He hates that.

New Series! Woot!

2009-02-03T11:56:00.003-05:00

I've been wanting to do some posts about Ryves Youth Center (where I used to work) for some time now, but I was totally at a loss at how to do it. How do you do justice to something that changes your life like that? How do you make it real to other people? So here goes...

I have a video for you all to watch. It's footage of the Christmas party in 2007 (I didn't even make the one this year due to ice and Frank's dad's health that day.) and the director of Catholic Charities for the archdiocese put it on YouTube, so I'm going to assume it's okay to share! I'm going to ask the director at Ryves when I see him this week, too, just to make sure. I'm pretty protective of the kiddos. Anyway, I want you to watch carefully and if you want to, you can give me your impressions of what you see in the comments section. If you're reading this in Facebook, you can always leave your comments there, too. I'm just curious to see what you think. If you have questions, please ask! Then I'm going to follow up this video with some stories about the people that I see in the video. I'm not going to tell you who is who, just general stories that are real and hopefully present a snapshot of what poverty in my part of the world looks like.

I will admit that I grew up knowing that the poor existed around me and that I mostly had the best of intentions wanting to help any and all people, but often I was quick to judge those in poverty and looked down on them without making any effort to know them as people God loves as much as he loves me. People in need made me very uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how I could help, so it was easier to ignore the whole thing, even though I knew the Bible teaches otherwise. My first day at Ryves I was pretty much scared to death, but I knew it was job straight from God. And so the learning began. I still have a lot to learn; I am not an expert by any means...but I hope that these stories might open at least one pair of eyes to the reality of poverty here in America and make one person a little less afraid to LIVE those teachings we hear so often at church. I didn't even know my eyes were closed. But now that they are open, I see many Christians who are walking around blind and simply don't know where to get corrective surgery. I may be at home these days with my own kids instead of with the kids at the youth center, but this blog seems to be a new opportunity to encourage other Christians to be more like the Good Samaritan and less like the priest or Levite (See Luke chapter 10). If all else fails, it will be a good reminder to myself...sometimes I find myself bumping into walls, searching for my glasses....so thank God for grace...

Amazing

2009-02-02T12:11:00.002-05:00

Sometimes the world in which we live freaks me out...you can find out anything in seconds as long as you have an internet connection. And now unlimited information is portable, too, thanks to data plans and 3G networks and such. But is it useful?

Sometimes....no. Like when the GPS on my husband's phone/computer/squeegee/total gym told us that there was a traffic jam on I-69 in the middle of Nowhere, Indiana...but we were already in the jam with no way out.

Sometimes...yes. From the traffic jam, my husband could write his book critique for his class on his laptop in the car. We could call my mother-in-law on the road somewhere behind us and make sure they were ok and vice versa.

I had a good conversation with my Dad over the weekend along these lines. We started out laughing that my daughter has such good computer skills for being only 4. If you ever need a tutorial on the Nick Jr. or Playhouse Disney websites, let her know. We talked about how it's so different than the childhood either of us grew up with. Dad shared some stories about the computer at Cummins where my grandpa worked that took up entire rooms and had less computing power than a calculator, and the time share computer they had at their high school that didn't even have a monitor. It just did a print out of the commands you gave it. Those were the super cool technology advances of their day...a day that was not so long ago. By the fifth grade there was a computer in my school classroom with this new thing called a mouse, and by the eighth grade, there was a computer in our home where we got to connect to the Washington Elementary Bulletin Board. An amazing place where people could connect to each other via computer and share important experiences like games completely in text. Woo! Good times!

By nature, I am not one to dabble in all things techno-geeky. That's Frank's job. But I am so thankful for good things that come from technology. I can stream Christian radio stations and worship along. I can find new friends across the globe as well as re-connect with old ones. I can look up passages in the Bible by word or phrase or book. I can listen to the sermon I missed on Saturday at my church. There are some REALLY cool games and sites for kids these days. (PBS Kids has found a fun way to teach my preschoolers about fractions and probability!) I can find recipes that turn the three things I actually have in my fridge into something edible for dinner...

So today I'm amazed and thankful for good stuff that comes from God. Technology is a huge responsibility, of course. Like anything, you have to sort the good from the bad and be careful not to let it replace the Best (Thanks, media fast!) And sometimes that gets hard as things get complicated. But today I'm just basking in amazement and thankfulness. Because if I had to drag three kids out of the house AND put real clothes on to do all these things....well, I would probably become a sad hermit with kids who didn't know fractions and ate microwaved hot dogs every night.

You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy

2009-01-29T07:56:00.002-05:00

This morning I will pack up the kids, dig my van out of the snow, and drive a good 4 plus hours to my parents house in Ye Olde Plymouth, Indiana, place of my childhood. Alone. Frank's got to go to Chicago (Hi, Helen!) for work today and tomorrow and we'll meet back up tomorrow evening. Then we are off to lovely Fort Wayne, Indiana for a wedding on Saturday. And we guest lead worship for a church on Sunday. So I will be one traveling, busy chica for a few days! I'm sure at one or many points my sanity will be stretched a little, so prayers are appreciated...but on the other hand, at least I'm getting out of the house! :)

Funny***

2009-01-27T11:41:00.002-05:00

My friend Kathy was kind enough to order me a Snuggie in exchange for a video of a silly dance routine in said Snuggie. We all know how much I wanted one. This was a deal I was glad to make. Free snuggie in exchange for universal embarrassment? Of course!

Unfortunately, customer service for the Snuggie people is less that top notch...I know! Surprise! First the Snuggie people tried to trick Kathy into ordering 4 Snuggies instead of two (buy one get one free...she pushed the button for two, they thought that meant 4 and charged her accordingly...yeah....). Then they were back ordered. Apparently the demand for Snuggies is great indeed. Then they sent her a confirmation of it being shipped, only there was no street listed on the address... If anyone would bother to open a phonebook or use a computer, they would see that there is only one Sabelhuas in Sullivan, Indiana...but something tells me that it just won't happen. So my Snuggie is probably sitting forlornly in the corner of a UPS warehouse somewhere. Alone and scared. Wondering if it will ever complete its destiny.

Meanwhile, I sit with my laptop. Waiting. Hoping. Practicing my dance routine. (I'm hip! I'm with it! Tucka tucka tucka tucka.)
Today would be such a perfect day for the Snuggie. The snow is falling. I could make a cup of tea without chills... Sigh.

Anyway, to quell my longings...have a laugh at the Snuggie's expense. Meet: The Kozee!

* Please note that I take things like the KKK and the occult seriously and they are NOT of God. So for the record, Beth= anti-KKK and anti-casting spells on people. But this video is a joke. So go ahead and laugh, you know you want to... (Forgive me, Eric. It has to be hard to pastor such wierdos.)

** However, I'm lovin' the "potty" humor in this video and enjoy Kool-aid Jammers.

*** I also adore Dance Dance Revolution.

Love the Lord Your God

2009-01-26T10:07:00.009-05:00

They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yes, they'll know we are Christians by our love

Anyone remember that one? I always thought this song meant that people who weren't Christians would be able to identify Christians by the way that they loved others. And that's one good way to see it. But the other day a new meaning jumped up, grabbed me by the shoulders and stared me in the face. Would anyone know that I was a Christian simply because they could see my love FOR GOD?

For the past few weeks, everywhere I go, everything I read...it's all about loving God as my first priority. Our pastor's been speaking a lot on becoming intimate with God. I've heard Marvin Adams from the Wabash Valley IHOP speak a couple of times along the same lines. Crazy Love by Francis Chan was on this very subject. Various blogs from around the country seem to be echoing this theme as well. So I've been pondering this a lot and I'm sure it's no accident that I keep hearing about it for my own good, but I think this message of returning to love God first is becoming a focus of the American church as well.

It seems so basic: Love God. No brainer, right? That's pretty much Christianity 101. Jesus speaks in Mark 12:30-31 saying the most important commandment is this:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these."
Jesus is quoting the Old Testament law given to Israel in Deuteronomy and Leviticus. From the very beginning, God made it abundantly clear that loving Him came absolutely first. And we see the cycle in the Old Testament of Israel turning from God, being overtaken by enemies, and finally returning to their first Love and receiving restoration, only to turn from Him again and repeat the cycle. Time and time and time again.

So here I am. My intentions are good. I say I want to love God first, but consistently I do things that put Him in second, third or fourth place. Sometimes I'm just plain putting my desires in front of God. But a lot of times I simply get mixed up and put the second command in front of the first. I'll get so into trying to do, do, do, love, love, love, reach the whole world and help cure the universe of all evil, that I fail to spend time getting to know the One I'm supposed to love the most. Then I wonder why I get so frustrated.

A few days ago I was watching Joey. We're trying to get him interested in using the bathroom like a "big boy." I figured maybe if I let him walk around in his wet and dirty diaper for awhile, he'd get tired of it and want to be changed. He didn't care the least little bit that he was an uncomfortable walking stink bomb! Why can't he just realize that using the bathroom is so much better for him, I thought. Why does he insist on walking around in a stinky mess? It may sound silly to say that God uses potty training, but God spoke to my heart that day. Why do I insist in wallowing in filth? Why do I demand my way all the time? Why don't I realize that God's way is much better and much healthier?

So I'm choosing to love God first. How do I DO that? What does that look like? Here's what I'm learning.

I think it means first asking God for help. Here's one of my favorite quotes from Crazy Love (pg. 104).
"The fact is, I need God to help me love God. And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need His help to love other, fault-filled humans...It is a remarkable cycle: Our prayers for more love result in love which naturally causes us to pray more, which results in more love..."

I think it means spending time with God and spending less time with time killers that aren't going to amount to anything when you hold them up to the light of eternity. Not more time at church. Not more time in ministry. More time getting close to God by reading the Bible, praying and worshipping Him. And in the event I find a few minutes of quiet around my house...I need to be still and listen to the Holy Spirit.

I think it means obeying God's commands out of love for Him. This is a hard one. It's really easy for me to try to obey under my own power grumbling because "I know I'm supposed to do this," instead of "I love God so I choose to do this, asking for His help." But I think this is the key difference between a bitter joyless Christian and a free joyful Christian. Anyone who has more insight on this, feel free to comment.

I think it means getting over my aversion to the analogy of Christ as the bridegroom and the church as the bride. This may seem off topic, but when pastors start using terminology like this and using words like "intimacy with God," I get a little squirmy and I tend to block out what comes next. Yes, I love my husband. Yes, I want to love God even more than THAT and I know His love is the only perfect love, but this whole thing seems a little sexual and that weirds me out. When I told Frank that, he had a good spin on it: maybe our culture has made intimacy (especially sexual intimacy) seem very dirty somehow. If I took that image in the purity that it is meant to be, it becomes a lot more beautiful and a lot less uncomfortable. So there's my two cents of random advice via Frank.

I think it means coming to terms with how I tell others about God and Jesus. Again, this is something I know I'm supposed to do and surely it's Biblical and something God wants me to do, but why don't I see amazing results? Why am I still scared or embarrassed to bring God into a conversation? I think some of the answer lies in the fact that deep in my heart, I know that a person who is not a Christian can spot someone who is faking it or even partially faking it. I may really love a person and I may really want them to find a saving knowledge of God, but if they don't see that my words are backed up by MY REAL LOVE for God, why would they even want it? It's like telling someone about a great book and giving it to them, but you've never read it. Maybe Paul puts it better:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (I Corinthians 13:1-3)

For some reason, again, I always saw this verse as love for other people, not love for God. Why is that?

Ok, this is getting long (surprise, surprise!) but let's take this out of personal application and apply it to the American church. What if all Christians loved God first? What would that look like?

Marvin over at IHOP said that there are over 270 churches in Terre Haute. That's a lot of churches. But our city still seems to be spiritually dead in the water. No hope. No triumph. Or at least very little. The heartaches and desperation of people just seem to increase and overwhelm. I know there's some great churches filled with great people and good ministries. So what in the world are we collectively doing wrong? Could it be we've forgotten to follow the most important commandment? Like Israel, our city has been taken captive...not by a warring nation, but by addictions, despair, hatred, apathy, greed... If all the churches in Terre Haute collectively decided to love God above all, these things would vanish. Wouldn't that be powerful? No longer would churches fight over petty things and be content to stay isolated, scared to work with other churches and ministries. Christians would run, not amble, out of church services wanting to seek out any person who would listen to the fantastic things their loving God had taught them that day. I don't know about you, but I want this picture of an alive and vibrant church to be reality. For Terre Haute. For the whole world.

All of this to say...I'm unsure of how to end this! Maybe just a prayer:

God, I want to love You more and get to know You more. Help me to get rid of the things that get in the way of that. Help me remember that changing the world starts with loving you first. Please be the one motivation and driving force behind all that I do. I pray that each person who reads this would be moved by Your love for them, and would respond by putting You first in their lives. I pray that You would bring a new passion among the churches of our nation and our world for You and You alone. In Your Holy Name I pray, Amen.

You Might Be a Redneck

2009-01-22T10:39:00.004-05:00

I'm developing a very deep and thoughtful post about unity in the church...but for now...

I present my morning for your enjoyment.

7:00 Groggy, but awake, naturally. Realize that I only had one nighttime visitor (Joey) last night and that the baby slept through the night. Silent rejoicing! I stay in comfy bed.

7:30 Frank's alarm goes off. Baby starts crying. Get up to feed baby. Need to change baby. Ew. Poo proves baby has just started eating baby food.

7:45 Groan from Frank. "Uh...the dog got into the trash again. I forgot the trash was still here." He had put the trash by the back door because...ironically....neighborhood dogs get into our trash when we put it outside. Fun. Fun. Especially since the trash contained, in Frank's words, "half a crumbled wall" that came from our latest home improvement project. I start to clean.

7:50 Trashed contained more or less. Open door to take trash out since it's trash day anyway. See that one of the bags of trash already outside has been spread across the yard by neighborhood dogs. Let out a strangled scream. Look up. See ugly big white dog who is responsible for my misery. Yell at dog to "GET! GET! GO HOME!" Run inside. Ask Frank where his pellet gun is. (He has used his pellet gun to scare away roaming dogs before. I know. It doesn't hurt them, but I always thought it was silly until today...) Realize I am over reacting. Go get more trash bags to clean up outside mess.

7:55 Open back door again. See big ugly white dog carrying one of my bags of trash down the alley. Scream "GET YOU STUPID DOG!" and wave my arms wildly, looking fantastically crazy in my purple sheep pajama pants and robe. Dog runs away (smiling). Grumble under my breath. Clean up trash OUTside. As I put the shredded trash bag inside a whole one, I realize the yellow liquid on the outside of the bag is probably dog pee. Commence gagging, but finish clean up, including many, many diapers.

8:05 Wash hands in scalding water and declare to Frank, "We are getting dog proof trash cans. I don't care HOW much they cost!" Frank guards the back door to make sure the dog is gone, loaded pellet gun in hand. (My hero!)

After that things went back to our normal crazy again. I'm not the poster child of responsible pet ownership by any means, but really. I shouldn't have to worry about large dogs eating my children in my own yard. Our town doesn't have a shelter for strays and I'm sure the police have much better things to do with their time. One time our neighbor called the police and complained that our dog barked too much and they actually they came to our house...so maybe not...but I refuse to be a waster their time. Anyway, our county is trying to raise money for a humane shelter in a tanked economy right now. I think I might finally contribute even though I normally put people before animals when I give...

The Future

2009-01-20T11:00:00.004-05:00

On a day like today, which will be taught in history classes of the future, I wonder what kind of world my kids will inherit as adults. What will be the same? What will be different? What will be better? What will be worse? How in the world do I prepare them for it? How do I make them "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves"? (Matt. 10:16)

Here we see Baby Jay. So cute! So innocent playing with his daddy's hat! And when I went to look up the song that was most popular the day of his birth (See Sherri's Matter of Fact blog), it was "I Kissed A Girl." A song about a girl who gets drunk and experiments with homosexuality, saying, "Ain't no big deal, it's innocent." Hmmmmm..... I'm not even going to go into what the Bible says about homosexuality. That's not my point with this. What I find most disturbing is that sexuality is treated as no big deal, and is it me, or did the definition of "innocent" just change? And sure, I can keep my kids from listening to radio stations that play songs I don't like, but I can't keep them from the six year old I saw at the youth center last week who had this song on her mp3 player and was singing it at the top of her lungs. It makes me incredibly sad the messages we feed our children about sex in this country. I am pretty sure I am going to have to have a sex talk with my daughter before she goes to kindergarten.

Parenting is a tough job. Lots and lots of prayer is involved.

If I Don't Number My Thoughts, I Get Confused

2009-01-19T09:56:00.005-05:00

As many of you know, our church participated in a media fast last week. There were no hard and fast rules...just that we were going to abstain from secular media for a week. For our family, we decided to simply unplug the tube: no TV, no videos, no Wii. That kind of thing really wasn't too big of a deal for me, but giving up the internet was harder as it's my main source of entertainment. I gave myself a little breathing room to check my email and answer a couple of things on Facebook and participate in the first round of the Stuff Christians Like book club. But other than that, I hid my laptop from myself to help quell temptation. Here's a bit of what went on last week and what I learned.

1. We turn on the TV without even thinking about it. Since we don't have cable/dish/satellite and probably don't watch TV all THAT much I thought(make fun of the local news, Jeopardy, watch reruns of Scrubs, Seinfeld and an occasional House episode...bla bla), we still have it on at some point every day. Case in point was when we came home from church at the start of the fast and after the kids were in bed we automatically sat down on the couch and Frank flipped on the TV. Then it was like, "Oh no! We messed up already!" After that, the TV was unplugged.

2. Our kids spend too much time with media. They are very young to have a media dependency, but when we told Annabelle there would be no Wii for a week, she cried and cried. Yikes. Even worse was that she thought it was for one DAY and the second day it was the crying all over again. It's hard to explain to a 4 year old (even a pretty intuitive and smart one) the reason behind a media fast and in the end it came down to: We obey God and we obey our pastor, so we're doing this whether you like it or not. Plus we will do some fun extra things. (A little bribery, I know, but hey.) What was interesting was that as the week went on, I saw Annabelle and Joey gain more and more contentment with just going and playing together. By Friday, they played together most of the day and I didn't have to do anything extra to keep them occupied and they didn't ask me one time to play on the computer or play Wii.

3. It's good for ME to be creative and "hands on" with my kids (and it's good for them, too!). We did a lot more with play dough, games, art supplies and books this week. It seems like I was pretty good at this when I first started staying home and Baby Jay slept most of the day, but I had gotten to a place where I felt like I HAD to do these things to be a "good" mom and therefore I really resented it sometimes and tended to avoid it. Sometimes it was easier spending hours on the computer and letting the kids play video games on the computer or on the Wii....and then I wouldn't get my house stuff done but I still felt like I should spend quality time with the kids, so I would rush through the stuff they love like reading books or getting the play dough out. When I cut down on the computer time and take time to be a kid and just have fun with them...I still have plenty of time for the house stuff and I get to leave my adult cares behind for awhile.

4. I like to read. Well, ok, I knew this already. But it's been awhile since I read two whole books in one week, and that was nice. One book I read was the story about a ministry called Teen Challenge that was founded in the 1950's in New York City to help youth involved with gangs, drug abuse, etc. It was an incredibly uplifting and encouraging story of a pastor who chose to obey God's calling in his life against some pretty crazy odds. Terre Haute is opening a Teen Challenge house (in the same neighborhood as the youth center) to help young men recovering from addictions, so that is exciting. The other book was Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I will devote a post involving that book later, hopefully.

5. Media is good in moderation...and it can strengthen my relationship with God and others when used in the right ways. Perhaps I have used movies and video games to "babysit" my kids a little too much, but at the same time, I am very thankful there's some good stuff out there for my kids in these areas. They really have learned a lot from secular websites like PBS kids and Nick Jr. and we have some fun family times with movies and video games. Frankly, entertaining three little ones without any of this for a week was EXHAUSTING. Sometimes it's my only means of a little peace and time with my Bible during the day! I just need to learn where to draw the line...and I'm glad the Holy Spirit helps in that. I also realized that God has given me some wonderful and true friends through blogging. I really missed them(you!) and they(you!) missed me back...it kind of caught me off guard how deep our friendships have become. When I caught up on my reading yesterday, I laughed a lot and cried a little, but mostly I was humbled. My little fast that I did pretty much because it was on the hearts of others in my church...had an impact beyond myself...because of media. It's wild that God uses media to convict people of the idol of media.

6. Here's where the rubber meets the road. What did fasting teach me about God, since this whole thing was for Him anyway? Well, it sounds nice to say God's number one in my life, but I have a lot of selfishness to get rid of before that becomes a true statement in my life. Yes, God really is on my mind a lot during the day and that affects most of my decisions, but I still find myself proud of the things I do for Him....and forget to give Him the glory and thanks for even giving me the ability to do anything in the first place. Or my other favorite is to do what God wants, with an ample amount of grumbling and complaining along the way. Honestly, staying away from the computer was hard, especially as the week wore on. Sometimes I wanted to yell, "Hey God and everyone else! Look how good I am today! Yay for me!" Sometimes I wanted to yell, "God, what's the deal? When I spend more time with you I just feel more convicted about...everything...and it takes a lot of work to obey you and I'm really tired right now so I'm going to pout for awhile. This whole thing is a load of crap. I miss my Seinfeld!" So, there's a lot about me in those statements I like to "yell" at God. Not enough God. But anger is usually my pre-cursor to change, so I'll take it as a good thing. Plus I know God loves me anyway and this is a lifelong process. And it wasn't a totally angry week. I had some good times in worship and prayer and reading my Bible aside from the yelling in my head at God. And our corporate worship at church Saturday was full of God's Spirit, and I don't toss out that phrase lightly. The fact that God even lets us GO to such a great church is amazing, let alone that we get to help lead it. I have never before attended a church where everyone just seems to "get" it. That's exciting.

Okay, in the interest of not becoming a hypocrite, I will end now so my kids don't spend the entire day on the Wii and I don't spend the entire day on the computer. :)
Good to be back!

One Giant Snowball of Thoughts in My Brain- Everything Rolled Into One!

2009-01-10T12:40:00.006-05:00

Happy Saturday! I can't decide what to write about, so I'll just write a little about everything. Try not to get too excited...it's Random Time!

1. Joey's birthday was a success! Despite his lack of enthusiasm for his birthday beforehand, he had a really good day once he figured out that it was a day where he got to pick the activities HE wanted to do and he got things like brownies and a balloon and a even a couple presents. 3 year olds are easy. We played the "Guess Who" game that he got from Aunt Deena and had fun with glue sticks and construction paper. We all watched Peter Pan and he loved that. (I forgot how fun that movie is!) He still claims he's two and tells me "wanna be your wittow(little) boy" every day, but I can understand that. It's hard to grow up sometimes!

2. I visited the Prayer Service for the Wabash Valley International House of Prayer last night at the encouragement of our pastor. The venue is kind of interesting, as it is a prayer chapel in a very old and historic church in Terre Haute, but it has been eclectically decorated with a big modern mural of Jesus on one wall. I dug the old with the new thing. I'm glad Marvin and Sally have come to our neck of the woods to start this ministry. The whole thing gave me a lot of stuff to think about...I think I have a lot to learn about prayer. And the worship was very authentic, not really a style I had ever seen before, but something that was easy to jump into and sing along. I'll probably talk more about this later. Marvin's supposed to speak at our church tonight...

3. Speaking of church, I think we're going to have a media fast for the next week. What's a media fast, you ask? Well...I'm still learning and we'll probably learn more tonight at church...but I think we're all going to stay away from secular media for a week...TV, videos, radio, internet...no hard a fast rules or anything. Many people from church work with computers for a living, so you can't really go all hermit or anything. Just a way to spend more time with God and family for a week and look for some guidance for the year. Sounds good to me! Even though I wouldn't consider my blog or others I read "secular media" really, I think I am going to stay away from blogging for the most part since I DO tend to spend quite a bit of time on it.... I might drop in on the SCL Crazy Love conversation if I actually GET the book before Wednesday (procrastinator!) and check my email to make sure there's nothing I need to add to the stuff I pray for. So all that to say- don't worry about me, because I know you would if I suddenly just didn't respond to anything for a week. I'll be back! And our church is not a cult! (Sorry, inside joke.)

4. I went to the BMV this morning and renewed my license. It came to my attention that my license had expired in August and I didn't even realize it. Oops. I believe I made fun of Frank for this very same thing before, so it was time to eat a big plate of crow. Yummers. Then I put off going for awhile because I am NOT dragging three kids in there on a week day...that's a catastrophe of such epic proportions I can't even go there in my mind. But today was THE day. I prepared myself with a book, some chocolate, and everything else I could think of that they might want or need to prove that I was road worthy. I was pleasantly surprised to find no lines and I walked right up to the counter. We've moved since my last license was issued, so I had to prove my legal address. I had a recent bill to do this, but alas, it only had my husband's name on it and not my own. So I had to come back home and find something with MY name on it. Sigh. It's never that easy. I went back to a short wait, had to do the eye test again, and the lady asked me some lovely questions involving my current weight vs. the weight listed on my license. Then it was picture time. I always forget about the stupid picture. I took the worst picture ever. Even worse than the one when I was pregnant. The lady (approximately 118 years old) made me take off my glasses for the picture...that along with having no make-up on, my hair back, and a gray t-shirt on resulted in a picture that makes me look like a slightly hostile 12 year old elfin boy. Maybe I can get Frank to scan it and I'll post it sometime...good times.

5. This is getting long, so I'd better wrap up, but Baby Jay has been teething and sickly, so pray for him and pray for our patience because it's hard to explain to a 5 month old that his universe has not fallen apart and will get better soon.

Of Skittles, Dragons, and Chicken Wings...Yes, These Are a Few of My Weirdest Things

2009-01-08T20:58:00.004-05:00

I have been tagged by Helen at Random Musings to share 7 weird things about myself. Hold on tight. It might be a scary ride.

1. I categorize my food and systematically eat the categories. For example, if I have vegetable soup, I will eat all the carrots, all the peas, all the corn, etc. and leave my favorite parts for last(usually the beef). Or if I'm eating Skittles, I separate the colors and eat whatever I have the most of first, so that I have a nice balance at the end.

2. I used to play Dungeons and Dragons among other role playing games. Crown me the Queen of the Nerds. But hey, it was a lot more interesting to me than partying on the weekends...

3. I forget to drink anything with meals on a consistent basis. My kids have to remind me that they need something to drink with their meal.

4. I studied in Spain, and I have been in Central America on a missions trip, but I have never been to Mexico or Canada.

5. My little toe on my right foot is useless. It's there, but it kind of turns inward and doesn't move at all. You know how you can spread your toes out? Yeah...I can't do that.

6. I always get really upset and stressed out before going on trips or to a big event. Always. But once I'm on my way, everything is peachy. Just learn to ride out the storm, baby.

7. Just tonight I had a revelation about chicken wings. There's always two kinds. One with two bones that seemed like a wing to me, and the other looks like a little drumstick. The drumstick one always confused me...I thought it was just a miniature chicken leg or something; I never understood why it was included in wings...and then tonight...A HA!! Light bulb! There's TWO parts to a chicken wing! So they're BOTH the wing!! I'm gonna sleep better tonight. It's all about the little things...

Time Warp

2009-01-08T11:15:00.003-05:00

I know time will just go faster and faster as my kids get older...but I really can't believe Joey is 3 today! So I'm going to spend some time in Imagination Land with him and I'll report back later. Because at some point he's going to think playing pretend with his mommy isn't so fun anymore...until maybe someday he has his own kids and it becomes fun again.

Fast = Slow

2009-01-07T16:30:00.004-05:00

Our church is entering a time of fasting and prayer. I am not an expert faster. I did a 40 Hour Famine with my youth group in high school and it was more fun than hardship. I probably concentrated more on the youth group guys than God during those 40 hours...

I've learned more about fasting as an adult, but it seems every time a corporate fasting opportunity arises, I am pregnant or nursing a baby. So I have always opted out with a rock solid excuse. Very convenient for one who is way too dependent on food. Ask Frank. I am one angry girl if I'm hungry. I have a hard time waiting to eat. So this time, I am nursing once again, and it would be really easy to not participate. But when I think of the sacrifice Jesus was for me, surely I can give up something that would cause me to lean on God a little bit more in daily life. But what?

So I prayed one of those scary prayers saying...God...I want to please you...I want to depend more on you and think about you more each day...if you want me to give something up instead of fasting...let me know...(and then I secretly hoped God would tell me that I didn't have to give anything up.)

For a couple of days nothing really came to mind. And then today...I got this thought...what about giving up...coffee.
I tried to argue. God are you sure??? Coffee? Does it have to be the coffee? I love coffee. Why does it have to be the coffee?? It was a short argument.

Abstaining from coffee it is. Probably until February. I almost laughed as I went to read my Bible today. I've been going through Romans and here's the passage for today:

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

In the great scope of God's mercy, giving up coffee for less than a month is such a stupid and ridiculously small thing to do...but yet it will be difficult for me AND my body to stick to! Thus the point of a fast, right? But I have to think that obeying in the small stuff will lead to obeying when it comes to big stuff. I want to experience God's good, pleasing and perfect will. I want to worship through sacrifice. So bubbye to beautiful brewing beans for now.

(I share this not to brag or try to make you give up stuff...it's just so that if I am short with you or a little slow...well...I might need your grace a little more than usual. Plus it can't hurt the accountability factor if my friends and family are in on this....)

Prodigal

2009-01-05T18:31:00.007-05:00

Music tends to run rampant in my head on my "thinking" days. Here's another good one. It's by OneRepublic. They're not a "Christian" band, but judging by their album notes, they are a band made of Christians. That's cool with me. (Like they care what I think...ahem...but the entire album is extremely good) Anyway, I'm sure many people see this as a human relationship song...but to me...it is a good picture of me and God. And the sweet thing is that I don't have to do any running to God. The moment I catch myself running away and turn around, God is running toward ME. Click on the little play button to hear the song.

Luke 15:20-24 NIV

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate."

Prodigal

We say good-bye
I turn my back
Run away, run away
So predictable
Not far from here
You see me crack
Like a bone, like a bone
I'm so breakable

And I take everything from you
But you'll take anything
Won't you

Run away, run away
Like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me
Don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed
But I need you so
And you wait for me
And you wait for me

I'm on the road
To who knows where
Look ahead, not behind
I keep saying
There's no place to go
Where you're not there
On your rope, I hold tight
But it's freeing

And I take everything from you
But you'll take anything
Won't you?

Run away, run away
Like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me
Don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed
But I need you so
And you wait for me
And you wait for me

Everybody wants to be right
But only if it's not at daylight
I keep trying to find my way back
My way back

Run away, run away
Like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me
Don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed
But I need you so
And you wait for me
And you wait for me

Runaway
From you

Thoughts and a Song

2009-01-05T12:07:00.005-05:00

I'm having one of those days when my mind is full. Lot of random thoughts all mixed up and wanting more attention and clamoring for me to write about them....but again...already lunch time. How does that happen? So I'd better take care of the things God has given me to take care of today. That would be the kids, of course, plus I should probably buy some food and pay some bills. Man can't live on bread alone, and that's about all we have right now...

In the meantime, here's an awesome video and song by Brandon Heath called "Give Me Your Eyes." I'd embed it, but it won't let me. Even the link isn't working. No instant gratification today. You must copy and paste. I promise it's worth the effort.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTsYAZvHsEQ

(The Guy in a Band Hair Brigade tried to get to him...but I think he put up a fight. He has almost normal hair. Almost.)

Post Holiday Recovery Program

2009-01-03T11:41:00.000-05:00

We. Are. Home. As of midnight-thirty last night.

Our family had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. I loved seeing everyone and the random fun we had...especially when that includes beating my spouse at ping pong. More about our holiday adventures later, perhaps. However, I think that a couple extra days should be built into every holiday or vacation to help everyone recover. Let me describe the scene this morning at my house....

1. Anna and Joey are still wearing their clothes from yesterday because they slept during the travels home last night and I wasn't about to wake them up to change them into pajamas. I'm too lazy to change them into "today" clothes until we get ready for church this evening. Anna is being surprisingly helpful this morning. Joey is alternating between running around aimlessly and being clingy.

2. Baby Jay got a change of clothes but only because he pukes a lot. He is resentful about being stowed in his bouncy car after a solid week of being held by doting friends and relatives. And he's teething.

3. Frank is playing video games. Work will come far too quickly on Monday...and we're guest leading worship for a church tomorrow. Seize the day! Or at least the morning, right?

4. I am curled up on the couch in a cocoon of blankets (Snuggie where ARE you???), feeling sickly due to gluttony and not enough sleep. Note to self: when offered a choice of three desserts, never choose all three.

5. The dog seems to have weathered the holidays better than the rest of us. She is napping beside me as usual. Proof that ignorance really IS bliss.

P.S. I have now noticed it's past time for lunch. Frank has volunteered to try to patch something together....sure to be delectable...but not before serenading us with a touching song about fish skin. Yum.

My Arch Nemesis

2008-12-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, I have enemies. And they are large in number. They wait silently, growing more and more vile each hour. When I finally think I have rid my life of them...they come back stronger and more numerous than before. They plot against me, looking for any weakness to exploit.

I hate dirty dishes. I'm talking HATE. And I hate washing them even more. When I worked full time, I could escape the crockery mockery for hours. Then when I came home, I could justify not washing them because spending time with my kids took priority. But now I'm home pretty much all the time minus church, pre-school, and errands to exotic and exciting places like Wal-Mart. So those dastardly dishes have been wearing me down slowly...methodically...

It didn't help that our dishwasher was probably the first one ever made. Sure, it matched the 1960's cabinets to perfection, but it certainly didn't wash dishes. So since it breathed it's last sputtering breath a couple months ago, it has been sitting forlorn and neglected. Not even Frank was willing to fix it. I wonder if there is a booming market for antique dishwashers?

So I have been washing dishes the old fashioned way. Some days were good. I would psych myself up and go at it with gusto, putting a good CD in to lessen the pain and suffering. Some days were bad. I would shun the crusty crocks altogether and dive into my stash of paper goods if things got desperate.

But there is hope, my friends. There is hope!! I have been saved from Palm Olive peril. My loving husband, recognizing my dire circumstances, found a "sweet deal" on a dishwasher and gave it to me on Christmas Eve. His co-workers warned him that buying a dishwasher for your wife for Christmas could have epic and disastrous consequences akin to being the captain of the Titanic...but Frank assured them that he knew me well and that it was a gift I would like.

He was right. While a dishwasher is not exactly the epitome of romance, it is something I secretly was wishing for. But I didn't ask. It was just too big. However, I am not ashamed to say that when it was revealed, I clapped my hands like a little kid on Christmas morning and I gave the dishwasher a small hug.

You're going DOWN putrid pans. And the filthy flatware is going with you. Mu ha ha!!

How Does One Write a Bio?

2008-12-29T17:23:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! It's good to be back home and blogging, although it's just for a couple days. On Wednesday we head to my parent's house in northern Indiana to ring in the new year and have a belated Christmas with my family on Thursday. Then the festivities will officially end and things will get back to "normal." (Normal being the regular insanity instead of holiday insanity.)

Anyway, Frank and I received an email from our church pal Larry the other day. He needs a bio from us to put on the church's new website. The rest of the site is up. It's as www.healingpointe.com, if you want to check it out. But our info is noticeably absent if you look at the church leadership link. Larry was kind enough to say we're fantastic and talented...but Amy and Eric have quotes and everything, and I've never even written a bio before. In fact, I'm still a little queasy about the fact that we're listed as "Worship Pastors." The "P" word makes me nervous....call me a leader, co-leader, teammate, worship dudette, that girl who sings and plays the piano thing, anything...anyway...

Here's what I have so far. I need help. Too long? Too generic? Too cheesy? What would you want to know if you were going to visit a church and wanted to make sure the "worship pastors" weren't completely clueless? Should I let people know what type of music we have? So many questions...

With that I give you the draft of THE BIO:

Frank and Beth Sabelhaus grew up in different parts of Indiana, but met each other as students at Indiana State University in Terre Haute. They got to know each other through the Campus Crusade for Christ worship band, and have been playing music together ever since. Shortly after they got married in 2001, Frank and Beth started serving at Crossroads Community Church in Sullivan, Indiana in the areas of youth and music. They led their own Christian band, Behind Four Walls, for a couple years and then were a part of a local worship band, Thirsty. Through these ministries, they found a passion and calling for leading others in worship through music.

Frank graduated from ISU in 2003 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Music. He currently works for the City of Terre Haute as a Systems Administrator and is working towards a Master's Degree in Personal Evangelism and Church Planting from Liberty University. Frank loves recording music, playing drums, and a good home repair challenge.

Beth graduated from ISU in 2001 and has worked for various non-profit organizations over the years. However, no job has ever compared to her current challenge of being a stay-at-home mom to their three children, Annabelle, Joey, and Jay! Beth loves volunteering at Ryves Youth Center, blogging, and kicking back with a good book.

H-E Double Hockey Sticks May Be Freezing Over...

2008-12-23T14:33:00.000-05:00

The weather here is nuts and we have freezing rain all over. I was going to go help at the youth center Christmas Party this evening, but I'm not sure I want to brave the roads. I hope I get to go! I miss those kiddos, even if the party is usually krazy with a capital K.

Anyway, while I'm waiting and deciding, I thought I would post a recipe. Yes, you read that correctly. A recipe. I'll wait a moment for you to close any jaws that may be hanging open....

Okay. Ready? Breathe.

This is a dessert cheeseball that my women's group makes around the holidays for a fundraiser. It's almost like a big ball of cheesecake goodness but it's a lot easier to make than cheesecake. Unless you buy the instant jell-o kind... ;)

Ingredients
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
3/4 cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup finely chopped pecans
graham cracker

Directions
1 Beat the cream cheese, butter and vanilla in a mixing bowl.
2 Gradually add the sugars, mixing just until combined.
3 Stir in the chocolate chips.
4 Cover in plastic wrap and shape into a ball. Chill for at least 3 hours.
5 Just before serving, roll the cheese ball in the chopped pecans.
6 Serve with graham crackers.

P.S. My kids really like it with animal crackers.

Then and Now

2008-12-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

One of my very favorite things about the holidays is seeing family that I don't get to see nearly enough during the year. Here's a fun look at my sister, brother, and I around 1988 (20 years ago!?!) and us again this past Thanksgiving. Now that we're grown-ups (and I use that term loosely), we live in three different states(well, technically one lives in a district that's not a state) and it's rare that we're all in the same place at the same time. But when we do get together, I am always so proud to learn more about who my siblings are now and all that they are up to. My sister, Christy, lives in Michigan, teaches Spanish, and this past June she and her husband became parents for the first time to my cutie nephew Linus. My brother, David, is an economics grad student at Georgetown University in Washington D.C. and has been married for over a year now. Both are internationally minded, articulate, smart, seek to serve their community, and are a part of dynamic churches in their respective cities. I will always be the big sister, I suppose, but I really admire them both. And I think God has some big stuff planned for their futures. I can't wait to see how it unfolds!

When we are together, it sometimes still amazes me that they are adults...because I grew up, but I forget they did, too. I still think they are kids...and I think I have to boss them around...or state the obvious for them...
But that is one of the things I like best about the three of us getting together. No matter how much time has past or how far apart we live, when we are together, we can still be the same little kids for a moment...sitting at the "kids" table stuffing our faces and rolling our eyes at our parents taking pictures of us.

Love you both!

Hope

2008-12-20T08:16:00.000-05:00

I was doing my everyday thing the other day. Trying to balance taking care of a house and taking care of my kids and feeling like I was losing the battle on both sides. I had plopped the baby in his bassinet upstairs to throw some laundry in the washer and he really did not appreciate it. After a few wails, I stopped a looked at him. Maybe a song would help. The Robbie Seay Band's Song of Hope was in my head, so I sang...

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know you and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down

His chubby face just lit up so instantly it was almost comical. So I sang the whole song, complete with some dance moves. Annabelle joined me, as this is her favorite song and her singing was probably why it was stuck in my head to begin with. Who knows what Joey was getting into at that particular moment. Oh well. Two out of three ain't bad.

As we finished our impromptu concert and I continued with the laundry, the song stayed with me. What a fitting song for Christmas time, I thought. A time when we celebrate a God who really did come down to earth as a little baby named Jesus. A baby just like mine. A God who gave us a never failing source of hope. And in knowing His love we find everything we need. Why is it so easy to forget that? Why is it so easy to get lost in my circumstances on this earth, circumstances that seem to be pretty good and yet I still tend to focus on the negative?

Sometimes I catch myself comparing my life to others' lives and feel guilty. I have so much compared to so many in the world. My life looks pretty good on paper- a healthy family, loving family and friends, an awesome church, a roof over my head, food to eat, enough money to pay the bills... So why don't I jump for joy every morning as I get out of bed? Is there something wrong with me? With that little Song of Hope moment, God seemed to say, "Yes! And there will always be something wrong until you get to heaven and spend eternity with me! I made you to long for a perfection that you will never be able to achieve on your own. You were designed to need Me. When you feel this way, stop throwing pity parties for yourself, stop feeling sorry for others, and instead recognize that this ache is just a way to draw close to Me and remember the hope I promised you."

Romans 8:22-25 says it like this:
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I have come to love blogging and those I have met in our little blogging community so very much. It seems that each day I walk away encouraged and I am reminded of the hope I need to hold close. Thank you all for that! And if you're reading this post and my talk of Jesus and Christianity and all this stuff about hope doesn't make sense to you, I would love to tell you more. (Just send me an email.) I can't promise to know all the answers to your questions, but I can tell you why a little baby Jesus born over 2000 years ago means so much to me.

Merry Christmas! Sing a song of hope!

P.S. I found an accoustic version of Song of Hope here. I think I like it more than the original, although the video distracts me a bit...if pretty pictures cause you to have an inner dialogue that is louder than the message of the song...just push play and scroll up so you don't see the video. Maybe that's just me...

Twilight Zone

2008-12-19T09:39:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a really strange coincidence happen in your life that makes you feel like the Twilight Zone music should start playing in the background? Seems like everyone has a story like this, but I wanted to share it anyway...

A couple weeks ago, I was getting ready for my women's group December meeting (aka, pig out at the Mexican restaurant), and Frank came home from work. His first words were,

"Don't be mad. I did NOT order that guitar on the porch."

WHAT?! I didn't even know there WAS a guitar on the porch. Upon further inspection, the UPS man(or woman) had delivered a very nice brand new Gibson Les Paul guitar to our doorstep. Unfortunately, it was supposed to go a house in town with the same address but on the NORTH side of the street versus the SOUTH. Someone would be missing their guitar...probably a Christmas present. So I loaded up the big box in the van and decided to play Santa/UPS girl on my way to the restaurant.

When I found the house, I was a little nervous. I am walking up to a stranger's door unannounced in the dark, I thought. Hopefully I could shield my body from the bullets with the guitar box, should the occupant be trigger happy. Then I shook my head. I have GOT to stop watching crime dramas, I told myself.

I didn't even make it to the door before it opened and a nice looking guy about my own age stepped out. He looked relieved. He must have been waiting all day for his "baby" to arrive and instantly I felt the bond of musicianship.

"Uh, they delivered this our house by mistake today. Thought you might miss it. It's a nice guitar!" I said.

"Thanks! I was worried it wasn't going to come today!" he said.

"Well, my husband plays, and might have thought about keeping it for a second," I said, revealing way too much information while talking to a stranger. (Also, Frank was the one who WANTED me to take it to the correct house. Maybe I was the one with guitar envy...hmmm)

"Tell him he has good taste!" he said.

And on I went to my meeting. I was a little late and told my guitar story/excuse. We had a good time pigging out. At the close of the meeting, we headed to Wal-Mart to pick names off of the tree of some children to help for Christmas out of our cheeseball sale profits. I gave my friend Stacy a ride, since her husband Josh dropped her off and was playing guitar with a friend of his that he met at work. She said he was pretty cool, was new to Sullivan and was getting a new guitar he wanted to try out. When we got ready to leave Wal-Mart, I asked Stacy if she needed a ride to Josh's friend's house. It would work out well, she thought, because he lived on the same street I did. Wait a minute. Do I hear music?

Doo doo doo doo. Twilight Zone.

You guessed it. Josh's new friend was the guy I took the guitar to! Not the biggest coincidence in the world since there's not THAT many people in Sullivan, Indiana. But I still think it's funny that Josh has two guitar playing friends who have the same address (except for the North and South thing). So I ended up taking Stacy back to the very same house I had just been to a couple hours before.

Stop the Presses!! There's a Generic Slanket!!

2008-12-17T12:05:00.000-05:00

Ok, so ever since my friend Kathy did a post on the hilariously insane stuff in the Skymall magazine (you know, the one you find in airplanes), I have been really wanting a Slanket. I would use this thing constantly. Reading, holding the baby, blogging, driving around in my car when I leave my coat at my in-laws, you name it.

But I feel a little guilty asking for a gift that's a glorified blanket costing over $40 that was featured in Skymall AND QVC. That's like a double warning to me screaming that no one actually needs this product. Plus it's SOLD OUT until after Christmas. I was devastated. Until I found...the Snuggie! A Slanket knock-off! Christmas could be saved! Only $14.95!

Be sure to watch for a dog that looks exactly like Phoebe at the minute mark.

Being Pulled

2008-12-16T08:27:00.000-05:00

Some days things just don't go the way I planned. I had a good plan yesterday, I thought. I would order a pizza as a treat for the kids and my hubby, pick it up before he got home from work, and go off to my preschool staff Christmas party. Sounds simple, right? As Joey says, "Nooope."

I started to bundle up the kids to get the pizza and I realized....my coat was nowhere to be found. My coat containing my wallet in which resides the debit card I use to pay for 99.6% of all my purchases. Look in car. No coat. Look in house. No coat. Ug. I must have forgotten to put my coat in the car when we left Frank's parents on Sunday evening. Mind you, I checked 87 times to make sure I put the kids' coats, hats, gloves, and other winter paraphernalia in the car. But my own coat? Nooope. So I had no way to pay for the pizza I had just ordered. I never have cash. I was out of checks. Oops.

So when Frank got home, he valiantly offered to go get the pizza with the kids, so I wouldn't be late to my party. All three kids and car seats do not fit in his truck, which meant he got to take the BIG UGLY GREY VAN. In it's former life, the BIG UGLY GREY VAN (BUGV) was a church van that was later used to haul stuff for a business and finally ended up in our possession as a means to haul junk to the junkyard as we work on our house. We really want to drive the BUGV to our pastor's house sometime and tell him we found a sweet deal on a van for the church just to see his reaction.... Anyway, the point is that BUGV is not the most reliable vehicle, but then again, neither are the other vehicles we own. It makes every day an adventure.

So off I went to my party, where I enjoyed a delish meal at the Olive Garden sans kids and got to appreciate the wonderment of preschool teacher holiday sweaters. I also picked up a couple of groceries and found an awesome sale on sleepers (3 for $10!!) and had fun picking out matching sleepers for my crew to wear Christmas morning. (Awwwww....)

When I finally returned home, Frank casually mentioned that we needed to go pick up the van because it died. Ummmm...so how did they get home? They walked. In the cold. Frank lugging Baby Jay in his car seat and two other kids in tow. Fortunately it wasn't that far and there is a grocery store on the way home where they took a "warm break." So where was my phone so that he could have gotten a hold of me? Tada! In my coat pocket, of course! Amazing how one spacey moment can affect so many things.

So you'd think Frank would be pretty angry with me and the world in general at this point. Nooope. He bought cookie dough at the store and when they got home he baked cookies with the kids and was wrapping Christmas presents when I got home. If the van breakdown had happened to me, I'd probably be found hiding in bed snarling at my kids and eating my weight in chocolate.

Then came the question...do you want to be the puller or the pullee? Needless to say, we've done this before. I hate being either...both make me very, very nervous. But since it was my fault, I inhaled deeply and accepted my responsibility in this mess. I would be the pullee. We made a quick call to our emergency babysitter, Haley, to see if she could come over and keep watch over our sleeping children for a few minutes so we could get the van without putting the kids through more torture than they could handle in one day. Being the extremely super awesome person she is, she said she'd be over in a few minutes. Then we got a call back. Haley's dad, hearing our situation, was on his way instead to help Frank pull the van. "You don't need to be out in that cold," Haley's mom said.

So there I was. I had made the day very inconvenient for everyone concerned, yet I had been shown a lot of grace. Haley's dad helped pull the van home, but I somehow felt like I was still the pullee. Sometimes I don't deserve help from other people. Sometimes it's hard to put away pride and even ask for help when I need it. But God is gracious and has surrounded me with people who love me, faults and all. They pull me home when I'm broken and patch me up and get me running again. And God does the same thing, for that matter! He never junks an old make or model no matter what the repair cost is. God does not make junk. So I thank God for that, and pray that I can pull and patch when it's my turn. Ha! Who would ever imagine me as a tow trucker or a mechanic!

P.S. I just heard about this fabulous thing known as "pizza delivery" where teenagers in funny hats will bring a pizza to your doorstep. Some pizza places will even let you pay for pizza online or over the phone...no actual card needed if you have the card number and expiration date...this could be revolutionary for scatterbrained and cashless people such as myself, albeit a little scary...jumping into the 21st century can be intimidating like that...

The Fabled Christmas Program

2008-12-15T12:08:00.000-05:00

I should have expected it. I totally should have.

In first grade I secretly gloated the fact that I was picked to be Mrs. Claus. I had 22 lines in our class Christmas play, second only to Santa himself, with 33 lines. I remember counting them to make sure I was the most important girl part. Sure, the prettiest girl was picked to be the snow queen, but I had WAY MORE LINES.

And over the years I loved each and every chance to take the stage at Christmas. I sang solos at church in pretty dresses. I performed yearly in our church Christmas cantatas. I was in every Christmas play, program, and concert for school. Once I read a self-penned poem at the local radio station. A sixth grade nerd's star never shone so bright! Too bad the boy I had to sing a duet with that year was tone deaf and caused me much mortification. Star extinguished. Oh the drama!

I loved singing and acting. And I truly loved telling the Christmas story in a million ways even as a child. So many of my fond Christmas memories are wrapped up in songs and lines once memorized and forgotten until they re-appear each year like the ornaments at the bottom of the Christmas decorations box...

My hunky husband also has a history of Christmas stage and song. Just last night we shared a good laugh about the moving performance he gave in his 9th grade band concert via the "Christmas Rap ." (Or is it "Christmas Wrap?" Anyway, I will pay good money to anyone who will give me a copy of this concert on videotape...)

So, I hoped for the best but feared the worst as Annabelle and Joey prepared for their very first Christmas program this year. Would they mumble and look scared? That would be slightly disappointing, but I would learn to cope. Would they be perfect angels and sing each word and perform each dance move with reverence to honor the birth of Jesus? One can only dream. Would they do something totally embarrassing or have a melt-down mid program? Probably. But what EXACTLY would they do?

From the get-go Saturday night, it was clear that Joey would have no part in standing on stage with the other kids. He was a lot younger than the other kids and the director, a saintly college student, mostly just wanted to include him for the cute factor. So through the program he sat on the director's lap and wandered the church a little bit, but was surprisingly a very good two year old boy! He was even "better" than his baby brother, who proceeded to poo and pee through his diaper on to his daddy's pants during the program.

Then there's Annabelle.

Annabelle at 4 1/2 is probably more of a drama queen than I ever was, even at the height of my Mrs. Claus glory. But she is also pretty sensitive, and I feared that an audience might make her scared or cry if she forgot something and then we'd have to pay for major counseling later in life. Nope. Annabelle exuded all the joy and excitement of Christmas in one little blond and wiggly package. She sang the words as loud as she could and did all the actions with extra wiggles and jumps for affect. I tried to look at the other kids during the program...I really did...but my eyes just kept coming back to her. Especially since she was front and center, of course. Then came her "solo" with her best bud Nathan, who just turned 5, and who was also entertaining to watch in his own right. They were supposed to hold hands and sing about how baby Jesus being born would bring redemption for all. Very sweet, right? And in practice it was rumored to be very sweet....Here's reality play by play:

Music swells as solo begins.

Annabelle grabs Nathan's hand and jerks him over to where she is standing.

Annabelle and Nathan do their best to sing the big words and big tune they've been given, and do so with gusto for such little kiddos.

As soon as their solo ends, Annabelle shoves Nathan as hard as she can to his spot again and yells, "And don't touch me AGAIN!"

The whole church erupts in laughter, including kids on stage and Nathan himself. Annabelle just grins and EATS. IT. UP.

I look at Frank who's practically crying from laughing so hard and is trying desperately to compose himself.

I put my head on the table in front of me. Sigh. So much for redemption for all. It was a strange mix of embarrassment and pride that I'm sure will be a part of many Christmases to come.

I do have to say, though, my favorite part of the night was when our pastor got up after the program to thank everyone for coming, invited them to stay and eat, and said something that will stay with me....he reminded us of how Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven belongs to little children such as these. Little children who are as God made them to be without apology or embarrassment, I thought. Who love to praise their maker even if they look silly. And at that moment, as if on cue, my wandering Joey ran to my pastor wanting to be held. I am so very thankful to have a pastor and church that loves my kids and places importance on children. I also was reminded that on the days I don't have it altogether, how very good it is to run to my God like a little child and trust Him to take care of the things I can't.

So....any fond memories of Christmas programs of yore to share? C'mon, I know you have some good ones!

Writer's Block

2008-12-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

Usually I find myself with too many words to write and have to figure out a way to keep myself from writing and writing and spending hours and hours doing it. And somehow make it make sense. I've got some stuff simmering in my brain, but nothing is quite coming together yet. My brain is kind of mushy and I think I'll spend the day finally putting the Christmas tree up and prepping for the kids' Christmas musical tonight. I'm not really in charge of anything, but just getting the kids bathed and dressed takes a good part of the day... Anyway, Annabelle and Joey's stage debut will probably be cause for awesome blog material for next week in case I'm still stuck.

Thank goodness Stacy from Louisville saved me and posted a way to use the U.S. Postal Service for annoying others. What better way to celebrate Christmas than to bug the guy who brought a lot of us bloggers together? Stacy is hilarious, by the way. Check out some of her other posts while you're there!

P.S. In case you live in a sad, joyless world and haven't checked out Jon Acuff's blog Stuff Christians Like, he is "the guy who brought a lot of us bloggers together." Yeah, I just quoted myself from a paragraph ago. Like I said. Brain=mush. I'm just excited I got two hyperlinks to work in one post. Later taters!

Prayer Request

2008-12-11T10:44:00.001-05:00

Hey all.

I was going to write something mildly funny today, but I just got a call from my mother-in-law that Frank's dad is in the hospital and is possibly having a heart attack. Pray for him, please, (I know you all will, anyway.) and when I know more I'll give you an update.

Thank you so much!

Update: Frank is on his way to see his dad and after that I will know more. He is listed in critical condition, but is stable for now.

Update 2: Frank said that his dad continues to be stable and is going to spend the night to see how things go. Hopefully if all is well, Frank will come home tomorrow.

Update 3: No news since yesterday evening, but I take that as good news I guess.

Update 4: I talked to Frank and his dad is doing much better today and got a good rest last night. I'm so relieved!

Having a Bad Hair Day?

2008-12-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

I share this information with you with the hopes that it will:
A. Make you feel just a little more normal.
B. Make you feel like there's someone out there that might be as crazy as you.

And I will add a disclaimer: I usually am not obsessed with my physical appearance. I'm a pretty low maintenance type of gal. There are a lot of things that are more important to me than how I look. But this hairy adventure is just too funny not to share...

Let's just say I have some hair issues lately. For the past two years I have had a dry, itchy, scaly scalp. I don't know why it developed or what it is and I keep hoping it will go away as suddenly as it appeared. But no luck. Lately it's been worse that usual. I also have been losing my hair in massive quantities. After every baby, this has happened at about the four month mark. I knew it was coming. It will grow back. But it is still disturbing to see wads of hair each time I turn around...when I brush my hair, when I bathe, when I think really, really hard...embarrassing. It's to the point that you could see the dry scalp through my thinning hair and I need to wear a hair net when I cook. Very sexy.

Last week I got fed up and decided to take some action. Did I go see my doctor for a dermatologist referral? Did I consult a stylist about a new product to try? No. That would be easy and make sense. And it would possibly cost more than three dollars.

Instead, I tried an idea my loving and wonderful husband had. When babies have scalp issues (cradle cap), you can put a little Vaseline or baby oil on their scalp and comb the nasties out. Presto! Instant healthy scalp. I have done this with my kids. What works on babies HAS to work on adults, right? So Friday night I coated my head in Vaseline to let it soften for a night. What's the worst that could happen, I thought. If it doesn't work, I'll simply wash it out in the morning and try something else.

Overnight, the Vaseline worked it's way through my longish hair and was a pretty ewwy gooey greasy mess. When I combed through it, the plan seemed to work okay except for the comb removed a lot of hair along with the unwanted scalp crust. It will grow back, I told myself. It will be worth it. Healthy scalp, here I come!! I started to wet down my hair to wash everything clean...but my hair wouldn't get wet. The Vaseline totally repelled the water. Like...uh...water off a duck's back. Hmmm.... Well, maybe shampoo would help. I tried two different kinds. With each shampoo, more hair fell out. But my remaining hair stayed a greasy mess. So I went to church last night with my hair back in a bun, looking like I had put a whole can of pomade on it.

Today it was go time. I WOULD find something to remove the grease from my hair. Dish soap was first. I washed my hair twice. Each time more hair came out. Each time the hair stayed greasy. I tried the de-greaser my husband used to wash his hands after working on cars. It smells like orange cleaner and looks like cloudy grey jell-o. It has warnings about what to do if it comes in contact with your eyes. That worked a little bit. And you guessed it. I lost more hair. After that I called a truce. If I washed it any more, there wouldn't be any left to wash.

So here I sit tonight. With greasy hair. That smells like bitter orange peel with a hint of Dawn. There are big wads of hair in the bathroom trash. I told Frank it looks like I killed a small animal. He said it looked like I killed a large animal. I guess that's what I get for trying to buck the system and spare myself the embarrassment of sharing my hair/scalp issues with a professional and spending a few bucks. But my scalp does look and feel better, by golly. And it's easily seen through my very thin hair...

So, how was your weekend?

Peace

2008-12-05T09:25:00.001-05:00

Last February, I surprised my husband by taking him to a concert for his birthday along with a night without the kiddos in beautiful, exotic, Champaign, IL. We went to see Sanctus Real at a big church there. At the concert, I heard this song for the first time. Since then, it has received quite a bit of air play on the Christian radio station around here. My friend gave me a copy of the CD. You know when you have those songs that follow you around? This is mine for 2008. Quite possibly the best lyric ever: "Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace."
Chaos of life + Getting to know Jesus = Peace that passes all logical or emotional understanding.

Kudos to the Sanctus Real guy for not caving into his bandmates' love of "guy in a band" hair. Although it still looks like he just got out of bed. (Really, Beth? Are you back on that hair thing AGAIN?? You may have a problem that needs counseling...or at least a better stylist)

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything, I surrender...
To...

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

Give

2008-12-03T23:47:00.001-05:00

Comin' atcha with some Relient K today. At the risk of sounding like a 15 year old punk, Relient K rulz! I still have a long way to go when it comes to giving my all to God and giving my all to others, but this song inspires me. It makes me want to go past the point of comfortable-warm-fuzzy kind of giving and reach into the sacrificial-it-hurts kind of giving. Sometimes God practically has to pry precious time, money, and talents from my clutches. So I'm trying to work on that. Especially during Christmas. 'Tis the season to give, right?

For the record, I don't think I had to figure things out totally on my own like the song hints at. I've had many good teachers who taught me what giving looks like. And those people are gifts from God to me. But I am ultimately responsible for making decisions about how and what I give. Good thing God's always with me in that. Nope. Nothing should be done totally on my own!

Also for the record, the "guy in a band" hair distracted me a little bit in the video, but other than that, I love it. Why do they always have to have the hair? Do record companies require that? "We'd really like to offer you a fantastic multi-million dollar contract, but first you have to look like you just rolled out of bed in the year 1976." That's right Jonas Brothers, I'm talking to YOU. I am really glad that my husband spends less than 2 minutes on his hair each morning, even if he insists on cutting it himself....

Sorry. Got off track. With the mental picture of Frank using the clippers and 3 mirrors to cut his own hair, I present to you:

Give

No one told me
The right way
The right way to go about this
So I'll figure it out for myself

Cuz how much
Is too much
To give you
Well I may never know
So I'll just give until there's nothing else

Yeah I'll give give give (until there's nothing else)
Give my life (until it all runs out)
Give give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left
I'll give

No one told me
How bad I need you
But I somehow arrived
To that conclusion all by myself

And I want
All you have to offer
So I offer myself and I'll just give until there's nothing else
And I'll give give give (until there's nothing else)
Give my life (until it all runs out)
Give give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left

Sometimes I think
Like all I ever do
Is ask for things
Until I ask too much of you
But that's not the way
I wanna live
I need to change
But something's got to give
Yeah something's got to
Give give give (until there's nothing left)
Give my life (until it all runs out)
Give give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left to give
Give give give (until there's nothing left)
Give my life (until it all runs out)
Give give
Give until there's nothing left
I'll give

The Soundtrack In My Head

2008-12-02T16:30:00.000-05:00

I'm back, I'm behind in housework again, and I am blogging. I also found the time to bake some brownies this afternoon. But you have to have priorities, people. Say it with me: priorities.

Anywho, I think the next series of posts are going to be songs that have been speaking to me in some form. If I can find them on YouTube or free Napster, you'd better believe I'll get the music to go with them. I really like themes, so go with me on this. I'm sure I'll tire of it eventually. :)

Today's song is called I Am. It is by a band called The Waiting. It's an obscure flashback to the 90's Christian music scene. They had some awesome songs that never got too much recognition. Back in the day, I liked the sound of the music. More than ten years later, I more fully appreciate the lyrics as well. But this song pretty much solves the identity crisis I have some days. It strips me of pride but doesn't leave me worthless. All my worth comes from the One who created me. "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13 NIV). I used to think that verse was like a super power that allowed me to do feats beyond what I'm normally capable of. In a sense, that's true. But when I see that verse now, I read it more as anything and everything I do is only because God put me on this earth and gave me the abilities to live and breath and think. I am because He is.

I Am

Walking out alone
The night fits like a stone inside a boot heel
Hot and cold winds blow
And no one is here to know the way I feel
The corner I once knew brings me in to view again
So I could stay out late, find new bones to break
But then I'd be dragging home admitting

I am because You are
I am
I recognize clearly I see
I am because You are
I am
I am in You and You are in me

Spent too many days devising many
ways trying to escape you
Played too many roles
Dug too many holes just big enough to fall into
And I could linger here
hoping to disappear in excuses
Come morning's shining face
I'd be crawling to the place
I call home
where first you cut me loose

The places that I've carried You, I wouldn't take a dog
Stop and calmly think of that

Tear this church down to its cornerstone
And build it up again, build me up again.

I am because You are
I am
I recognize clearly I see
I am because You are
I am
I am in You and You are in me

I Am ()

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-25T11:37:00.000-05:00

This is pretty much me in the kitchen. You think I'm joking, but I pretty much did exactly this to a pot roast last week. At least I turned it into a good beef and vegetable soup the next day, so my cooking skills are improving a little. Needless to say, I will be enjoying the cooking of others this week.

I probably won't be posting much in the next few days as I prep for travel and drive around the state a couple times, but I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving and that we all have a chance to slow down and thank God for the amazing ways he blesses us!

Meet Phoebe and Uno

2008-11-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

I didn't have any "real" pets growing up. We begged and begged for a dog and got....a hamster. Well, a series of several hamsters. None of them lasted too long, but we had a lot of fun putting them in my mom's china tea pot and making them drive around in Barbie cars. I also had a fish that my cousin won at the fair and was forced to give to me because I, of course, did NOT win a fish and threw a fit. I loved it so much that when it got sick and accidentally went down the drain while my mom was cleaning the poor sickly fish's bowl...I didn't notice it was gone for about a month. There was also the time that my sister bought a mouse without telling my parents. Yes, we had a stellar record as pet owners.

So what was the first thing I did when I graduated from college and was officially on my own? Why, I got two kittens, of course! In fact, I got them a little early and had to hide them in my dorm room for three days before I could move into my apartment. And ever since then, we have had a strange assortment of dogs and cats(mostly cats) who think I am their mother. For awhile, I got in a little over my head with cats. But right now, we are down to being a modest one dog, one cat family.

Our dog, Phoebe, came to us somewhat as an orphan. She first belonged to my husband's grandmother who got her as a companion when she was in remission from breast cancer. Very sadly, grandma passed away from other complications just a few months later. Phoebe next resided with Frank's uncle for awhile. Then when he went on vacation, Frank's mom took Phoebe in, and ended up keeping her. She finally made her home with us after a dog trade. We traded our big, not-so-child friendly dog for Phoebe who digs kids and couldn't hurt anyone even if she wanted to.

Ahhh Phoebe. She's a cutie of a doggie. She's a full blooded Maltese, although we don't have any papers for her. She's little and white and makes you want to do silly things like put rhinestone collars and doggie sweaters on her. She also has a very little brain. She ran away from home last summer while I had the door open to put away groceries. We looked all around the neighborhood, but no sign of a little lost doggie. I had pretty much given up finding her after a week or so, but I ran a lost dog ad in our town newspaper and the very first day they printed it, I had a phone call. It ends up she was across the street and three houses down. And couldn't find her way home. Poor doggie. Maybe she'll end up on David Letterman doing stupid pet tricks. With the emphasis on the stupid pet instead of the stupid trick. Her only trick is that she can stand on her hind legs and beg for food. And she can scratch the door for hours if she wants to come in. But will she scratch at the door when she needs to go OUT? Absolutely not. I still love her, though. She keeps my feet warm at night. She gets in happy crazy moods and starts running frantic circles around the house and makes the kids laugh. She burps like a grown man. She prefers cat food to dog food. The little click click click of her toenails follow me wherever I go. Ahhh Phoebe. My fourth child.

Then we have Uno. Frank has always loved cats. He was my co-conspirator in hiding the kittens in my dorm room. Uno filled a cat void for us when our beloved cat Yoda met an untimely end on our busy street. We thought about being kitty free for awhile, but after a couple weeks Frank came home and said he had seen a cat that needed to be rescued from PetSmart. So we adopted Uno, who was the only kitty left in his litter of Uno, Dos, and Tres. The name was so cute we decided to keep it. Uno is a fairly affectionate kitty even though he has the trademark independent cat spirit. The best and worst thing about Uno is that you never know where you'll find him next. I have found him in the baby bassinet(sans baby, fortunately!), in my closet, in the corner of the shower, and in the clothes dryer. You think he would be snuggled in some clothes I had forgotten, but no. Just him. In the dryer. Giving me a sleepy glare because I had the audacity to wake him up.

Phoebe and Uno are best appreciated together. They are about the same size. One white and curly. One dark and striped. One ditsy and cute. One crafty and sly. They are family to each other. Sometimes they play, sometimes they fight. But in the end they will curl up next to each other on the couch, a picture of peace amidst a world of dog and cat wars. If fact, both are curled up next to me now.

Click Here to see Phoebe.